kiteman Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 (edited) Hi Everyone I am seperated 7 months from my wife we have been together 15 years and had only this relationship really.We are married 7 years I have done everything possible for us and our daughter I am a great provider but discovered I am codependent and so is she.I have found out that I can stand on my own two feet pretty well.She has not worked much hardly any!When we broke up it was horrific for me dealing with a woman who emascilated me and pushed me once.She was a bully she was allways right and I always obeyed her. My fault was I couldnt stand up to her and when I did it was trouble I couldnt win it was a bit like a fighter being knocked to the ground trying to get up but being hit as soon as he moved!during the marriage she would want to talk and it was always put back to me.I thought at the end that I was crazy and blamed myself for the breakup. Right so she called the marriage over I sort of agreed i moved out I didnt want my daughter moving out.she blamed me constantly for 4 months it was horrible it was supposed to be a trial seperation.But she said one day that "we are no longer husband and wife we can see who we like I wish you well"so i said ok im moving back in she siad ok im moving out of the house fine I said so now Im in the family home and shes in rented accomodation paid for by the state ha ha typical someone else always pays her way! I was devestated I could not talk to her she would twist words back and forth her whole dialogue was contradictory.I asked her if there was someone else she said no but there &^%$$£$ wil be! during this I was giving her money paying the mortgage and minding my SN daughter ok this is the turning point I was told to become tough real tough with her I did and after getting tough I would want to go in cos I felt guilty and make it better but I didnt and I knew that she might collapse she couldnt sit with herself she would be everywhere. she said one day im so sorry for how I treated you she meant it (it still hurts)I said i accept your apology I siad to her I dont want anyone else and that I love you but I hate her behaviour .I said I am setting a date for me to move on she said you move on(she was emotional)I want you sexually but I cant cos I dont want to hurt you! she siad I dont know who I am or what I want but I do care for you!it takes all I have to get through the day i care for her too and when we were talking honestly I actually felt love for her! I have a few lady admirers and one I get on with fairly well! I havent dated or slept around but a man has needs! I have courage galore and would get through anything I want someone to admire and love me! CAn anyone figure this lady out? and should i date or wait? at the moment we are talking and she gave me a hug for supporting her the other day! confused hurt and lonely I am (but &*&^%$^% strong!) Edited June 1, 2010 by kiteman
What_Next Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I know I am new around here, but you have to answer your own question. Bottom line, are you ready? Ask yourself this question and give an honest answer (I actually suggest using a mirror).
tojaz Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Hi Everyone she said one day im so sorry for how I treated you she meant it (it still hurts)I said i accept your apology I siad to her I dont want anyone else and that I love you but I hate her behaviour .I said I am setting a date for me to move on she said you move on(she was emotional)I want you sexually but I cant cos I dont want to hurt you! she siad I dont know who I am or what I want but I do care for you!it takes all I have to get through the day i care for her too and when we were talking honestly I actually felt love for her! There are lots of people that will tell me I'm wrong, but i think you answered your own question there. We all want to be loved and are shattered when that love we are used to is taken away. Its only natural to try and replace it. The real question here is, are you ready to move on? Or are you still fighting for reconciliation? As for figuring her out.... Not sure anyone could if she cant, but It sounds like your wife is going through a major transition within herself and doesn't know what she wants. That hurts like hell and the only thing you can offer her is patience. Welcome to LS and keep posting TOJAZ
V1k1ng0 Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I understand what you are going through. My mind is telling me NO but my body, my body is telling me YES. Like the others said only you can answer that question. When all is said and done only you can answer for your actions. It sounds to me like you still have hope for things to change. If you have hope that things will work out then you already know the answer to your question. You just have to be honest with yourself. It's not what you do when things are good but what you do when things are bad that show you what you are made of. Bottomline/My Best Advice: Pray about it and examine yourself
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Mayn i dont understand when chicks say i dont know how i feel. Well let me tell you how i feel. a woman who acts on her feelings will never be sure of anything because feelings fluctuate a man operates on feelings and logic. Kite listen only you can tell yourself what you want outta life. people here can give you advice but in the end. You make that decision. no one else. I know for a fact that a guy like me would not put up with any woman's bull****. Fact! If she cant change or shows no evidence of change give her the boot and move on. Alot of females who bitherly complain about their spouse is abusive would find multitude of females who would shout leave him, he aint no good, he's a dog. etc. etc. lol. The choice is yours I know for me. I couldnt be married to a woman who treated me like crap. I'd say f her, middle finger high and leave!
Mombot Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 If you are separated and not D then you probably belong on the Infidelity board-
HowCouldShe Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 that girl sounds like a straight up borderline personality disorder...much like my ex...get the book "stop walking on eggshells"....works wonders...
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