Kick in the guts

[westrock]

Obviously, this guy isn't the best at romance and the other posters may be right that he doesn't deserve you, but maybe the two of you just need better communication skills? You said he's done this before, but have you had a talk with him to express your concerns?

 

"hey my eye and throat are really sore gonna have to give it a miss. soz ".

 

Okay, so it's not Shakespeare's English, but I don't know if this is so bad as everyone is making it out to be. If my eye and throat were really sore, I would want to cancel too and I think most people would too. I assume "soz" means "sorry" ? You knew he's had a sore eye all week and it seems his condition worsened so it's not like this came out of nowhere. Is it possible that he was trying to make an "effort" and was going to go ahead to meet up but at the last minute decided he was just too sick?

 

"gonna have to give it a miss. soz" ??? Instead of, "I'm really sorry cos I was looking forward to spending time with you. I hope you didn't go to too much trouble already." ???

 

This is the problem with text messaging. Messages get truncated and meaning gets lost especially if he has one of those phones that does not have a full keyboard on it.

 

I was pretty irate so I just sent a message back saying "alright".

 

Texting back to him "alright" doesn't convey your feelings at all. Strangely, he may even wonder why you were not more understanding in your reply.

 

Def 'blew me off' as he hasn't been fb all night and if he was at home it's 99% sure that he would be.

 

How do you know this? If he blew you off then I agree that he doesn't deserve you. But, if I had a sore eye and throat that requires medication, the last thing I would be doing is staring at a computer screen on fb. Maybe he felt sick and went to bed or went out and bought that medication, or worse ended up in the emergency department. Did you follow up with him to find out what really happened?

 

I am not trying to justify his actions, but just wanted to point out that some of the disappointment and hurt feelings may be as a result of poor communications on both sides.

[harmfulsweetz]

Did you mean...."Any person with even just a shred of self respect should know that being someone who goes for one he/she knows isn't interested is the sure fire way to destroy any respect you had for yourself."

 

Yes it is bad to go for someone who is not interested. But does she have better option? And I know cases when a guy "gives in" eventually, probably thanks to lack of his options.

 

What makes you sick, honey? The real world dating? Where girls marry guys who are not so much in to them? And vice versa? Some just give up on the fairy tale.

 

If she gives up now, maybe she will have trouble finding someone so good. You don't know her options.

 

That's not real world dating. That's living a life whereby you settle for less than you deserve because you believe you have no other options, there's always other options. Even if that means growing old and gray with only cats for company, it's a better option than being with someone who just wasn't that into you. It's not a fairytale to want and need to be with someone who wants and needs to be with you, too. It's a sad world if people believe that they should just settle for any old scrap they can get because it's the only option they have. That makes me sick that you believe it happens and should happen like that.

 

I apologize but I seriously can't believe OP hasn't other options, I'm sure she has, I don't know this for certain, but I wouldn't settle for someone like that, neither should anyone else.

 

I find your view of the dating world warped, they've been seeing each other for 4 months, surely he should be considerate enough and respect her enough to not flake or to at least give her more notice when he has to? You're giving such poor advice, and I think, like Dragon1, the girls in your story dodged a bullet, I certainly wouldn't go to those lengths for a guy like you.

[harmfulsweetz]

I took it as I dodged the bullet at that time.

 

But who knows how it would evolve if we got together, thats my point.

 

I certainly wasn't using them, actually I was afraid of using/misleading them, so I don't understand the bitterness in your reply.

 

Because you wrote it like 'had she tried even harder than she already was while I sit there and make no effort whatsoever'. Think about it. You're into a girl, she's interested in you, but instead of reciprocating your interest, she leaves you to do all of the legwork, doesn't bother to even try and expects it like she's god's gift. Nah,those women dodged a bullet with you. Point is, dating is all about mutual interest and respect, one person should not be doing all of the running around, while the other flakes and sits on their a$$ doing nothing, and the person putting in all the effort is left questioning themselves again and again, trying to put in yet more effort for someone truly not worth it.

[DanielMadr]

That's not real world dating. That's living a life whereby you settle for less than you deserve because you believe you have no other options, there's always other options. Even if that means growing old and gray with only cats for company, it's a better option than being with someone who just wasn't that into you. It's not a fairytale to want and need to be with someone who wants and needs to be with you, too. It's a sad world if people believe that they should just settle for any old scrap they can get because it's the only option they have. That makes me sick that you believe it happens and should happen like that.

But lots a people went that way and are happier with kids than with cats.

 

 

I apologize but I seriously can't believe OP hasn't other options, I'm sure she has, I don't know this for certain, but I wouldn't settle for someone like that, neither should anyone else.

No need to apologize. I just don't see anything drastic in what he did. Not like she waited on cold and he did not come because he forget.

 

I find your view of the dating world warped, they've been seeing each other for 4 months, surely he should be considerate enough and respect her enough to not flake or to at least give her more notice when he has to?

Maybe he was not sure to the last moment if he would be OK. Who knows.

 

You're giving such poor advice

Yes your advice was more safe and much better but there are other paths and explanations too.

 

, and I think, like Dragon1, the girls in your story dodged a bullet, I certainly wouldn't go to those lengths for a guy like you.

 

Wow. How I deserved that? Rude.

[DanielMadr]

Because you wrote it like 'had she tried even harder than she already was while I sit there and make no effort whatsoever'. Think about it. You're into a girl, she's interested in you, but instead of reciprocating your interest, she leaves you to do all of the legwork, doesn't bother to even try and expects it like she's god's gift. Nah,those women dodged a bullet with you. Point is, dating is all about mutual interest and respect, one person should not be doing all of the running around, while the other flakes and sits on their a$$ doing nothing, and the person putting in all the effort is left questioning themselves again and again, trying to put in yet more effort for someone truly not worth it.

 

I'm in no way obligated to reciprocate anyone's interest in me!

If someone asks me out I don't have to go or even ask them out back.

If I'm not that interested, I'm not. We were on couple of dates, I got some red flags and didn't want to pursue.

If I don't make them believe (fake) that I do have interest, I have done nothing wrong. I didn't tell them to "get lost" either which would be rude anyway. I just kept declining their offers. I did not flake.

 

And how could I know she is mad in love with me?

However if she appeared naked at my door, that would mean something. And I would probably give in. Remember I thought she wants long term and knowing that and doing the chase = agreeing to it.

 

I haven't even try to chase not because I feel like god's gift, I did no chasing because I wasn't interested enough to do the chase.

 

Where is the problem? Do I have to pursue every girl who pursues me?

I know they feel disappointed. But hey, what can I do? Sleep with them and than crawl out?

 

why am I defending myself here, anyway?:rolleyes: