Name calling

[Susmay]

I am not quite sure how to get a rational discussion going without it degenerating; but it's the topic of "name-calling".

 

There's been a discussion that ensued after an OW called her specific BW a slut.

 

There's another OW who is utterly scathing about her now husband's former BW, but she usually stops short of actually calling her rude names.

 

Another OW called the OW of her fH a "thing". That woman was a BW at the time but is now an OW.

 

On the SI forums I read all the time the most dreadful names directed at OW and that seems entirely acceptable. I read there but have never joined or posted on SI.

 

I have also been reading LS for well over a year so am quite familiar with the posters even though I post only in fits and starts myself.

 

There's a regular OW on this list who objects to other posters calling her own and other MM names such as liar, manipulator, abuser (of his BW) but is not uncomfortable with the term "slut" being applied to a woman (BW) who is not part of this forum.

 

It was also suggested that the Loveshack TOS say that abusive name-calling was banned. However I'm unclear as to whether it's simply inappropriate to call other posters names (I agree this should not happen) or whether it's also inappropriate not to assign rude names to people who don't post on this list (most notably BWs and MM, and OW over on Infidelity).

 

My personal view is that I don't like to see anyone called a name and I am skeptical when certain posters direct name-calling at people they can have no detailed knowledge of (such as when an OW relays tales of the BW where most of the so-called "facts" can only have come from the MM who remains/remained married).

[marilyn80]

I am skeptical when certain posters direct name-calling at people they can have no detailed knowledge of (such as when an OW relays tales of the BW where most of the so-called "facts" can only have come from the MM who remains/remained married).

 

 

Well I know you're not talking about me because I have already apologized for my words and I only post facts. No so-called about it

[Fallen Angel]

I will address this as I was the one who used the term "thing" in referring to the woman my now exH is involved with. It was in a thread that has been recently posted on which I am sure is how you saw it.

 

I called her that because I really do not know how to describe her position. (And I am a bit angry at how SHE betrayed me, it has nothing to do with her relationship with my ex!)

 

She is the wife of my exHusband's brother. She was one of my best friends. I confided in her the most intimate details of my life. She is one of the few people I confided in about the extent of the abuse I was suffering at my husband's hands. I also confided in her about the fact that I was falling in love with my sweetheart. While I confessed my feelings to my then husband, he was not privy to the details of my relationship with my sweetheart; except, I later found out, through the betrayal of this woman who was supposed to be my closest female friend.

 

I find it difficult to give her a classic "role" to play in this situation without describing and going into detail in any post in which I discuss her and am often at a loss as to how to "label" her role. I called her a thing, it was wrong. And I haven't done it since.

 

As to me being a BW then and an OW now, I was very much an OW when I wrote the post. And while I have found out since leaving my marriage that she was involved with my then husband, the truth is I could care less. She was one of many. In fact I wish that she could make him fall in love with her so that he will quit telling people that he wants me to "come home" and that I will "always be his wife" despite our divorce and my obviously moving on with my life.

 

I do not find it appropriate to call anyone something so demeaning as slut. I do not care who or why, and I will defend against that kind of disparaging remark regardless of who makes it, and who is the target of it.

[jthorne]

We're all adults.

This is an public Internet forum.

There are Community Guidelines.

The topic typically discussed is a controversial and emotional one.

We're all human.

No one is perfect.

We're all here to give and receive support.

[Fallen Angel]

Well I know you're not talking about me because I have already apologized for my words and I only post facts. No so-called about it

 

This is the kind of attitude that got the other thread so heated and got it locked.

 

Perhaps you could take what people are saying and rather than get defensive, try to see how the things you say are being interpreted by other people as rude and inappropriate.

 

As to posting only facts, you first said you had only ever been with 2 men, your husband and your MM. Then in your second post that number doubled to four. I think perhaps you are skewing the facts a bit to fit what you need us to believe. But that is just my opinion.

 

 

Quoted from your first thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2818928&postcount=6

 

I say that because MM's W has a new man about every 3 weeks. If that's not a sl*t I'm not sure what is. I like the view from my glass house. I have only been with my xH and my MM. TYVM

 

 

 

And from your second thread...

 

First I would like to say I was not being sarcastic in my apology in the other thread that was closed. I was not calling every OW a slut, just the W of my MM. I realize now how wrong I was to do that. I've slept with 4 men in my life and I guess that does make me a slut considering one of them is married to another woman. Is that what I'm understanding here? I was actually defending most OWs but my words got severly misunderstood and twisted. I guess what I should have said was this: My MM is married to woman who has many other men. She is not here to defend herself, but how many people are here to defends themselves on LS? Everyone you talk about that's not a member here is someone who can't defend themself so why believe anyone? Just sayin...

 

Just sayin...

[Susmay]

I have asked for this thread to be locked too, as I can see it is going downhill already.

[bittersweet memories]

I have asked for this thread to be locked too, as I can see it is going downhill already.

 

What did you expect from starting this thread? Don't understand why you want it shut down now. I actually do not see anything wrong so far from what's been said. There has been no name calling so far...

[jthorne]

What did you expect from starting this thread? Don't understand why you want it shut down now. I actually do not see anything wrong so far from what's been said. There has been no name calling so far...

I was wondering that too, Susmay.

With all due respect, your post did call some people out, putting them on the defensive...

I'm not attacking, I'm just unclear about what the expectations were.

[Fallen Angel]

I am sorry if you find me posting FACTS to be taking your thread downhill, but as I was referenced in the OP I felt I had a right to respond. I will move on.