so-lost Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Hi, can anyone analyze my situation and give me your 2-cents? History: My bf and I officially together for 2 months. Time was short but the relationship was amazing. He was like my soul-mate coz we understand each other in a heart beat. I never dated a guy like him. He was so sweet and kind and he is the type I really like - vision, value, etc same as mine. Problem: He is 28 and claimed that once he was lost and lazy and that is why now he is not "successful" as a 28-yr old should be [per him]. He has changed drastically [before I met him] - diligent, getting his college degree now, upgrading himself to have a better life, learn new things, self-taught on career-oriented skills to make himself more marketable, working 2 jobs, 7 days a week. These are the qualities I fell in love with. His comment was he is fixing his entire life now for better future. Breakup: 2 weeks ago he brokeup with me - reason is he is a horrible BF and does not make time for me and has no time for me. He says I should find a guy who can be here for me 100%. He says he cannot invest in a relationship now because he has so many things he love to do, his passions, hobbies and if he spends time with me 2x a week, one of the things in his life will be compromised - either lack of sleep, either no time to study, either less efficient at work, either no time to learn his new skills or train for his hobbies. He told me unfortunately he loves his hobbies more and have to breakup with me. He loves me but he cannot handle and jargle. BTW, he has switched from working 2 jobs for 7 days a week to one full time job and off on tues n thursday every week. He has class on those off days. My emotion: I of coz, devastated. Why? Coz after all these years I finally found a guy whom I feel so connected, feels "like" soul-mate. He has ALMOST everything I love even though not perfect. I am dying to have him back. Yesterday, I requested to hangout with him, after much negotiations he agreed and we spent many hours together hiking, dinner. First he reluctant to kiss me coz he says we are JUST friends and friends DONT french kiss. He only will kiss my forehead and hands. He told me he treasure the good relationship we once had and dont want to take me as a F*K buddy coz he respects me. I asked if he will still see me [hangout] and yes he will and when we hangout we are like couple except no kissing or further. I enjoy being with him..I cannot afford to lose him. I am so dead ever since he brokeup with me 2 weeks ago.. I lost sleep..I cannot smile anymore, I lost appetite and no mood at work. Question: Can I continue to do this? If hangout now is almost no different from in a relationship. We held hands, we hugged, we laughed and chat and smiled. He kissed my forehead and cared for me. He even helped me to fix my shower. It makes me happy to be with him and get to see him and feel him. My ultimate goal is salvage this relationship and that he wont forget me [out of sight out of mind]. I do want ourselves get another chance and work things out but for now he just refuses to even try. But if we severe contact, out of sight out of mind, he will eventually forget me and I wont get anymore chance to salvage. I just dont want to let go this romance. It took me years to find a guy like him.
skydiveaddict Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I think this thing is over between you two. But my advice would be to have no more contact w/him. Let him be the one who comes back. He already knows how you feel, so now it's up to him. Quit hanging out with him when you know you want it to be more than that, it's just going to frustrate you and leave you heartbroken..I hope things go the way you want them too
LoveTruthChaos Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Listen to SkyDiveAddict. That is the ultimate truth, right there. No ifs, no buts. That's it.
GrayClouds Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Read the following, do all that it says, it is your best hope: So you want a second chance?
The Non-Student Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I know it feels like you had an amazing relationship, but two months time is not sufficient to know someone. Try to put your head into this as much as your heart. Is this really worth all of your energy and time when you only knew each other a few months? What would you tell your best friend if she were in your position? It's difficult to be in the middle of hurting and see things clearly, but try to be honest with yourself about what you had, why it was broken, and what it would take to make it work.
Author so-lost Posted June 2, 2010 Author Posted June 2, 2010 Thanks to you all for advice. The pain is unbearable and I just wont allow myself to let go.
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