raspy Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 So yesterday the guy i'm seeing (for about 4 months) and i didn't really do much. I asked him to come around to my new apartment and he said it's too far etc even though I was willing to drive him there and back. He said he would stay over the next night (tonight) cause he didn't have work tomorrow. So I was cool with this and left early from his place as I was feeling a bit unwell. Anyways, tonight I planned on cooking him a really nice meal, spent a bit of the day buying food etc. Was really looking forward to a good night/day. Was suppose to meet him at 5ish in the city and i get a text from him saiyng "hey my eye and throat are really sore gonna have to give it a miss. soz :(". Pretty much heart sunk. He's had a sore eye for a week (but is too lazy to buy medication). I'm pretty pissed off. I put in so much effort to going to see him, buying him stuff and trying to make him happy but I just keep getting let down. This is not the first time he's bailed on me at the last minute. I was pretty irate so I just sent a message back saying "alright". The thing that annoys me most is that he'll probably end up hanging with somebody else or something. And he didn't even say "ill make it up to you". If I "sick" I would still make the effort. Sorry, I needed to vent somewhere. But yeah I'm just sick of being disappointed. Thoughts
ToShyToTellMyNick Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Oh I'm sorry about you, I mean you took time to cook him a nice meal and everything, he's an as$h0l3 =/. Time to move on maybe? I don't know what to tell you I have no experience on this. Maybe I shouldn't even post... But oh well.... I'm bored.
BlkAzian Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 He may not be worth it.. save all the effort for a man who appreciates you and shows an interest in you. Dont pressure him .. BUT if you think he is interested in you Give him a dose of Wonder Bread ,,,,dont call him dont text him make his a** wonder let him chase you.. Lay off trying to make him happy.. Patience is a virtue...
Author raspy Posted June 1, 2010 Author Posted June 1, 2010 Def 'blew me off' as he hasn't been fb all night and if he was at home it's 99% sure that he would be.
Ronni_W Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I asked him to come around to my new apartment and he said it's too far etc even though I was willing to drive him there and back. Was suppose to meet him at 5ish in the city and i get a text from him saiyng "hey my eye and throat are really sore gonna have to give it a miss. soz :(". "gonna have to give it a miss. soz" ??? Instead of, "I'm really sorry cos I was looking forward to spending time with you. I hope you didn't go to too much trouble already." ??? raspy, I'm sorry but this guy is coming off like he's totally inconsiderate and/or totally under-responsible. (Given that he can't even go buy himself some eye medication, I'm kinda thinking he's both.) I would suggest that it's not that you can't make people happy...it's that HE is unappreciative and a 'taker'. A sense of entitlement. Add these to inconsiderate and under-responsible...and what you end up with is "selfish". If you stick with this jerk guy, you can count on having many more experiences of being disappointed by him, and/or feeling unappreciated for your efforts. It's NOT you, it's him. YOU are already more than good enough, you don't have to try any harder. HE doesn't have it in him to appreciate you. He does have the ability to erode your self-esteem, self-respect and self-confidence. I'd be very cautious with my heart. I am sorry that you're being let down. You deserve better. You're doing your best and you deserve some recognition, respect and gratitude for that -- just don't expect it from the likes of him, cos he ain't got a clue as to how to give that to you (maybe not others, either?) Big hugs.
DanielMadr Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Hmmm, Go to his place with hot chicken soup, warm feelings, kind words and some massage oil. Don't forget the lingerie and give him awesome BJ too. That is the way to seduce a man. Even if he is not that in to you will score some points. And if you decide to play "hard to get" game with him later...he will have things to miss (BJ, hot soup, lingerie....). If he is not worth the effort why even bother posting here? Just forget him.
harmfulsweetz Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 He's not worth it. If he can't even try to rearrange something, then could he really be all that bothered? Do you want to go through life planning dates, buying food, maybe an outfit even, always wondering if he will pull out at the last minute? If he was indeed sick, he would have known well before the time he canceled on you, and so should have told you as soon as he felt ill rather than allowing you to carry on with your plans. A guy who is into you, will be considerate towards you and if they need to cancel, they rearrange promptly, and also give you enough notice. A guy who isn't all that bothered by you, does exactly what this guy has done. I wouldn't give him a second chance.
MrNate Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 He's not worth it. If he can't even try to rearrange something, then could he really be all that bothered? Do you want to go through life planning dates, buying food, maybe an outfit even, always wondering if he will pull out at the last minute? If he was indeed sick, he would have known well before the time he canceled on you, and so should have told you as soon as he felt ill rather than allowing you to carry on with your plans. A guy who is into you, will be considerate towards you and if they need to cancel, they rearrange promptly, and also give you enough notice. A guy who isn't all that bothered by you, does exactly what this guy has done. I wouldn't give him a second chance. Harmful speaks great words as always.
kiss_andmakeup Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 He doesn't sound like he is really even that interested in you. The relationship just might be a matter of convenience to him. We teach people how to treat us. If he has bailed on you last minute in the past, and you've put up with it, you're as much at fault as he is for letting him slide. Time to move on. I never understand why women put up with stuff like this...and at only 4 months in, it's not like you have a huge emotional investment in the relationship.
Dragon1 Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 (edited) There are tons of single guys who want a girlfriend like you. Find one of them. The guy you are dating is not one of them. Edited June 1, 2010 by Dragon1
DanielMadr Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 There are tons of single guys who want a girlfriend like you. Find one of them. The guy you are dating is not one of them. You are giving up too early. Maybe he thinks he can have a better one. Make him think otherwise. Be very randy and he will stick around....then he realizes he can't get any better and you have a good specimen. And can you imagine the sex with him? When he does not like to that much...he can get pretty rough with you
harmfulsweetz Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 You are giving up too early. Maybe he thinks he can have a better one. Make him think otherwise. Be very randy and he will stick around....then he realizes he can't get any better and you have a good specimen. And can you imagine the sex with him? When he does not like to that much...he can get pretty rough with you MrNate, thank you Raspy, please do not follow above advice from Daniel Madr, you shouldn't have to entice someone with sex and randiness for them to stick around and be good to you. If you put up with crap like this, what you will get is, crap like this.
DanielMadr Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 (edited) MrNate, thank you Raspy, please do not follow above advice from Daniel Madr, you shouldn't have to entice someone with sex and randiness for them to stick around and be good to you. If you put up with crap like this, what you will get is, crap like this. Ehm, yeah show him how to play chess instead. Or how you can clean the kitchen floor in record time. Or how busy/independent you are that you don't need him. You wanna catch him? Your sexuality will do that. You wanna keep him? Your sexuality and warm personality will do that. Edited June 1, 2010 by DanielMadr
harmfulsweetz Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Ehm, yeah show him how to play chess instead. Or how you can clean the kitchen floor in record time. Or how busy/independent you are that you don't need him. You wanna catch him? Your sexuality will do that. You wanna keep him? Your sexuality and warm personality will do that. May I ask why anyone on earth would want to keep a flake like him?
Dragon1 Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 You are giving up too early. Maybe he thinks he can have a better one. Make him think otherwise. Be very randy and he will stick around....then he realizes he can't get any better and you have a good specimen. And can you imagine the sex with him? When he does not like to that much...he can get pretty rough with you What the hell? Poor advice.
DanielMadr Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 May I ask why anyone on earth would want to keep a flake like him? I thought she is interested. And if his flaking/lack of interest is the only obstacle I guess trying harder can be an option. However if she has other better options, she should move on. My personal experience....girl I wasn't entirely sure I wanted...mixed signals, some red flags, not 100% my type more like 70%, postponed sex, probably for sake of LTR with me....well I cut my loses and moved on. She kept pursuing me...I holded my ground....not flaking but saying "Yeah we should meet" and shyt like that. But if she would rang at my door in lingerie I would give it a try and probably would be with her till today....she would take the burden of responsibility for us of me.
harmfulsweetz Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I thought she is interested. And if his flaking/lack of interest is the only obstacle I guess trying harder can be an option. However if she has other better options, she should move on. My personal experience....girl I wasn't entirely sure I wanted...mixed signals, some red flags, not 100% my type more like 70%, postponed sex, probably for sake of LTR with me....well I cut my loses and moved on. She kept pursuing me...I holded my ground....not flaking but saying "Yeah we should meet" and shyt like that. But if she would rang at my door in lingerie I would give it a try and probably would be with her till today....she would take the burden of responsibility for us of me. :sick: The only obstacle is his lack of interest? Pretty much obliterates any hope of a relationship then. Any person with even just a shred of self respect should know that being someone who isn't interested is the sure fire way to destroy any respect you had for yourself. You sound a real treat
superchick Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 If you start giving more than you get you'll become resentful. I've been there, a doormat, trying to please a guy only to have him leave me for someone else. Guess what? No more. I'm learning to only give back what I get... and I have to get it first before I start to give. Good luck to you.
DanielMadr Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 :sick: The only obstacle is his lack of interest? Pretty much obliterates any hope of a relationship then. Any person with even just a shred of self respect should know that being someone who isn't interested is the sure fire way to destroy any respect you had for yourself. You sound a real treat Did you mean...."Any person with even just a shred of self respect should know that being someone who goes for one he/she knows isn't interested is the sure fire way to destroy any respect you had for yourself." Yes it is bad to go for someone who is not interested. But does she have better option? And I know cases when a guy "gives in" eventually, probably thanks to lack of his options. What makes you sick, honey? The real world dating? Where girls marry guys who are not so much in to them? And vice versa? Some just give up on the fairy tale. If she gives up now, maybe she will have trouble finding someone so good. You don't know her options.
DanielMadr Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 OP, to sum it up. People do flake and it is thanks to low interest. Does it pay to pursue still? It depends on their interest. Is it very low, low or average...? Basically you don't want to pressure them for decision....it is instant Rejection (in case they don't want to play games with you) I had like 30 women to pursue me. In most of them I had zero interest. In like three or four I had average or above Interest and I didn't give in just because I had other thinks to do (I don't mean other girls). One I remember fv@cked me off after I told her I was ill....and I was. She thought I flaked . One kept inviting me on a party like every weekend the whole month. If she continued on the second month I would go to the party. But she found other guy...I can't blame her ...she later became 4th pr even 3rd in Miss of State so she had no problem finding one too, he he. And the last one, well, she would have to come to my bedroom naked to have a chance:-) She worked with me and I did not want any drama there. No Happy ending but the potential was there. In any of these cases if I weren't occupied I would pursue myself. Under condition I wasn't forced. You know girl pursuing a guy is somewhat cool because you don't have to worry if you stringing her along. You can promise deep commitment early on only to girls you have HIGH interest. Point is you can make his interest to grow by showing yours and leaving the door open. You don't have to take offence at first flake. I mean he had legitimate excuse not like toying with you for his sadistic pleasure. Take it easy.
DanielMadr Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 If you start giving more than you get you'll become resentful. I've been there, a doormat, trying to please a guy only to have him leave me for someone else. Guess what? No more. I'm learning to only give back what I get... and I have to get it first before I start to give. Good luck to you. You are resentful now
Dragon1 Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 OP, to sum it up. People do flake and it is thanks to low interest. Does it pay to pursue still? It depends on their interest. Is it very low, low or average...? Basically you don't want to pressure them for decision....it is instant Rejection (in case they don't want to play games with you) I had like 30 women to pursue me. In most of them I had zero interest. In like three or four I had average or above Interest and I didn't give in just because I had other thinks to do (I don't mean other girls). One I remember fv@cked me off after I told her I was ill....and I was. She thought I flaked . One kept inviting me on a party like every weekend the whole month. If she continued on the second month I would go to the party. But she found other guy...I can't blame her ...she later became 4th pr even 3rd in Miss of State so she had no problem finding one too, he he. And the last one, well, she would have to come to my bedroom naked to have a chance:-) She worked with me and I did not want any drama there. No Happy ending but the potential was there. In any of these cases if I weren't occupied I would pursue myself. Under condition I wasn't forced. You know girl pursuing a guy is somewhat cool because you don't have to worry if you stringing her along. You can promise deep commitment early on only to girls you have HIGH interest. Point is you can make his interest to grow by showing yours and leaving the door open. You don't have to take offence at first flake. I mean he had legitimate excuse not like toying with you for his sadistic pleasure. Take it easy. Those women dodged a bullet.
jackson30 Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 What are you making for dinner, I haven't eaten yet.
Author raspy Posted June 2, 2010 Author Posted June 2, 2010 Thanks for the advice guys. You're right - the whole "soz" apology was lame. He can contact me when he wants to talk as I won't be doing the chasing.
DanielMadr Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Those women dodged a bullet. I took it as I dodged the bullet at that time. But who knows how it would evolve if we got together, thats my point. I certainly wasn't using them, actually I was afraid of using/misleading them, so I don't understand the bitterness in your reply.
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