jnj express Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Backster----you are never gonna know---it's just that simple, and for the rest of your married days---you are gonna wonder. Why is she buying the lingerie so she can look at herself in the mirror, is she gonna wear it for her girlfriends---you know exactly why she bought it. Ask yourself---HOW MANY OF YOUR MARRIED FRIEND WIVES, WENT ON CRUISES, BY THEMSELVES WITH 2 SINGLE WOMEN AS COMPANIONS, WHO ARE GONNA BE OUT LOOKING FOR SEX I mean its real simple they are gonna hook up with guys every night, cuz that's what is DONE on a cruise---the single friends are gonna go off with their pickups for the night, their is gonna be a guy there for your wife---do you think she is gonna go to her cabin by herself, and leave the guy. Like I said---YOU WILL NEVER KNOW---forget the polygraph---either you go along, or she doesn't go----it's just that simple If she complains---remind her she took vows with you----At your ages I would assume, you probably have kids, what is this gonna do to them. You better wake up RIGHT NOW, and put a stop to this----Or i guarantee you, your carefree days are over forever----AND DO NOT TRY TO SPIN THIS ANY OTHER WAY---It doesn't compute. People go on cruises to cut loose, get drunk, have sex, loose their inhibitions, loose their responsibilty----why else go on a cruise---and as I said before---why the HE*L IS SHE DOING SOMETHING LIKE THIS W/OUT YOU HER H.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I really can see both sides, but you guys are merciless and have your minds in the gutter..... What is bothersome is the lingerie..... That just bothers me and may be the tipping point.
whatcanidonow2 Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Backster, I've got to agree with EVERYONE else in the possibility or even liklihood that your wife is making herself ready for a fling, but only you know the real state of your marriage. If it's in good shape, intimate emotionally & physically, then maybe you have a chance. You have to look closely however - are there any flaws? Anything missing? Do you really communicate well, pay her enough attention, keep her feeling good about herself all the time? Chances are that things aren't perfect. She's really hot, right? Well some dude on the cruise will make her feel like the sexiest woman on the boat - she'll find the part of the marriage that's missing & you'll be betrayed. Look deep inside your own marriage - you know if there's anything missing.
Owl Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I really can see both sides, but you guys are merciless and have your minds in the gutter..... What is bothersome is the lingerie..... That just bothers me and may be the tipping point. The question was posted on an infidelity board primarily populated by betrayed spouses. Can you imagine a MORE jaded group to pose the question to than that?!?!!? But that doesn't negate the value of the responses he got either. Clearly he was uncomfortable with her choices, or he wouldn't have posted here in the first place. How many posters here had their first indicator of the affair as that "gut instinct" that's telling him that something's not quite right with what's about to happen?
Owl Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Even if she's not 'consciously' planning on having a fling, she's certainly setting the stage for one to happen. Going only with single friends. Not going with her husband or someone who is likely to hold her accountable. Choosing deliberately provocative clothing. and choosing provocative lingerie She might not be planning anything at all. But she's still going to be in a position where it MIGHT happen, and both you and her would be fools not to recognize that risk and avoid it. Or, she might even already have something/someone in mind. You might find out about a male friend/co-worker who "just happened" to be on the same boat. Of course, you won't find out about that until AFTER the fact, of course. The choice is up to you. Ignore the gut instinct that prompted you to post here in the first place, and tell her to go. Sit around all tore up emotionally while she's gone, and wait for the ball to drop when she gets back...for as long as it takes for that ball to drop. Or you can proactively avoid the situation altogether. Up to you at this point.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 ...She WILL betray him, the signs are evident. it is...inevitable. What married women would have a vacation with her single friends away from her husband with new lingerie??? WTF. id have her served when she gets back. I'd tell you that now. Imagine if i came home to my wife, after working out for months. oh hey honey me and my homies are going down to brazil. i just brought some nice silk boxers and a box of condoms. no need to worry. I'll be thinking of you the entire time im down there. C'mon. this board would be in an uproar if a man was doing this. She needs to be home or dont go at all. and if she does go against her husband's wishes after he lets her know he's not comfortable with her going. Have her served. It may be overkill but the situation has too many red flags and the OP knows it. it's looking grimmer by the second.
Nikki Sahagin Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I find this a difficult topic for answer. I personally have been to Malia when I've had a boyfriend; a place notorious for alcohol and sex, and NOT cheated, nor did I have any interest to. I'm also going to Amsterdam, notorious for prostitutes and drugs - i'm not going to partake in either. Also, whether single or not, I always dress 'sexy.' If you're wife is that type of woman, then it doesn't necessarily mean she is planning to cheat on you. People go away without their partners ALL of the time, husbands go on buisness trips...you will never know what they are doing when you aren't there. Do you have true reasons to not trust her from past experiences?
WalkingOnEggs Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 She already told her friends she's going, she bought the clothes, and probably bought the tickets. Doing a 180 now is not going to be easy. But it's a moot point anyway. If she'll hell-bent on getting some strange on the side, then one way or the other, cruise or no cruise, she's going to get it. Bottom line is she's looking for a romp in the sack with another guy. That's the reality of your marriage right now.
whatcanidonow2 Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 (edited) Walkingoneggs, it all depends on the state of backster's current marriage. If it's genuinely a loving fulfilled marriage, maybe he has nothing to worry about .......... How are you & your wife getting on backster? This may be the key to it all. Edited June 2, 2010 by whatcanidonow2
aeh Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I am a woman. I had girlfriends who went on cruises together without their husbands and I must admit, I did always find it strange. That being said, I don't find anything wrong with dressing "sexy" etc. HOWEVER, I agree completely with the previous posters who have a sticking point with the lingerie. THAT is the clincher. I may dress sexy every day, and yes, probably sexy panties, or whatever, but going out and buying new sets of lingerie...matching, even....Big red flag to me. I know that only my husband is going to see me undressed so...
Fight4Me Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I can't help but think that she could be meeting up with someone, and her single girlfriends are going along as a cover. Like everyone else, the matching lingerie is the clincher for me. I would try to think back over the course of the past few weeks/months and ask yourself if anything has changed with her routine, your sex life (greater or lesser frequency/passion), extra work put into her appearance, how she relates to you, etc. You say she dresses sexy at the office, but have you ever known her to buy sexy matching lingerie for her outfits? Some of us only had the privilege of hindsight, but if you can pinpoint it now, you might be able to prevent it from going further. Check phone records, computer history, etc. I can tell you that for me personally, I like to look sexy, but not if I'm not going home to my husband at the very least. And even though he probably wouldn't mind me going out with my girlfriends looking hot, it just wouldn't feel right to go anywhere like that without him. I might be able to see myself going on a trip with just the girls, but it would not be under the circumstances you described. If you feel something is "off," don't ignore it.
califnan Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 The question was posted on an infidelity board primarily populated by betrayed spouses. Can you imagine a MORE jaded group to pose the question to than that?!?!!? But that doesn't negate the value of the responses he got either. Clearly he was uncomfortable with her choices, or he wouldn't have posted here in the first place. How many posters here had their first indicator of the affair as that "gut instinct" that's telling him that something's not quite right with what's about to happen? ----------------------- The wife, through working - has already had a preview of dressing sexy on the job, according to her husband.. (Do you have any idea how much trouble/discomfort push-up bras can be on a day to day basis ).. Now the cruise (down to the underwear).. to try herself? It is not the forum itself - I just have a diff perspective of the role of the husband and wife in the marriage - their committment, closeness, intimacy - in that this cruise w the girlfriends doesn't fit it, even without the sexy clothing and underwear.
Gman95670 Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I bet at least 90% of the folks reading this thread believe she is going to wind up cheating to some degree. If she does, take some solace in knowing there was nothing you could do to prevent it. She won't cancel the trip and is making preparations to attract men. Unless she gets seasick, odds are she is going to stray.
califnan Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I bet at least 90% of the folks reading this thread believe she is going to wind up cheating to some degree. If she does, take some solace in knowing there was nothing you could do to prevent it. She won't cancel the trip and is making preparations to attract men. Unless she gets seasick, odds are she is going to stray. ----------------------- It just seems to me that it has been done in baby steps .. First playing sexy dress-up at work .. I don't know if the girlfriends are married or single.. But at any rate, whether she is aware of it or not .. she is living a fantasy of playing single..
2sure Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I am in my 40s. I have a pretty rockin body. I travel quite a bit, sometimes with just a girlfriend or two & often without my husband. My bras and panties nearly always match. I buy new clothes before I go on vacation. Men generally give me some attention and I'll admit I enjoy it. I have never cheated . It has never crossed my mind.
MizFit Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 She already told her friends she's going, she bought the clothes, and probably bought the tickets. Doing a 180 now is not going to be easy. But it's a moot point anyway. If she'll hell-bent on getting some strange on the side, then one way or the other, cruise or no cruise, she's going to get it. Bottom line is she's looking for a romp in the sack with another guy. That's the reality of your marriage right now. She already took the vows, she already bought and wore the dress, and had a reception. Doing a 180 now seems to be pretty darned easy for her. She can change her mind if her husbands peace of mind and the future of her marriage is at stake. I do agree with you though...she's going to get it whether she goes on this cruise or not.
Els Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Wow. Would all the posters here who are so eager to accuse the wife, say the same thing if it was a guy going off for a guys' weekend?
Maladjusted Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I would think that if she bought the lingerie, then she (or her friends) may already know some people going on this cruise. Maybe I'm a little naive, but would a woman really buy lingerie for some random dude she might bang on a cruise? I would think if she were buying it she might have someone in mind.
Owl Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 ----------------------- The wife, through working - has already had a preview of dressing sexy on the job, according to her husband.. (Do you have any idea how much trouble/discomfort push-up bras can be on a day to day basis ).. Now the cruise (down to the underwear).. to try herself? It is not the forum itself - I just have a diff perspective of the role of the husband and wife in the marriage - their committment, closeness, intimacy - in that this cruise w the girlfriends doesn't fit it, even without the sexy clothing and underwear. I'd bet that your view of marriage and mine are probably more similar than different.
califnan Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I would think that if she bought the lingerie, then she (or her friends) may already know some people going on this cruise. Maybe I'm a little naive, but would a woman really buy lingerie for some random dude she might bang on a cruise? I would think if she were buying it she might have someone in mind. --------------------- I thought so too ... otherwise, she sure is detail minded.
califnan Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I'd bet that your view of marriage and mine are probably more similar than different. ---------------- Probably ..
MizFit Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I would think that if she bought the lingerie, then she (or her friends) may already know some people going on this cruise. Maybe I'm a little naive, but would a woman really buy lingerie for some random dude she might bang on a cruise? I would think if she were buying it she might have someone in mind. Put it this way...if I was going out on the pull I wouldn't put on my Bridget Jones pants. Headed off to a cruise with friends...sun, alcohol, slinky clothes...of course I'd get new lingerie if I were planning on getting close to someone.
GroupFitness Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Dressing sexy is one thing. EVERY woman wants to look/feel beautiful. And married or not, EVERY woman enjoys compliments, be it from thier SO or strangers. Hell, men and women enjoy compliments, men are just not wired to go out of their way to seek it. So a married woman in her sixties or whatever is allowed to dress tastefully sexy if she has the body to get away with it. Where your wife raises eyebrows is with the lingerie purchase. Bathing suit, I understand because people see that. But Lingerie is so personal and so private, I have no idea who she plans on showing that off too. Except maybe her girlfriends. It may seem odd, but women show off for women sometimes too. For example, if I were sharing a hotel room with my girlfriends and we are all changing clothes in the same space, I wouldn't want to be seen in torn/faded underwear. I don't know if I'd go as far as to buy a new set, but I would pack something flattering. Then again though, that is underwear. You said she is buying lingerie. That leads me to believe that she plans on showing them off to SOMEONE...that someone is who you have to find out.
califnan Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 And for the women who have commented that they understand a woman wanting to look nice, and be admired - I understand where you are coming from as well. But for the OP, I think there is a lot to be said for reeling his wife in - or at least taking a stand toward further "girls" committments.. (Give her the test: make the next cruise a H & W twosome.) ..
MizFit Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Wow. Would all the posters here who are so eager to accuse the wife, say the same thing if it was a guy going off for a guys' weekend? In a word...yes. It's common practice here for bachelors to go off for a weekend for the stag do...my ex didn't go because he knew it made me incredibly uncomfortable. If he went off on a cycling foray with a group I was fine with it...it's often the destination of the trip that's the issue. Not always...I understand if you want to cheat you will cheat, but there are places where it's more likely than others.
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