weeble78 Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Hi everyone I have an issue which I've posted about kinda once before. BF of nearly 7 months - he was bringing up moving in for the last month, I called him on it. He says he wants to spend the summer living with his friends, whom he has been living with for a year, and then move in in Autumn. He didn't want me to mention this to his friends though, as this might change the dynamic of the house (I think he's worried about not being included in things if he's moving out). I wasn't happy with trying to keep it a secret and he eventually agreed to tell them (I felt I may have been a little pushy here). Ultimately, we've talked about moving in etc, and he's suggested he wants to get a small place so we can save for a year, go travelling and then think about babies. He's been asking me questions about my views on childcare and families etc. However, the reason we'd been talking so much is that I was about to sign another 6 month contract which we felt might be too long to wait. I've since secured another house which is on a month by month contract, so we're not under pressure to make a decision. When I told him about that I got the feeling he was relieved. Basically, friends have said to me that he has his priorities wrong as I said I'd be happy to move in together now. They said he's put his friends above me, and that maybe he's reluctant to move in. I keep thinking about it, and am wondering if although he is saying he has these plans etc, when it comes to Autumn might he back out of things and put things off again? What can I do? I am sure this is the guy I want to marry and have been sure of this for a while. He has been saying the same for a while also. Should I start looking at other options and maybe back off a little, or should I stick in there? I'm confused. Any opinions would be gladly received - I need some help figuring out the best thing to do! Thanks x
Author weeble78 Posted June 1, 2010 Author Posted June 1, 2010 Does anyone have any opinions, please??
123BeachFan Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Good rule of thumb to follow is to not move in together or get married until you've been together for a year. It gives both of you time to decide if you are really ideal mates, and then you can go from there. Trust me, a breakup is so much more difficult when one of you has to move out in the process. Or worse yet, move out and file divorce papers. Plus, he's feeling rushed and unsure about moving in right now. It's an important decision, let him make it in his own time.
Author weeble78 Posted June 2, 2010 Author Posted June 2, 2010 Hi Thanks for your response. My sensible head tells me that that's the right thing to do, wait a year. I guess I just got het up when having to think about possibly signing another contract for 6 months to a year and thought it was a possibility. The thing is, since then his behaviour has got a little erratic. On the one hand, he was away for a long weekend last weekend. He contacted me every day saying he missed me, telling me what he was up to and asking what I was up to. Then since he's been home he hasn't wanted to leave my side, saying he missed me and that he loves me much more than usual. Also he's started saying again how much he loves sleeping with me every night. Conversely, I put the first lot of pics of us up on Facebook over that weekend along with the rest of the pics off my phone. He was weird about it. I ignored it and the next day he then asked to see the pics. Also my friend is coming down to visit at the weekend and has asked us both to go for drinks, and when I mentioned it he changed the conversation where usually he'd invite himself along. I'm feeling a little weirded out but am trying not to say anything. Any translations/opinions? And am I the only person who starts freaking and over-analysing their behaviour when they meet someone they just know is going to be important?
ADF Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 People who practice deception tend to deceive everybody. They don't just deceive some people and tell other people the truth. The fact your BF was willing to mislead his potential roommates about his real plans speaks volumes about his willingness to lie to get what he wants. That said, 7 months is NOTHING. Not in the grand scheme of things. Wait a year and see what he says then.
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