WintersNightTraveler Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 LOL people in this thread are actually arguing against regular std tests or see it as bizarre or suspicious. Wow talk about unhealthy attitudes. You should just be happy if it came back clean, and also happy your GF has sensible health habits.
carhill Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 We can re-read the OP, flipping the genders. Night out with the boys, drinking and then a sudden 'appointment' in the morning and 'anger' at her curiosity. I'm the girlfriend and she's telling me this. How do I react? 'Honey, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation; he's a good man and, wow, he's a nurse, so I'm sure everything is just fine' Doesn't sound like any woman I know
Stung Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 (edited) We can re-read the OP, flipping the genders. Night out with the boys, drinking and then a sudden 'appointment' in the morning and 'anger' at her curiosity. I'm the girlfriend and she's telling me this. How do I react? 'Honey, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation; he's a good man and, wow, he's a nurse, so I'm sure everything is just fine' Doesn't sound like any woman I know Maybe I missed something, but where does it say that she 'suddenly' made the decision to go to PP for an STD screening, after a wild night out? Every time I have ever gone to PP for a full check-up and STD screening, my appt. was scheduled weeks in advance. Planned Parenthood office hours, in most areas I have lived in, are usually pretty well booked up in advance. What the OP says is that he asked her what she did that day and she answered him honestly, that she went to the Planned Parenthood clinic and had some tests done. She also happened to have gone out with some girlfriends the night before. Nowhere in the original post does it say that he knows she woke up and booked a same-day appointment that morning. I am far more likely to go out for a few drinks with my girlfriends on a night when my schedule is clear in the morning except for a routine health appt. than I am to go out drinking with them when I have work in the morning, BTW. The OP himself states that her 'anger' came about after he 'calmly' questioned her motives and asked multiple questions which could reasonably seem to imply he thought she was either cheating or suspecting him of cheating. Many people of either sex get defensive or frustrated if other people imply they are unfaithful, whether warranted or unwarranted. You are focusing on the OP's emotional interpretation and insistence that he was not yelling or arguing, and ignoring the part where he admits he was questioning her closely and also admits he has always been suspicious of every woman he has been with. The reason her profession is relevant IMO is that if she's stupid enough to think getting tested for STDs the morning after she cheated is going to be effective, then she's one crap nurse. Assuming she has some grasp of medical basics and training and wasn't just handed a diploma and a job because she's charming, her being a nurse is in fact evidence against her getting tested because she had been fooling around mere hours before. And no, I don't think reversing the sexes in this scenario changes things significantly. Edited June 9, 2010 by Stung
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 (edited) LOL people in this thread are actually arguing against regular std tests or see it as bizarre or suspicious. Wow talk about unhealthy attitudes. You should just be happy if it came back clean, and also happy your GF has sensible health habits. I don't think people are against STD tests as bizarre or suspicious. What is bizarre and suspicious is that his girlfriend, after being out all night staying with a girlfriend (?), heads to Planned Parenthood the next morning and then gets angry and defensive when she drops it on him out of the blue, and he calmly questions her about going. If she had an appointment ahead of time, which yes - it does take a long time to get an appointment for a routine thing like an ObGyn checkup and an STD panel - why wouldn't she have told him ahead of time (there is nothing for her to hide in that case and she could have asked him to get tested too - nothing wrong or bizarre about that), and why would she go 'out' (partying or whatever) and plan a drunken sleepover the morning before an ObGyn appointment? She could have lied about going to PP altogether, but what if she thought he would see a bill, or check up on her? Is it a red herring? Maybe, maybe not but hang around here for a few years, see cheating in every shape and form and how often cheating is revealed after the fact and you'd see her behavior as suspicious too. It just rubs me wrong especially since she was out drinking the night before and slept at her girlfriend's apartment. she was actually mad at me that I was even curious. These are gut feelings, that usually say "something isn't right here". With the pieces of the puzzle I see here, without any further information I'd be suspicious too. Edited June 9, 2010 by LucreziaBorgia
WintersNightTraveler Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 I don't think people are against STD tests as bizarre or suspicious. What is bizarre and suspicious is that his girlfriend, after being out all night staying with a girlfriend (?), Who knows. Maybe she was worried he had cheated on her, and OP invented the coincidential timing in his head. You need to read between the lines: she was actually mad at me that I was even curious. i think I have a right to know these things. like what if all of the sudden shes a closet whore? Gee I wonder why she got defensive. What possible thing could he have said to warrant that. Now your notion that maybe she was getting the morning after pill, that's actually quite plausible. But I'm just thinking OP just made the GF very uncomfortable. It's a simpler explanation, and certainly more plausible than some of the declarations going on. What is actually bothering me is how unhealthy the attitudes towards STD testing is in this thread. It's not like she got wasted and drunk dialed him from some stranger's house. She had a routine medical procedure performed.
carhill Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 (edited) And no, I don't think reversing the sexes in this scenario changes things significantly. You wouldn't because you're a woman and you're rationalizing a female's behavior. I don't have that burden. I'll do a targeted search here on LS and pull up threads which support my reversal scenario. I love a challenge. Good thing there are thousands of posts from women on this forum. Lots of stuff to mine The OP's further responses support this scenario. I haven't seen any backup from him at all yet. Edited June 10, 2010 by carhill
Stung Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 You wouldn't because you're a woman and you're rationalizing a female's behavior. I don't have that burden. I'll do a targeted search here on LS and pull up threads which support my reversal scenario. I love a challenge. Good thing there are thousands of posts from women on this forum. Lots of stuff to mine The OP's further responses support this scenario. I haven't seen any backup from him at all yet. I wouldn't because an informed medical professional doesn't go get STD tests in a panic in the morning because he OR she cheated mere hours before. In this scenario I am a person using logic and a basic understanding of the principles of western medicine, not a woman rationalizing women's behavior. Try again.
carhill Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Nice try, but off-topic. You're attempting to invalidate his feelings by using proven debating and attack techniques, some of which I learned during my business career. Are you a lawyer by any chance? *She* said it was a STD test. *She* was out drinking and spent the night at a girlfriends without apparent notice. *She* became angry at his questions about a seemingly innocent activity, calmly stated. *She* owns that, all of it. He owns his concern about her being a 'closet whore'. That's his stuff. Everything else is hers. Go manipulate someone else.
Stung Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Nice try, but off-topic. You're attempting to invalidate his feelings by using proven debating and attack techniques, some of which I learned during my business career. Are you a lawyer by any chance? *She* said it was a STD test. *She* was out drinking and spent the night at a girlfriends without apparent notice. *She* became angry at his questions about a seemingly innocent activity, calmly stated. *She* owns that, all of it. He owns his concern about her being a 'closet whore'. That's his stuff. Everything else is hers. Go manipulate someone else. Although you clearly want to read some kind of Machiavellian manipulation into my post, it simply isn't there. I'm not trying to invalidate the OP's feelings...I was originally trying to point out how illogical it is to leap to the conclusion that a medical practicioner would be so medically misinformed as to scramble for an STD test hours after cheating. This, in my opinion, makes it foolish to assume that said practicioner was necessarily cheating the night before, just because they got a test done in the morning. I was also questioning people's assumptions that the PP appointment was not planned in advance, as most such appointments are. What I was attempting to invalidate was your further, also off-topic, assertion that people were rationalizing her behavior just because she was a woman. Because I believe it is, in fact, invalid in this case.
WintersNightTraveler Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 This really boils down to people who think STD tests are weird and suspicious, and people who think they are matter of fact. Six months after starting a monogamous relationship is a great time to get another test done, since most prior infection types would have activated by that point. So a negative results gives a clean bill of health (well, to the rate of true negatives at least) for the rest of the relationship and assurance you're not going to pass anything to your partner. It also means that if you catch something afterwards, it's most likely from your LTR partner, either through their infidelity or that person having a latent infection he/she is unaware of. Of course there is never any certainty in these things. I am curious when the OP's last STD test was. It's unhealthy to generally interpret getting a routine medical screening the same way you would interpret coming home smelling like someone else's cologne. To me it seems indicative of general misunderstanding of the subject. So many people never bother getting screened for anything, or get an HIV test once and assume they are also negative for HSV, syph, etc years later because they just don't understand how these things work. We also only have OP's brief statements on the matter. I don't see why people are assuming this wasn't planned weeks in advance, and instead was a direct result of partying the night before. Now if there is a clear connection there, that's different, but I haven't read that in this thread anywhere. It's been left kind of vague whether this was an emergency appt or something the GF had planned weeks earlier. The only clear connection I see written in the thread is that the OP seems to think STD tests are somehow correlated to whorishness, which is not a healthy attitude.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 I was originally trying to point out how illogical it is to leap to the conclusion that a medical practicioner would be so medically misinformed as to scramble for an STD test hours after cheating. It is illogical for a medical practitioner to be so medically misinformed as to scramble for an STD test hours after cheating. It isn't illogical for a medical practitioner to be medically informed enough to know that a morning after pill has to be taken as soon after the act as possible in order to prevent implantation of a possible fertilized egg in the case of unprotected sex or a broken condom. Planned Parenthood is a logical choice for going the morning after an ill timed sexual encounter and having that taken care of. And furthermore, having family members that are nurses, doctors, etc - they tend to go to their own private physicians for routine tests. I can't imagine any of them going to Planned Parenthood, even for something like STD tests - there is nothing embarrassing for them - in the medical field they are exposed to bloodborne pathogens of all sorts and get screened for stuff when necessary. Why would this nurse go to Planned Parenthood for a routine STD panel? She might not go there for that, but she might for something else particularly with the coincidental timing. Hell, it might just all be circumstantial evidence. I doubt the poster will ever know for sure either way. Just sayin' - I'm a big Devil's Advocate on this forum, have been for years now. Understand that having been a hardened cheater for the lion's share of my sexual life I tend toward cynicism and tend to question things like this when I see them.
samspade Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Let's see.... GF goes to STD clinic to get tested without mentioning beforehand but after spending the drunken night at a friend's. GF lets BF know after the fact. GF becomes irate and defensive when BF asks why. OP: Get tested and dump her.
Arica Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 You know you should tell her she is making you very paranoid and go get an STD test yourself. I am pretty sure it would come up clean because I would hope that she would have more sense than to keep banging you if she is dirty vise versa. I think you need to have a talk with her about this and be truly honest tell her it makes you uncomfortable or whatever
sweetjasmine Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Why would this nurse go to Planned Parenthood for a routine STD panel? It's cheaper. Under my crappy insurance, a routine STD panel isn't covered, although the extra fees I'm required to pay for my graduate program cover one annual gyno appointment with optional full-screening. If it weren't for that, I'd go to a Planned Parenthood clinic for that kind of screening instead of a private physician. She might not go there for that, but she might for something else particularly with the coincidental timing. Hell, it might just all be circumstantial evidence. I doubt the poster will ever know for sure either way. Why would she even mention it? Why not just go to the pharmacy or PP and not say anything? And why even mention STD screening? If she's lying about getting the morning after pill, why would she mention PP and STD screening? If she was trying to hide an indiscretion and the morning after pill, she did a horrible job of it.
TheLoneSock Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Me thinks if the roles were reversed and he had been the one to go out late, have some drinks, and stay over at a buddy's house - followed up with an immediate trip to a clinic for STD testing (the details of which, when asked about, he becomes angry) - she would have been filled with the same questions and concerns. Or are guys less trustworthy and therefore her assumptions would be completely rational? And she would merely be 'communicating' her concerns, not 'interrogating'? Wearing someone else's shoes really makes you think.
carhill Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 For balance, respondents should be aware of another thread the OP has running: Do sluts hang out with other sluts? I'm unclear whether this thread and that thread are in any way connected. I mention this because he did refer to his current GF as a 'all of the sudden shes a closet whore?' in his original post in this thread. OP?
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