Girlfriend got STD test without telling me

[mlh5046]

Ok so it isn't a wild story but it just makes me curious and insecure. Her and I have been dating since January (lots of sex) and initially she asked me the first time if I had STDs and I told her no. So we've been serious since then and all of the sudden on the phone today when I asked her what she did today

 

she's like " oh i went downtown"

me " oh for what anything good?"

her "i had an appt"

me "oh a doctor appt"

her " um no i went to planned parenthood for a std test"

 

it just was so weird because why would she not go after the first few times we did it? She waited 5 months!? She says she is a hypochondriac about std's, so why not go a long long time ago? It just rubs me wrong especially since she was out drinking the night before and slept at her girlfriend's apartment.

 

she was actually mad at me that I was even curious. i think I have a right to know these things. like what if all of the sudden shes a closet whore?

 

Maybe I'm totally off base, but if it wasn;t so surprising and random I would feel better. What do yall think?

[Cracker Jack]

Odd, but I think she just wanted to double-check and make sure she was clean.

 

Had she really been trying to hide it, you would've never learned about it in the first place.

[Kang]

Personally I think you should be worried.

 

Especially if she got mad at you for asking... Just screams "I cheated on you while I was drunk"

[Cracker Jack]

Missed the part about the night before, somehow.

 

Uh, that's pretty weird. I dunno, man. I doubt she'll admit to cheating if she did.

[BeautifulMan]

You should go get tested also buddy.

[linwood]

It does seem a bit suspicious but there are a few other reasons she may have gotten the test.

 

The fact that she did actually tell you makes me think there`s nothing really wrong.

 

Did you ask her why she had the test?

 

I`d start there.

[OpenGL]

She got railed recently by some random dude. Time to break up with her.

[MrNate]

Sounds like it's time for an investigation my friend. I doubt this is something that will just blow over your head. Just remember to be civil.

[electricity]

Maybe she gets tested annually and her appt just came around again. Did you both get tested before having sex or did you both just state you were clean?

[Rhythmic]

Some of you guys are just outright goofy.

 

I've got an std test before and the reasons I got it had nothing to do with feeling like I got cheated on or that I thought the girl was dirty or anything. Is it really so far fetched that somebody might have just wanted to know? she could have been sitting around thinking man I have no clue what I may or may not have and there is only one way to find out for sure. Get tested.

 

Some of you people must really be stuck on yourselves if you think somebody trying to take care of their body has to mean she is cheating or any thing to do with anybody else.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Let's hope she didn't go there for a morning after pill as well (if the STD part is even true or not - there is part of me that wonders if she told you it was a STD test so that she can make it seem as if she thinks you are the one cheating).

 

Call me a cynic, but when a girl goes out drinking all night and goes to Planned Parenthood the next day... well, that is just a bit too coincidental to me. Morning after pill was the first thing that came to mind.

[spookie]

Let's hope she didn't go there for a morning after pill as well (if the STD part is even true or not - there is part of me that wonders if she told you it was a STD test so that she can make it seem as if she thinks you are the one cheating).

 

Call me a cynic, but when a girl goes out drinking all night and goes to Planned Parenthood the next day... well, that is just a bit too coincidental to me. Morning after pill was the first thing that came to mind.

 

Yah, but if they're having sex, you'd think she'd be on birth control.

 

Also, it's pretty pointless to get tested IMMEDIATELY after. Most STD's take at least a few days to kick in.

 

Personally, I think it's a little suspicious she went right the next day after the bender... but that also depends on how common it is for her to go out without him, and whether he estimates she's likely to cheat on him while she is drunk. (Not all drunks are whores.)

 

If it weren't for the night out, I wouldn't think there was anything off about her wanting to get tested now, 5 months into the R. You don't necessarily catch everything the other person has the first time. And as I said, some STD's don't show up for months. So, I think it's perfectly normal, and anyway, in this day and age, STD checks ought to be as regular as checkups.

[carhill]

she was actually mad at me that I was even curious.

 

This I'd be concerned about. Projection.

 

There's a bunch of stuff which isn't adding up. Get to the bottom of it. Good luck

[mlh5046]

Ok so what she keeps saying to me is she is really worried about STD"s since she is a nurse. She said she gets one a year and last got one in October. She said she had trouble telling me outright earlier because she didn;t know how I would react.

 

I have never suspected her of cheating, I mean I think she likes me waaayyyyy too much. But who knows , I mean I never knew her til january she could be a little shady. I've dated girls who seemed fine initially then turned out to be total wackjobs.

 

She doesn;t even go out much without me around, I'm kind of sure about it. But ya as a guy this is something that just rubs me the wrong way. Like we haven;t done it without protection in at least 2 months, and you think she would have said something to me, our relationship is very open.

[carhill]

OK, as a medical professional who deals with disease every day and who is very knowledgeable about the science of health, why would she be mad at you for being curious?

[mlh5046]

I mean she was definitely bothered that I started to try to talk to her more in depth about it. When I started saying how I told her I have nothing and I haven't been sleeping with anyone but her and why would you wait this long into our relationship to get it, thats when she started to get a little bothered. I wasn;t mean about it, I was calm.

 

I mean where theres smoke theres fire. Maybe she is telling the truth maybe not, but she has some answering todo.

 

How would you go about it?

[OpenGL]

Ok so what she keeps saying to me is she is really worried about STD"s since she is a nurse. She said she gets one a year and last got one in October. She said she had trouble telling me outright earlier because she didn;t know how I would react.

 

Oh please, I hope you're not this stupid

 

I have never suspected her of cheating, I mean I think she likes me waaayyyyy too much. But who knows , I mean I never knew her til january she could be a little shady. I've dated girls who seemed fine initially then turned out to be total wackjobs.

 

Again, don't be this stupid. Any decent looking chick is potentially 5 minutes away from getting railed by someone better looking than you.

 

She doesn;t even go out much without me around, I'm kind of sure about it. But ya as a guy this is something that just rubs me the wrong way. Like we haven;t done it without protection in at least 2 months, and you think she would have said something to me, our relationship is very open.

 

You have a lot to learn about women. Shes is and has been cheating. Expect a breakup very soon if you don't man up and break up with her yourself. Just hope you don't have an STD now because it's likely the person who is f-ing her does.

[USMCHokie]

You have a lot to learn about women.

 

 

As do you...

[123BeachFan]

If she was at a party the night before, no STD will present itself so quickly.

 

I would imagine instead that she was getting some sort of symptom, and then wanted to make sure there wasn't something to be worried about.

 

Remember, too, she's taken your word that you were STD free, and that you've been monogamous.

 

I agree with an earlier poster, if she thought she caught it from another guy while she was dating you, she wouldn't tell you a THING unless she came back positive with something.

[carhill]

'I felt your anger when I asked about your doctor's appointment. Why were you angry?'

 

Listen.

 

I was manipulated by a master in my marriage and have a very sensitive barometer regarding how females manipulate verbally and via behavior. If I had been asked the question (about the doctor's appointment), I'd merely say 'I went to the lab and got my twice yearly STD panel. When the results are in we can read the report'. Back when I was single I got tested regularly and shared the results with any lady I was sexual with. It's really a non-issue.

 

Drinking, spending nights and girlfriend's houses, interesting doctor's appointments and unusual anger about a health test from a medical professional all have my spidey sense going here. I'm rarely surprised, but happy to be. Good surprises are fun

[Crazy Magnet]

It's great that she is tested regularly. Unless you showed her a piece of paper saying you were clean, and the HIV testing was done at least six months after your last partner prior to her, then she's right on schedule with when she should be tested.

 

Everyone should know their status. My bf says he's clean, but the professional in me says to go get tested again anyway. It's cheap, easy, and it's better to know your status than NOT know it.

 

I'm also a huge STD testing advocate. I've taught all sorts of classes and it's my personal crusade to make STD testing as much of a stigma as testing for strep throat. It should be a non issue in a sexual relationship. It's the mature and healthy choice.

 

As for the shady stuff...if something else is going on the truth will surface sooner or later.

[sally4sara]

I use to get the whole shebang ran with my yearly gyno; but then - I didn't trust my exhusband.

 

Could be something shady, could just be something she does once a year, and it could be she cannot fully trust you. And it could be that she didn't need to tell you her medical going-ons because its suppose to be confidential. She did tell you and didn't follow that with "so I got a disease" and still got grilled over it. I might get cranky about that too.

[carhill]

Enlighten me...

 

If a woman questions a man about his day, she's communicating. If a man questions a woman about her day, he's 'grilling'?

 

And, since when is personal medical information surrounding sex to be off-limits for partners who are having sexual intercourse and other sexual contact? I thought such communication was/is part of a mature adult relationship. I can assure you it is for myself, as are the appropriate assurances wrt STD's. Since the OP says they're having 'a lot of sex', it follows they should be having 'a lot of communication', as evidenced by the conversation in the OP. Sounds healthy to me. Anger for being curious, not so healthy. I'd say the same thing if it were a female posting about her interactions with a male. Something is up. It just remains to clarify it.

[norajane]

like what if all of the sudden shes a closet whore?

Really? Your gf did the responsible thing and went in for an annual STD test, and you're ready to believe she's a "closet whore"?

 

And did you say that to her? Whether or not you asked if she was a closet whore, I'm guessing that attitude came out in your questioning her why she went to get tested, which is why she got cranky.

 

And why do you expect her to tell you beforehand when she gets tested? Do you expect her to tell you when she goes in for her pap smear? For her annual check-up? As a nurse, she probably gets tested for hepatitis and HIV - do you expect to be told when she gets tested?

 

When was the last time you did the responsible thing and got tested for STD's? Because you said:

 

Like we haven;t done it without protection in at least 2 months,

which means you DID do it without protection before then. And maybe you did it without protection before her, with other girlfriends? Are YOU a closet whore?

[norajane]

Enlighten me...

 

If a woman questions a man about his day, she's communicating. If a man questions a woman about her day, he's 'grilling'?

 

And, since when is personal medical information surrounding sex to be off-limits for partners who are having sexual intercourse and other sexual contact? I thought such communication was/is part of a mature adult relationship. I can assure you it is for myself, as are the appropriate assurances wrt STD's. Since the OP says they're having 'a lot of sex', it follows they should be having 'a lot of communication', as evidenced by the conversation in the OP. Sounds healthy to me. Anger for being curious, not so healthy. I'd say the same thing if it were a female posting about her interactions with a male. Something is up. It just remains to clarify it.

 

Carhill, she told him she got tested. She didn't hide that - she volunteered this information when he asked what she did that day. She communicated that to him, and she communicated to him that, as a nurse, she is conscious of STD's and is nervous about them. What was she not communicating?

 

She got angry when he started questioning why, because she must be a closet whore if she got tested during their relationship. And if he kept asking the same questions after she already had told him why, I can see her getting angry because he was insinuating there must be a reason, like she cheated on him because she's a closet whore, while he, of course, is certain he's STD free though he hasn't been tested recently.

 

By saying something is up, you are doing the same thing the OP did to her - insinuating she's been sleeping around. Yeah, that makes a woman angry.