why a fight every time he goes to work

[scatterd]

So my husband can see Im getting fed up I am having a hard time with trust and he thinks its in the past he has done nothing to prove anything to me.He argues all work week and trys to win me back on the week ends.Tell me why is that I am getting where I recent him he watched me cry and my body go to **** for months now and showed no care it seems like every time I got better he would drag me down again.He must like having his ego stroked.I wont be apart of it no more I have asked and told him I want to separate but no he does not want that.It seems he is trying to make me the bad one everything he does I question.ARGgggggggggggg.Why wont he admit and why am I suppose to let what I feel go.First he wanted devoice then I catch him staying out late going to and girls house that likes both men and woman that he said liked woman only caught him calling her down stairs sneaking a phone call to her.told me he did not love me anymore.This is driving me crazy is he still doing her or what.he says he loves me now that he did nothing and was trying to even with me but even over what? but this is not love any answers please this is so hard.thanks guys

Edited June 1, 2010 by scatterd

[bittersweet memories]

So my husband can see Im getting fed up I am having a hard time with trust and he thinks its in the past he has done nothing to prove anything to me.He argues all work week and trys to win me back on the week ends.Tell me why is that I am getting where I recent him he watched me cry and my body go to **** for months now and showed no care it seems like every time I got better he would drag me down again.He must like having his ego stroked.I wont be apart of it no more I have asked and told him I want to separate but no he does not want that.It seems he is trying to make me the bad one everything he does I question.ARGgggggggggggg.Why wont he admit and why am I suppose to let what I feel go.First he wanted devoice then I catch him staying out late going to and girls house that likes both men and woman that he said liked woman only caught him calling her down stairs sneaking a phone call to her.told me he did not love me anymore.This is driving me crazy is he still doing her or what.he says he loves me now that he did nothing and was trying to even with me but even over what? but this is not love any answers please this is so hard.thanks guys

 

I thought you seperated..so you decided to give him another chance huh?

[Owl]

If you don't like the dance...change the steps.

 

You've already recognized his pattern. Placate you on the weekends, but treat you like crap and expect you to do all the work to win him back during the week.

 

All you have to do to end this dance is to change YOUR steps in it.

 

Instead of crying and begging and asking him all these questions...move out. Leave him. Or alternatively, pack his crap, change the locks, and call his best friend/mom/bartender and tell them to come pick up his stuff for him.

 

Stop trying so hard to make it work. Make him actually change what he's doing.

 

Let him come to you, let him EARN his way back into your life, rather than treat you like crap and expect you to beg him back.

 

Change your steps...he'll be forced to dance to YOUR tune rather than his own.

[scatterd]

I cant get out of here until trailer is done.I have tried to go about my life and did one day of counseling I have to be here a little longer.He keeps saying he loves me and wants to work it out but does not talk to me about anything.I am drained I quit crying and my hearts hardened but the disrespect and defensiveness is horrible.I have so many things to do to get my life back on track.What is wrong with him he acts like I am the one that did this.He is nice on week ends but pissy all week.I will be going to stay a few more days a my daughters.Its weird Im not feeling like curling up in a ball no more Im kind of numb Im doing what I can.Its hard to jump out of the fire when I cant work due to back.My family is trying to figure out how to help.He was a good man for many years I feel hes gone like he died and thats not him.I do know we can not continue like this but still so confused.Will it be better when Im completely away.I think hes mad because I dont trust him.Sorry I am rambling its all the mess.we argued and he put his fist up this time I have been beaten before not by him but I hate that.Tell me what should I do?

[Owl]

You should recognize that you have a penchant (not all that uncommon for women, really) to select abusive men as partners.

 

You were with someone before who was physically abusive.

 

You're with someone now who is emotionally abusive.

 

It's a pattern...and a common one.

 

The solution? Leave, and get counseling.

[scatterd]

I was single for years in between and I went for a man that was gentle we have been married almost 17 yrs and this started in sept.I beleived in him along time thats what shocked me so bad.Thanks for helping