Sex after an Affair

[Lecturer]

I didn't realize your entire back-story.. I've now read some of your previous threads/posts.

 

You have given him a second chance. And then a third. Fourth, etc. How many chances will you give him? Whatever number you answer, that is the number of times he will abuse your efforts and hurt you.

 

You had moved out, but you went back to him. Don't make that mistake anymore. He can't handle NC with the OW? Teach him how NC is done. Be stronger than him DESPITE the turmoil you've gone through.

 

You're only 28. You don't have kids (thankfully!). I promise you, you will be happy again. This pain is hard, but you have a say in the duration... the longer you try to make it work, the longer you will be in pain.

[Spark1111]

thanks. i'm sitting here crying at work. i don't know what to do. he acts like he wants me to come back to house, i don't even really want to. but i can't just run from it. sometimes i still feel like somehow its all my fault. i don't know what to do, do i take it as a relapse or whatever and go back to awkardness, or do i just get my **** and go i don't know what to do.

 

As long as you feel this is your fault....he will allow you too feel that way.

 

Why?

 

Because it gives him permission to talk to his affair partner, to feel justified in "See? This must be lostit's fault because, even she thinks so."

 

As long as you feel responsible for his rediculous lack of character, he will be more than happy to cast you in the villain's role to further his own selfish actions.

 

Everytime my fWS had been in touch with his OW, I just knew it. He treated me very disparagingly, distantly, as if I were of no importance; angry almost.

 

I broke the cycle by encouraging him to be with his partner full-time.

 

I then stopped taking his calls and texts and got busy with my own life.

 

I also shared why we were not together with close friends and family.

 

I do not think I can read this thread anymore, Lostit. Your pain, coupled with your lack of self-respect, is something I cannot fix nor advise you on.

 

I can't give you the strength or self confidence you need to get good and angry and set some boundaries with his outrageous behaviors.

 

Sorry, truly, truly sorry for you.

[PhoenixRise]

so ever since he said slipping and way he has been acting, I just checked our cell service online and he texted her this morning. talked with her all day, even during our conversations.

 

 

i told him i had a feeling and checked phone thing and he said screw phone thing he didn't want me to act like his mom.he says he text her after the facebook convo. he said couldn't resist anymore and had tried really hard not to. i told him it had nothing to do with that and at least phone bill was honest. i told him it had to do with trust, us, respect for me, and him knowing that pushing me away and lying and doing this i told him just a couple days ago if i left that would be it and i said you knew all those things, knew no contact was best and knew it would hurt me and you said screw all that.. i'm texting her.

then he said i was a liar too bc i said i wasn't checking cell phone records, and i haven't but i had a gut feeling today so i did and i told him he better not dare turn this on me like i didn't something wrong bc he is one that texted her.

 

then he was like, i know you aren't a liar but you aren't perfect and it isn't like i banged her. i said i never once have claimed to be perfect and i said i dunno what all ya'll talked about all day and told him it broke my trust, pretty much gave her permission to txt him, hurt me and showed a little he regards my feelings, and i asked what good at all came from it?? and he said idk.

 

thanks. i'm sitting here crying at work. i don't know what to do. he acts like he wants me to come back to house, i don't even really want to. but i can't just run from it. sometimes i still feel like somehow its all my fault. i don't know what to do, do i take it as a relapse or whatever and go back to awkardness, or do i just get my **** and go i don't know what to do.

 

 

 

Lostit

 

Do NOT under any circumstances accept blame for following your instincts and discovering his continuing betrayal. Because continuing betrayal is what this is.

 

 

You do know what you should do. You just don't want to.

 

Cut him off.

 

The truth is, despite what he said, he has not truly chosen you. If what he had with her is such a strong pull with him that he could not go a week with no contact in his efforts to reconcile the marriage then he hasn't chosen you.

 

He is still choosing both.

 

For your own sanity and self respect. Cut him off. No more conversations about his confusion. Let him get a freaking therapist if he is soooo confused. No more talk of reconciliation. Reconciliation requires him to be willing to give up the OW. He Isn't willing. No more sex. If he can't appreciate the whole woman that you are, sex shouldn't even be an option. No nothing unless it has to do with the kids.

 

He is using your intense desire to reconcile the marriage as an excuse to be an a$$ and he knows there will be no consequences from you.

 

This is your life Lostit. Is this kind of treatment in a relationship ok with you?

 

Right now by your actions you are telling him that his egregious behavior is acceptable.

 

Right now by your actions you are telling him that you are ok with him treating you as if you were optional.

 

Right now, he knows he is hurting you. He doesn't care enough to stop the behavior. AND truly Lostit, it is YOUR job to stop people from hurting you. If you are willing to sit there and soak up the pain hoping that one day down the line, in the future, if you can suck it up long enough you will be happy in the relationship, then you are betting on a losing proposition. Because the relationship dynamic you are allowing right now won't suddenly transform into a happy, healthy relationship given enough time.

 

He is not going to change. Despite what he says, and all his professed confusion and pain, the situation right now works for him. You have to change if you want anything to change at all.

 

AND NO, I don't think you are pathetic.

I think you are incredibly hurt. I think you are afraid. I think you lack self esteem right now. But pathetic.....NEVER.

 

Hurt will fade (hard to believe, but true). Fear can be overcome. Self Esteem can be acquired. You have to start acting like (even if you don't feel it yet) a person who loves herself enough to say NO to Bu))$hit.

[stillafool]

Lost, loosing your first love is devastating to most people. They are our first taste of love and saying goodbye is very, very painful but we get through it. I remember my first love and I thought I would never get over it; but guess what, I did and went on to meet some of the most amazing men. You see him as the only person you can love because he is all you have ever known. I think in a way that is why he is so enamored with her is because he has only known you.

 

 

His behavior is cruel and he is acting like a child instead of a man. A man knows what he has to do and will do it. This guy has been swinging back and forth for 7 months and still will not make a choice. Guess what? He is never going to make a choice as long as he has you both. Why should he? He is a cakeeater. You can't control his actions, only yours. You have to take control of your life by both horns. You have to reach down deep and find the strength to pull yourself up and out of this very, very, negative situation. I don't know how long it will take for you to become angry enough at the way you are being treated to motivate you to regain control of your life - with or without him. As you see, taking him back with no consequences does not work.

 

I hope you will find the strength to just let him go to her and then really, really show him what it would be like to not have you in his life. To go strict NC with him and to heal your heart.

[Jilly Bean]

So, he's supposed to be reconciling with you, yet tortures you by telling you how great the sex was with the OW, how he loves her, and then admits to contacting her this week?

 

Oh, honey.

 

Do you have a support system close to you? Family, friends, that will support you getting rid of this loser? He's not only playing you, but he's cruel as hell. Phoey!

[PortuguesePrincess80]

The fact that you haven't even outted him on this affair after all these months is crazy! He has absolutely no repercussions to this affair at all! Why havent you exposed this to anyone???? Tell his family...your family...friends...people he looks up to!!! He's stuck in this so called "affair fog" because reality hasnt..and most likely will NEVER set in! You have shown him that you can basically sweep this under the rug as long as he tries to work on your relationship. The fact of the matter is...he's not even worried about you or your relationship with him. He's depressed over this other broad...calling her...probably still screwing her..and all you say to him is "oh hunny your hurting me"! Hurting me??? Seriously I would throw that phone at him and say get the f out..or leave! This guy has no respect for you at all..and he simply wants to test the waters. Might not even want this chick in all reality..but she may an easy excuse for him to get out. Sick and twisted mind he has.

 

You keep saying you were 14 when you met him and blah blah blah. Hunny..your not 14 anymore!!! I was 16 when I met my man..got pregnant at 18 and am 29 with an 11 year old and a house on top of it all. I don't dwell on the past! I am looking forward from here on...not backwards!

 

I am on the fence as to what to do still..but I can truly say my H has been making huge efforts and strides in working towards the future with me and his son. I would never be able to tolerate him contacting the OW...and I have total access to his blackberry now...with HIM KNOWING! The fact that he's hiding these texts and still not being an open book to you shows he still wants to sneak around. The fact that he actually got upset at you for finding he STILL talking with this bitch speaks volumes. I beg you..please please please don't settle! You have no kids with this guy..this should be such an easy decison!!!!

[PortuguesePrincess80]

Oops I posted that twice..my bad!

Edited June 3, 2010 by PortuguesePrincess80

[stillafool]

he said he wished i would have given him an ultimatum. he said its like he drug it along waiting for something to stop him. i was honest and told him i wanted to and knew i should have and that was part of me getting out on my own to get strong enough to be ready to let go if i wasn't what he chose.

 

 

Lost, remember this. I think he is still waiting. I understand you shouldn't have to give him an ultimatum because he said he was coming back and was going to leave her alone. He went back on his promise. He has to pay.

[stillafool]

Lostit

 

No nothing unless it has to do with the kids.

 

 

Phoenix, they don't have kids. The OW has 2 kids by 2 different guys but I don't think she was ever married. Lost is lucky she doesn't have kids yet with her husband.

[LostIt2010]

after fuming at work and telling him i didn't really want to come home, i finally did at about 6-7, i was upset and told him he promised NC and he broke it, violated my trust and got mad at me for it and i started packing my stuff, told him to go be with her if she was so perfect and that i didn't care bc i wanted to be happy. he told me he was sorry and told me to please stay, he begged me not to go, he wanted us. i told him he doesn't need to talk to her if he wants us, and i knew it was hard but i told him the hard i was going through too and the words and images that will haunt me forever so he doesn't get to use hard as an excuse. he said didn't know why he did it other than being curious about her and knew she had custody hearing that day, he said he was weak and doesn't know why he did it and told her he just wanted to tell her that and not to respond. she of course did and they talked thru text and she said basically just vented at him and he told her he was thinking about counseling or medication, she of course said bad idea and pled her case. he said he wished he wouldn't have texted her and doesn't even know why he did. he said that he is tired of feeling so limbo and he said that he feels if he let me leave and went to her it would be good first couple days, then he would pull back and be wanting me again. and he said i know its screwed up and not fair to anyone and i want to stop and i want to work on us, and i know the back and forth causing nothing but pain. i told him if he drove me out and pushed me away where i did leave again he would have papers the next day, i would move to city i almost got to before he asked me back this time, and i would never forgive him, and would be so hurt and angry i don't know if i would ever speak to him again. he said i had no reason to forgive him and he knew that this was last time, he said he felt i would be gone and done with him. and honestly i would for my own sanity. i would just do it all in heat of moment and be done with it.

 

i think we are both scared and unsure, but want to be together. we haven't had sex since sunday. i dunno if its good or bad. i'm sure he is missing sex all time :/ i'm still nervous about it and don't even know if i can clear my head enough to. sometimes i wonder if our sexual chemistry is not what it was, or maybe ever was bc we are were so young... idk

 

i fell asleep on couch after an emotional night and he carried me to bed and he did hug me and hold me, he gave me a hug and touches this morning, which was nice and felt genuine. we have talked today and been ok. i'm being more honest when i'm hurt and i really want whats best for us both.... its hard to go when he is asking me to stay, and believe it or not he is being different in a better way than the last time he asked me to come home. he did go to the dr. and they prescribed him anti-depressents. he talks about counseling (he had a bad experience with counseling as a child regarding his ADHD) and he just doesn't think it will do him any good, he said he knows he is making no sense and is messed up.

 

i'm trying to just be and do whats natural, but in back of my mind prepare for worst... its hard line to walk. i know most of you think i should of left by now and think i'm weak. maybe i am. but something inside me just won't give up, i know its my decision to do this to myself. for whatever reasons, right or wrong, i really want and hope we will work... i love him so much and i do believe he loves me i just hope for both our sakes something clicks bc as time goes on and it doesn't i know that i will have to decide how much more i can take.

 

looking back at finding out for first time... i think the first 3 or so months i was in such shock and disbelief, moving out, dealing with 6 classes that semester and work, i was outside myself. i didn't make one rational decision. i wasn't thinking clearly at all. i wish now i would have said screw you and moved out and cut him off for awhile, maybe this wouldn't have dragged on and i regret that. i just was hurt, weak, and in complete shock i think.

 

again venting here helps, and the advice. and i know i'm ridiculous and have put up with far more than i should have and you all would like to scream at me and call me a fool, maybe i am. i am definately a confused mess.

Edited June 3, 2010 by LostIt2010

[how2forgive&2forget]

I feel sorry for you Lost...

 

Don't think of him as your husband anymore. He's an ex. Try to view him that way.

 

My ex has been hurtful and said many graphic things about his sexlife with the OW.

 

In my case, it wasn't the lack of sex or my inability to please him. I was superior to the other woman in that department, and I have a high sex drive. He told me that all the OW did was put her legs up.

 

It doesn't matter anyway. Sex is just sex. It was his emotional attachment to her that ruined us.

 

Like you, I went back to him more than 10 times.

 

But I was sick of the rollercoaster. I was the one who had to leave him in the end.

 

 

Lost, you need to save yourself. Only you can do this. Love yourself above all, respect yourself, value yourself. If you don't he will continue to use you.

[White Flower]

There is one thing to be openly honest but there is also a fine line he is crossing by professing his love for another woman to his wife. I find that disrespectful. He shouldn't be telling you that, not when you are trying to put your marriage back together. He needs to stop divulging too much information. This is not about him, it's about what he has done to destroy your marriage. Those things he is telling you is very hurtful and it will only make the situation worse.

I don't see how his honesty is disrespectful. Sometimes the truth hurts. The OP can only make informed decisions if she has the raw truth. Though it hurts, this helps her know what future steps to take. If it were me, I'd want to know exactly what he was thinking. Anything less would be gaslighting wouldn't it?

[White Flower]

after fuming at work and telling him i didn't really want to come home, i finally did at about 6-7, i was upset and told him he promised NC and he broke it, violated my trust and got mad at me for it and i started packing my stuff, told him to go be with her if she was so perfect and that i didn't care bc i wanted to be happy. he told me he was sorry and told me to please stay, he begged me not to go, he wanted us. i told him he doesn't need to talk to her if he wants us, and i knew it was hard but i told him the hard i was going through too and the words and images that will haunt me forever so he doesn't get to use hard as an excuse. he said didn't know why he did it other than being curious about her and knew she had custody hearing that day, he said he was weak and doesn't know why he did it and told her he just wanted to tell her that and not to respond. she of course did and they talked thru text and she said basically just vented at him and he told her he was thinking about counseling or medication, she of course said bad idea and pled her case. he said he wished he wouldn't have texted her and doesn't even know why he did. he said that he is tired of feeling so limbo and he said that he feels if he let me leave and went to her it would be good first couple days, then he would pull back and be wanting me again. and he said i know its screwed up and not fair to anyone and i want to stop and i want to work on us, and i know the back and forth causing nothing but pain. i told him if he drove me out and pushed me away where i did leave again he would have papers the next day, i would move to city i almost got to before he asked me back this time, and i would never forgive him, and would be so hurt and angry i don't know if i would ever speak to him again. he said i had no reason to forgive him and he knew that this was last time, he said he felt i would be gone and done with him. and honestly i would for my own sanity. i would just do it all in heat of moment and be done with it.

 

i think we are both scared and unsure, but want to be together. we haven't had sex since sunday. i dunno if its good or bad. i'm sure he is missing sex all time :/ i'm still nervous about it and don't even know if i can clear my head enough to. sometimes i wonder if our sexual chemistry is not what it was, or maybe ever was bc we are were so young... idk

 

i fell asleep on couch after an emotional night and he carried me to bed and he did hug me and hold me, he gave me a hug and touches this morning, which was nice and felt genuine. we have talked today and been ok. i'm being more honest when i'm hurt and i really want whats best for us both.... its hard to go when he is asking me to stay, and believe it or not he is being different in a better way than the last time he asked me to come home. he did go to the dr. and they prescribed him anti-depressents. he talks about counseling (he had a bad experience with counseling as a child regarding his ADHD) and he just doesn't think it will do him any good, he said he knows he is making no sense and is messed up.

 

i'm trying to just be and do whats natural, but in back of my mind prepare for worst... its hard line to walk. i know most of you think i should of left by now and think i'm weak. maybe i am. but something inside me just won't give up, i know its my decision to do this to myself. for whatever reasons, right or wrong, i really want and hope we will work... i love him so much and i do believe he loves me i just hope for both our sakes something clicks bc as time goes on and it doesn't i know that i will have to decide how much more i can take.

 

looking back at finding out for first time... i think the first 3 or so months i was in such shock and disbelief, moving out, dealing with 6 classes that semester and work, i was outside myself. i didn't make one rational decision. i wasn't thinking clearly at all. i wish now i would have said screw you and moved out and cut him off for awhile, maybe this wouldn't have dragged on and i regret that. i just was hurt, weak, and in complete shock i think.

 

again venting here helps, and the advice. and i know i'm ridiculous and have put up with far more than i should have and you all would like to scream at me and call me a fool, maybe i am. i am definately a confused mess.

You are doing the best you can in the situation you're in. You can always listen to us but you don't have to do what anyone of us says. Just breathe and think it through. You're on nobody's time table.

[LostIt2010]

We have had some good days, and good times, even really good talks, and though sex is slow we have had some really good times there too. we went out with our friends even and had a good time. we still have moments but i guess that is normal.

 

he reactivated his facebook to post a couple of pictures of the concert we went to for his brother. i'm very iffy about this bc she is on facebook. i expressed my concerns, he said he understood but only did it to post the pics and would deactivate it soon. he hasn't yet, i have this feeling and i want to check it. (i can get into it without him knowing) i feel bad for this, like i'm betraying him.... but i can't help but wonder if he is talking to her through that.

 

if i look and he is, i dunno what i'd do.

[Disintegration]

I'm glad you've had some better days lately. I don't think there is anything wrong with checking up on him through his facebook. He has given you reason to doubt him when he texted her the other day. He betrayed your trust so now you have to verify his on-line activity. Do it for your own peace of mind. You can't believe everything he tells you just yet, so do what you have to do so you know for sure he isn't in contact with OW.

[LostIt2010]

what if he is. i'm so tired of doing this game, this back and forth. i told him all it does is open doors for her, put his feelings back toward her and not us, and completely devistate me. if he wants to be with me and do us, why talk to her?? he said its hard, well its freaking hard for me too

 

i just have this feeling he is. if i check and he is talking with her i don't know how to confront him about it bc i am looking at his private stuff behind his back (yes i'm aware he has done much worse) or if i should just leave work early and get what stuff i have at house and go (i again worry that will anger/hurt him just to leave, but he obviiously isn't too worried about hurting me).

 

i'm trying to mentally decide/prepare what to do if they are talking, my gut feeling says they are... and its been right 9 times out of 10.

[White Flower]

We have had some good days, and good times, even really good talks, and though sex is slow we have had some really good times there too. we went out with our friends even and had a good time. we still have moments but i guess that is normal.

 

he reactivated his facebook to post a couple of pictures of the concert we went to for his brother. i'm very iffy about this bc she is on facebook. i expressed my concerns, he said he understood but only did it to post the pics and would deactivate it soon. he hasn't yet, i have this feeling and i want to check it. (i can get into it without him knowing) i feel bad for this, like i'm betraying him.... but i can't help but wonder if he is talking to her through that.

 

if i look and he is, i dunno what i'd do.

You have every right to check up on him. Don't feel bad about that.

[CrayonAngel]

LOST IT, You and your H need to sit down and come up with some sort of plan if you are going to fix your M. He needs to be okay with you checking up on him whenever you feel its necessary. Him getting all defensive about it is a really bad sign. He knows you won't do anything if he does contact her so he will. Like I've said over and over...you will see the light soon.

[White Flower]

Can you please explain to me what the point of activating FB to post pictures, only to deactivate it later might be? This makes absolutely no sense to me. Once FB is deactivated, all the pics are deactivated too. Why doesn't he just un-friend and block her on FB? Probably because he doesn't want to maybe? He already got caught calling and texting her last week. Makes sense that FB would become the next method of contact. If that's the case, he's doing nothing toward reconcilling with you- he's simply getting quasi creative at having you both.

 

If he really wants to win your trust, he should be willing to give you his FB password. Or any other password you request, for that matter.

I agree. Even if he blocks her email addy she'll just create a new one and they'll go from there. Having his password should squelch that.

[LostIt2010]

They broke no contact, or shall i say he did.

 

they caught up, she wants to see him and asked him to come over to get his hat he left. he entertained the idea but their "lunch hours" did not match up. she sounded like a 16 year old whore saying she wouldnt take advantage of him unless he wanted her to, asking if he would come over tonight then with winky and smiley faces... makes me sick. he texted me telling me there are hard moments/days and that he didn't want her.. i didn't respond. he responded to her request to come over saying ya i would but no can do, no not until he is giong to be single man 100% sure, and that it wasn't easy. she said ok then take care and he said wow. ya ok you too.

 

i don't think he knows what he wants, maybe he just wants both. he had promised me he would tell me if they talked or she contacted him, he obviously hasn't. he would be pissed if he knew i looked at their messages i know. i've written a note and have considered leaving it, along with a print out of their convo and getting my stuff and leaving before he got home. if i leave i won't speak to him except to move on with divorce, i don't know if i'll ever forgive him for pulling me back to do this to me again or not. i've considered watching it and seeing what he actually does/says to her more. he has been short and not said i love you, but hasn't exactly sounded like she wasn't what he wanted either.

 

why can't i feel ok with just leaving and moving on? what is wrong with me?

 

its like a part of me wants to move on from all of this hurt and suffering, but a part of me wants the possiblity of getting through this with him and saving our relationship.

 

ugh.

Edited June 7, 2010 by LostIt2010

[AIC]

You guys got together way too young, you're growing up and changing as people and your relationship has reached it's use by date. It's pretty much as simple as that.

 

On the positive side this is an awesome junction you are approaching, an exciting new learning and developing future lies ahead for you. Just don't go looking for another husband soon after or you'll never learn anything and will deserve whatever you get.

[White Flower]

They broke no contact, or shall i say he did.

 

they caught up, she wants to see him and asked him to come over to get his hat he left. he entertained the idea but their "lunch hours" did not match up. she sounded like a 16 year old whore saying she wouldnt take advantage of him unless he wanted her to, asking if he would come over tonight then with winky and smiley faces... makes me sick. he texted me telling me there are hard moments/days and that he didn't want her.. i didn't respond. he responded to her request to come over saying ya i would but no can do, no not until he is giong to be single man 100% sure, and that it wasn't easy. she said ok then take care and he said wow. ya ok you too.

 

i don't think he knows what he wants, maybe he just wants both. he had promised me he would tell me if they talked or she contacted him, he obviously hasn't. he would be pissed if he knew i looked at their messages i know. i've written a note and have considered leaving it, along with a print out of their convo and getting my stuff and leaving before he got home. if i leave i won't speak to him except to move on with divorce, i don't know if i'll ever forgive him for pulling me back to do this to me again or not. i've considered watching it and seeing what he actually does/says to her more. he has been short and not said i love you, but hasn't exactly sounded like she wasn't what he wanted either.

 

why can't i feel ok with just leaving and moving on? what is wrong with me?

 

its like a part of me wants to move on from all of this hurt and suffering, but a part of me wants the possiblity of getting through this with him and saving our relationship.

 

ugh.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. He has made promises he can't keep. How many times will he have to do this to you before you see it?

 

I know it's hard for him to cut her loose, but if he's made a choice he needs to stick with it. Worse, he thinks you're too ignorant to be ahead of the game. You are one smart cookie.

 

You also have a big heart. I'm sure it is easier to trample on for that reason but it may also be the reason he stays with you. You need to decide what you want and what's good for you. It is a very hard decision I'm sure.

 

Hugs.

[LostIt2010]

so I'm trying to decide what steps to take.

 

They talked more on facebook and she switched her lunch so that they could meet so he can "get his hat" or have great excuse to see her. he said if she thought was bad idea to tell him bc he could see if they did get back together his feelings for me eventually coming up again and him pushing away from her. she of course said she didn't care, she lived for moment and wanted to see him. he said touches, kisses, and i love u's will just make for more confusion. and she was like what if i died tomorrow maybe seeing each other one last time will be some sort of closure.

 

they haven't texted or talked anymore this morning but i'm watching it. he basically was very short and distant with me last night and gave me no reassurance even though i told him i felt in my gut something was going on he blew it off. said we could talk later.

 

if they don't communicate through facebook/text i can just go 10 mins during my lunch and see if his truck is there to get a for sure.

 

if he does see her. i'm trying to figure out what to do.

 

-tell him i saw his truck there and let him explain hiself?

 

-write a note (which would probably be full of anger) along with facebook convo i print and pack my **** and leave, and not allowing myself to talk with him.

 

-just leave facebook convo printout pack my **** and go, not allowing myself to talk with him.

 

-or leave a not on his truck at her apt so when they both come out they will see it saying to tell the backstabbing whore she can have him, and leave him a note similiar to the above mentioned one.

 

if he says nothing happened, how am i supposed to believe that... from what was said at very least hugs and kissing will be going on. i will be so hurt and so furious he can flat out continue lying to my face after me being so blunt that if he saw her i would go, that if he saw her that he put that one time over our entire future.... i will be so upset i won't want to speak to him. i'll look for apts this weekend and probably get one, i'll have my boss do our decree this afternoon, and just go with all things i was scared of fulled by full blown anger. i shake when i read some of the stuff they said on that facebook convo. i'm so tired of being hurt and betrayed.

 

i'm pretty emotional right now and i'm not sure what the best option would be. i have straight up told him if he saw her or kept talking to her that was like a big screw me and screw our relationship and i wasn't doing it anymore.

 

just from experience, what would anyone advise.

Edited June 8, 2010 by LostIt2010

[stillafool]

Oh Lost, (((hugs))). He is going to continue doing this as long as the two of you will put up with it. He should have told her to mail his hat to him? He certainly shouldn't be talking to her about hugging, kissing, and saying I love you's. Is he even trying to stop? You should have made him tell her he isn't going to see her anymore and that he is back with you right in front of you. If you do weaken and take him back this time you must make him say those things to her in front of you before you take him back.