Arabella Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Three days ago, I told him I was done waiting and that I didn't want to try to work things out anymore. Now it's finally setting in and I wonder if I made a mistake. We used to be long-distance. Now we're in the same area, and we could be together. I moved in a few days ago, and he seemed excited about seeing me. We had been talking about it for six months. We made arrangements three times. First I canceled (I had just driven six hours and was exhausted), the next two, he canceled. He wanted to reschedule again and I told him not to bother. During the time we were together and knew each other, he treated me dismissively ALWAYS. He would rarely keep his "dates" with me and communication was always on his terms. He said it would be different when we were in the same area. Then it seemed like nothing had changed and I freaked out. Six months talking about "working things out" with nothing happening was enough for me. Did I just freak out too soon and not give him a chance to prove it would be different? Did he really intend to work things out? I thought I was sure, now I don't know... I feel like if I had just waited a little longer... Arabella
This Hurts Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 (edited) I know where your reaction came from, so it makes sense. It wasn't your fault. He WAS showing that it was just the same case as before, so don't blame yourself for thinking that, since he implied it. You'd think now that you're ACTUALLY in the same area, that he'd be thrilled to try again, but he's not showing the interest you hoped for. Again, it's not your fault. I would say to let it be, and if he comes back, give it another chance. If it doesn't work then, just let it go for good. *Edit It takes a lot of courage to do what you did. You might be hurting now, but a lot of people on here will look up to you for it. Most of us wouldn't be able to do what you did. Just thought I should add that. Edited June 1, 2010 by This Hurts
sugarmomma Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 yea his interest level was very low. i would have done the same thing.
mickleb Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 During the time we were together and knew each other, he treated me dismissively ALWAYS. He would rarely keep his "dates" with me and communication was always on his terms. He said it would be different when we were in the same area. Long distance is not an excuse for this behaviour. Look for someone who will treat you with much more respect. But before you do that, try to figure out why you put up with so much of this crap (then never do it again.) Take care. x
Author Arabella Posted June 1, 2010 Author Posted June 1, 2010 Thanks for the responses guys. I guess I keep telling myself that I did the right thing but I had a hard time actually believing it. After waiting for so long for us to live in the same area again, it felt wrong to just... give up. I miss him though. In a moment of weakness, I texted him this morning telling him that, and he responded saying that he knew it'd been crazy but that he missed me too. As for why I put up with it for this long... I'm not sure. I was blind, and in love, and I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He had so many issues (mental illness, drug addictions, etc) and I knew he had a hard time coping with life so I let him put me at the bottom of the priority list. In retrospect, that clearly was not the right choice for ME. I don't know. Maybe we'll meet down the line, maybe we won't, but I finally recognize that all he's ever given me is crumbs, and that I deserve better. That's something... Arabella
Heatemyheart89 Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Hey I think you did the right thing you know.if he mucked you about before who's to say he wouldn't again?don't beat yourself up
Author Arabella Posted June 3, 2010 Author Posted June 3, 2010 Yeah listen to his latest BS... We texted back and forth a bit today while I was at the mall waiting for a friend (just a friend), and when he asked what I was doing and I told him, he says to me: "Oh so you already have a new boyfriend? that kinda bites since I'm here and all". Seriously? What the hell. I'm trying to meet people in an area where I know nobody and after he's been blowing me off since I moved here, he says that. What right does he have? Sigh! Just venting...
veryconfuzed Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Arabella, Your post stood out to me because it's kind of similar to the way I'm being treated by a man right now. We have spent a lot of time alone together at work getting to know each other, and we have enjoyed our time together. He has asked me out, twice, and canceled at the last minute, twice. Then, the apologies, he doesn't want me to be mad at him, and says he still wants to see me. He seems to want to keep me around (probably because I make him feel good about himself), but he is keeping me at arms length and his heart just isn't into it. The sad truth for me is that I know he is NEVER going to be able to live up to my expectations and make me happy. You did a very courageous thing by walking away. These men will keep coming back again and again, especially when you reject them. They will be sweet and apologetic, because they want to keep you in their life. Most likely, you help to feed his ego, and you make him feel good. But, if his heart isn't into it you'll just fall back into the same old miserable pattern over and over again. It bothers me that he he sent you that text displeased that you were with another guy. That seems like a red flag that not only is he not going to commit to you, but at the same time he doesn't want others to spend time with you. That's not good for you at all. I understand, though, how easy it is to fall back in with men like this. The attention they give us makes us feel good, too, and feeds our egos. It feels good to be pursued by a man. But, in the end it's just not worth it (and erodes your self-esteem) to be involved with someone who just isn't interested enough (I have had a very hard time, myself, facing this truth). Know this is HIS problem/issue and NOT your fault. There really are plenty of other men out there who will keep dates with you and give you the attention you deserve. Hang in there, and stay strong!
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