Dexter Morgan Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 I guess I don't get it either. You posted here to see if your concerns made sense. You got a massive list of responses back telling you that there were reasons for you to be concerned. You come back and tell everyone who took the time to tell you this that they're wrong, they don't know your wife, yada yada yada. What was the point of posting here at all then? exactly Owl. I think he was hoping that we would tell him its no big deal. He knows the reality is she is gonna act like a single woman on this cruise, but he just doesn't want to believe it. good luck with that
NoIDidn't Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 He knows the reality is she is gonna act like a single woman on this cruise, but he just doesn't want to believe it. I'm curious as to how a single woman "acts". I go out with married and single friends alike. We flirt with guys and talk to them. But they always know which of us is married. We don't give out phone numbers, or dance too close to them either - I don't dance with other men at all (a weakness of mine that I keep in check). But we do have fun when out with our girlfriends. Just how does a single woman act that a married woman shouldn't under the same circumstances?
sruben Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 I'm curious as to how a single woman "acts". I go out with married and single friends alike. We flirt with guys and talk to them. But they always know which of us is married. We don't give out phone numbers, or dance too close to them either - I don't dance with other men at all (a weakness of mine that I keep in check). But we do have fun when out with our girlfriends. Just how does a single woman act that a married woman shouldn't under the same circumstances? Available.
Dexter Morgan Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 I'm curious as to how a single woman "acts". free to do as she wishes and hook up with whoever she likes. In other words, not tied down by marriage and free to see whoever they want. I know you were fishing for something more, but its just that simple. I go out with married and single friends alike. We flirt with guys and talk to them. you flirt eh? so you are showing sexual interest to other men....interesting. But they always know which of us is married. We don't give out phone numbers, or dance too close to them either - I don't dance with other men at all (a weakness of mine that I keep in check). a weakness of yours? meaning you really REALLY want to, you just don't. I know you posted thinking that it would put going out partying with other singles in a light that says its no big deal, but to me the post did just the opposite.
califnan Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 you flirt eh? so you are showing sexual interest to other men....interesting. QUOTE] -------------------- It's called Teasing, Dex.. Dressing sexy, to make a woman "feel good about herself"? ha
Dexter Morgan Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 you flirt eh? so you are showing sexual interest to other men....interesting. QUOTE] -------------------- It's called Teasing, Dex.. Dressing sexy, to make a woman "feel good about herself"? ha Well, question I'd have is, why flirt? To me it is disrespectful to your SO. I don't think a woman of mine is going to want me to send signals of interest to other women and pawn it off as "flirting". but hey, we are getting off topic now.
califnan Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Well, question I'd have is, why flirt? To me it is disrespectful to your SO. I don't think a woman of mine is going to want me to send signals of interest to other women and pawn it off as "flirting". but hey, we are getting off topic now. ----------------- The writing was already on the wall when OP mentioned his wife dresses sexy for work .. These flirting teasing women are soliciting interest, while being in denial themselves..
lonestar190 Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 (edited) Flirting is a healthy part of normal social interactions that has been proven to be part of healthy relationships. But there is appropriate flirting and inappropriate flirting. Appropriate flirting improves personal confidence and acknowledges attraction. Inappropriate flirting, as Dexter said, shows sexual interest. Basically, appropriate flirting can be said in front of people, including your significant other. And, as said before, the difference is appearing available. Flirting becomes inappropriate when it indicates the sincere interest to do something more. This situation sounds like a plan to engage in inappropriate flirting and probably more. I would be extrememly uncomfortable. Edited June 4, 2010 by lonestar190
Darth Vader Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Well, actually, its not so much that I'm uncomfortable with her taking a trip with her friends, or that there will be other men around. I'm not. Frankly, there are plenty of available men and women everywhere. You don't have to travel 2000 miles for that. And she tends to dress pretty sexy when she goes to work most of the time already. I don't really care if she flirts and dances. I just don't know how far these things progress in that kind of environment, or if these kinds of cruises attract hordes of horny men that will be trying to pour shooters of tequila down her throat, or if its just a lot of older couples, newly weds and a few singles here and there. And if what linwood predicts to happen does happens, which is probably not a high odds, given that she has told me she's not interested in other men, does she come back a changed person? She's wearing small dresses and little bikini panties while going on a cruise without you? Oh yeah! She's looking to get laid! She's going to find some young guy/s and straddle him and ride him like a bucking bronco, then get back and say "nothing happened":rolleyes:! If she does feel guilt after her mind blowing orgasms, she'll be saying that she was drunk and that it was all a mistake and that she never meant for it to happen! YEAH RIGHT!
Posh Polly Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 This is madness. You don't own your wife, nor do you have the right to forbid her to go anywhere. Simply say to her before she leaves, I love you. Please keep our marriage sacred. Problem solved.
NoIDidn't Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 free to do as she wishes and hook up with whoever she likes. In other words, not tied down by marriage and free to see whoever they want. I know you were fishing for something more, but its just that simple. you flirt eh? so you are showing sexual interest to other men....interesting. a weakness of yours? meaning you really REALLY want to, you just don't. I know you posted thinking that it would put going out partying with other singles in a light that says its no big deal, but to me the post did just the opposite. Well Dext, you are known for assuming the opposite anyway, so I am not surprised. I also didn't say that I only go out with single friends. Its all women, married and single. The title of this thread is "Girls' Week", so I may have missed where the OP said all the other women were single. Yes I really want to dance sometimes. I LOVE to dance. But its something I just don't want to risk. And dancing is so sensual, so its a weakness of mine. My H doesn't dance at all. I've had to give it up since marrying him, to a degree. I do dance with others IN HIS PRESENCE so he can know its on the up and up . Company parties are my/his faves to dance and him to watch..... Flirting is a healthy part of normal social interactions that has been proven to be part of healthy relationships. But there is appropriate flirting and inappropriate flirting. Appropriate flirting improves personal confidence and acknowledges attraction. Inappropriate flirting, as Dexter said, shows sexual interest. Basically, appropriate flirting can be said in front of people, including your significant other. And, as said before, the difference is appearing available. Flirting becomes inappropriate when it indicates the sincere interest to do something more. This situation sounds like a plan to engage in inappropriate flirting and probably more. I would be extrememly uncomfortable. I am a huge and natural flirt, but its NEVER sexual. My H is often present and even teases me for being so flirtatious. It can be done without sexual intent. I'm outgoing and (come off as) extremely confident. These traits are people magnets. But I don't dress "sexy" or wear short skirts and the like. I missed that part of the OP where it was said that she dresses sexy all the time and wears clothing I consider too risque for myself. I still see nothing wrong with her trip. She may well intend to do some inappropriate flirting, but even that isn't cheating. It will effect trust in the R, but its not cheating.
linwood Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 This is madness. You don't own your wife, nor do you have the right to forbid her to go anywhere. Simply say to her before she leaves, I love you. Please keep our marriage sacred. Problem solved. Oh my that`s funny!
MizFit Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Oh my that`s funny! Yes...I agree. Similar to saying to your teenager that's heading off to the prom-respect what you've been taught...don't have sex and don't drink. The thought might last 10 seconds...
Green Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 My wife is planning a seven day Mexican Rivera cruise with two of her single girlfriends. She has purchased three very sexy, slinky, come hither cocktail dresses for the evenings and a different set of skimpy sheer mesh and lace bras and bikini panties for each outfit. Red lingerie for the black dress, etc. She says she wants to have fun and look nice and maybe go out dancing, but that I shouldn’t worry about anything. She is in her late 40s and has a rocking hot body, draws guys like a magnet and is naturally flirtatious. Admittedly, in some ways I find it exciting and I'm happy for her, but frankly I’m not sure what to make of it all. She’s going, that’s for sure and I support her in that. I think she deserves some time with her friends. Does anything actually happen on these cruises or is it mostly couples and not a heavy single scene that I shouldn’t sweat it? If your wife was going away for the weekend to a FAMILY REUNION with THREE VERY SEXY DRESSES AND LACE BRAS AND BIKINI PANTIES I would worry. TO put it another way if MY GF WAS GOING ON VACATION WITH 2 SINGLE FRIENDS ... THAT ALONE WOULD WORRY ME. NOW YOU HAVE THE TRIAD OF BAD THINGS 1) Sexy outfits 2) Single Friends 3) You won't be there. CALL IT OFF. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. Seriously do you have any urge to go on a vacation with out your wife with singles?
seibert253 Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 This is madness. You don't own your wife, nor do you have the right to forbid her to go anywhere. Simply say to her before she leaves, I love you. Please keep our marriage sacred. Problem solved. I'm sure that'll work well.
jnj express Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Actually posh polly is somewhat right----you are spose to trust your spouse----but this is a different situation where temptation is shoved right to the forefront---in that the wife is not going home to the H., there is no H.----there is alcohol, men looking for sex, and available rooms right down the hall-------every night for 6 nights
Dexter Morgan Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Well Dext' date=' you are known for assuming the opposite anyway, so I am not surprised. I also didn't say that I only go out with single friends. Its all women, married and single. The title of this thread is "Girls' Week", so I may have missed where the OP said all the other women were single.[/quote'] very first sentence: "My wife is planning a seven day Mexican Rivera cruise with two of her single girlfriends." Yes I really want to dance sometimes. I LOVE to dance. But its something I just don't want to risk. And dancing is so sensual, so its a weakness of mine. you didn't say just dancing, you said: "I don't dance with other men at all (a weakness of mine that I keep in check)." in other words dancing with "OTHER MEN" is a weakness of yours. Why is dancing with other men a weakness for you? And why do you have to keep it in check? Can't control yourself if you don't? But I don't dress "sexy" or wear short skirts and the like. I missed that part of the OP where it was said that she dresses sexy all the time and wears clothing I consider too risque for myself. I still see nothing wrong with her trip. if there is nothing wrong, then the husband can go along, right?
Dexter Morgan Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 This is madness. You don't own your wife, nor do you have the right to forbid her to go anywhere. I'm sorry, please show us where he said he is going to forbid her to go or that he owns her
NoIDidn't Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 very first sentence: "My wife is planning a seven day Mexican Rivera cruise with two of her single girlfriends." I didn't see it. Not that it matters much to me. My single friends are all aware of my M and would not encourage me to violate it. you didn't say just dancing, you said: "I don't dance with other men at all (a weakness of mine that I keep in check)." in other words dancing with "OTHER MEN" is a weakness of yours. Why is dancing with other men a weakness for you? And why do you have to keep it in check? Can't control yourself if you don't? Dext, these questions sound like they were asked by a 16-year-old. I hope you don't badger people like this IRL. I'll answer because its pretty obvious that you can't imagine being tempted by something and yet be able to control yourself. I don't dance with "other men" when my H is not around. I DO dance with "other men" when he is. We (the "other man" and I) are a lot less likely to take dancing too far when my H is present. I've danced with "other men" when my H wasn't around early in our marriage, and it made me a little sad that my H won't take me dancing, the man can't keep a beat on the dancefloor, LOL. And I remember the feelings it aroused. I don't want to do such, but know its a weakness. BUT If I did dance will another man without my H present anyway, and the feelings were aroused - I'd stop and not dance any further. I'd probably tell my friends I'd like to leave. Then we'd leave. I have self-control. Too much of it, I've been told. if there is nothing wrong, then the husband can go along, right? I don't believe that just because you are married that you have to take all of your vacations together. Nothing has to be wrong just because one of the individuals in the couple want to vacation with friends without the other spouse. I have friends that were there long before my M. I would still like to spend time with them alone without my H sometimes. I still need to nurture those Rs without my H always tagging along. Same for him. So long as its not a co-ed trip, where temptation is built in by the opposite sex friends going as well. I still see nothing wrong with this trip. I can see someone cheating on an insecure person just because they are sick of their neediness, though. No emotionally healthy person is so insecure that they have to be present at all times to keep their spouse faithful.
sruben Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 I can see someone cheating on an insecure person just because they are sick of their neediness, though. No emotionally healthy person is so insecure that they have to be present at all times to keep their spouse faithful. Whoa! I did NOT just read that! Are you saying that one spouse's insecurity can really be used as a justification for cheating?
Dexter Morgan Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I hope you don't badger people like this IRL. I'll answer because its pretty obvious that you can't imagine being tempted by something and yet be able to control yourself. uh, sorry, there is a difference between being subjected to a temptation and having a weakness for that temptation. I'm tempted all the time, I don't, however, have a weakness to them. To say you have a weakness says that its something you really want and you have to check yourself otherwise you just may very well partake. I don't dance with "other men" when my H is not around. I DO dance with "other men" when he is. We (the "other man" and I) are a lot less likely to take dancing too far when my H is present. boom, thanks for proving my point. you are married, it shouldn't get to a certain point whether your husband is around or not. being married should be what keeps you from dancing with other men, not the fear of what you will do if he is not around. BUT If I did dance will another man without my H present anyway, and the feelings were aroused - I'd stop and not dance any further. that is contrary to what you said above. Either its likely you will take things further, or its not......make up your mind. I don't believe that just because you are married that you have to take all of your vacations together. as long as you don't go dancing I suppose, because your H won't be around and that temptation is just too strong for you. I can see someone cheating on an insecure person just because they are sick of their neediness, though. rather than breaking up with them? excuses, excuses. No emotionally healthy person is so insecure that they have to be present at all times to keep their spouse faithful. nobody is talking about being present with their SO at all times. I had a gf that went on a trip with other women to go Christmas shopping and stay in a hotel, all other women were married, and she didn't go out and buy sexy lingerie for the trip either.........didn't bother me...call me kooky:o
Dexter Morgan Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Whoa! I did NOT just read that! Are you saying that one spouse's insecurity can really be used as a justification for cheating? well of course she'll say no to that question:rolleyes:
porkinsjehosaphat Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I don't believe that just because you are married that you have to take all of your vacations together. Well just because you are married to someone doesn't mean you can't have sex with someone else, either. Right?
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