ladyjane83 Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I have heard people say that there are 5 stages to a break up.... 1. Denial 2. Anger/resentment 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance ......What are peoples experiences of this? Did you find you had clear stages and what kinds of things/feelings did you do or experience during each phase?
HurtinginTexas Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I have been through this sooo many times with my ex who just dumped me that I dont think I even deny it anymore because its expected at some point. I am angry but vascillate more on crying and trying to figure out why. Why bargain? To get back more of the pain. Yes I love him and want him back but I want the person I used to love back not the liar, and mentally ill manipulator. I think I jump straight to depression. Its never easy to accept
Cantcope Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Is it normal to feel all of these things in one day? Shoot....I feel them all at once constantly. I feel like I'm on a see-saw with myself!
davisc123 Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 My breakup was drawn out and complicated because we got back together after a week only to have a break a few weeks later before eventually breaking up completely. The first time we broke up I went from being relieved to even quite ecstatic initially. I think this was because I had been under a lot of stress as she had been acting so differently towards me, and a weight came off my shoulders. But it was flash in the pan, as within 24 hours I was depressed. I started to feel quite good again a few days later, I suppose I had accepted it. So relieved-depressed-acceptance. When she reached out and we gave it another go I went through a rollercoaster of emotions that jumped between them all.
yume Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I have heard people say that there are 5 stages to a break up.... 1. Denial 2. Anger/resentment 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance ......What are peoples experiences of this? Did you find you had clear stages and what kinds of things/feelings did you do or experience during each phase? 1. Went through this for about a month, thinking I was fine and I was over it. Boy, was I wrong. 2. Haven't felt a lot of anger apart from him avoiding me / not talking to me. 3. I've completely skipped bargaining with him this time in order to avoid all the pain that comes with it (we broke up once before and the entire breakup was a bargaining session basically) - so far it's been mostly NC. 4. Sitting in depression right now. I've been depressed more than anything. I miss him like crazy, I want him in my life but it isn't happening and I won't do anything to try and make it happen. I don't want him back as a boyfriend, but I miss him as the best friend he became to me. I don't know if I'll ever get out of missing him. 5. Waiting for it. Also waiting for him to break his silence. Lots of waiting. I suppose I have a baseline for acceptance right now but it is blocked by my hope that maybe someday he'll approach me and we can be...okay again.
Ilovecake Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Those are the universal 5 stages of every type of healing, whether it’s grief or drug and alcohol recovery or breakup recovery. As far as my breakup I went through the stages but in no particular order and sometimes all at once. I know everyone who just came out of a breakup is looking for some concrete answers to how they feel but it’s different for everyone. I’m back at anger right now.
sandiego Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I've been separated from my ex for the most part of the past 8 months. I've been vacillating between 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance The bargaining part is very rare now, although when I'm feeling weak, I've let her know I've really missed her, and wish we could try again. This has not helped me. I've mainly experienced the easeful, liberating, relief of acceptance....but this can turn into sadness, and I go through the cycle again. Although each time it does get somewhat easier. I've had a hard time with NC (if I don't contact her, she usually contacts me)......I know for sure it's delayed my healing to some degree, although it is getting better. SD
Author ladyjane83 Posted June 1, 2010 Author Posted June 1, 2010 Those are the universal 5 stages of every type of healing, whether it’s grief or drug and alcohol recovery or breakup recovery. As far as my breakup I went through the stages but in no particular order and sometimes all at once. I know everyone who just came out of a breakup is looking for some concrete answers to how they feel but it’s different for everyone. I’m back at anger right now. Its not that im going through a break up and need answers...my significant break up was over a year and a half ago and im not phased by it at all anymore...although at the time I went through most of these phases. I am now fully in acceptance, and have been for the last 6 months. Although....meeting a new and amazing guy has obviously helped with this!
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