HurtinginTexas Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Sad I have to back to work tomorrow. Still in NC How do you get through this, this is so hard? I sit there thinking its partially my fault he left. I am fully accountable for my actions and excessive nagging and questions during the last few months. My behavior and efforts all changed based on his changing and seeing that promises had no follow through. I used to be so attentive and loving and after all the flip flopping I grew to intensely distrust him and doubt him nd he knew it. I gave it my all. I did. I guess he wasn't all he cracked up to be to leave me again. I feel partially responsible for his marriage ending and feel maybe its just best if he goes back if thats what he wants. He lost seeing his grand kids because her side of the family hates him, he lost friends because she smeared his name at the time, he lost respect. With me I have only my mom, no family to offer, offered to make new couple friends. I said I be there for him to see his grandkids. I guess there was no real love there. I just cannot accept it that 3.5 years was a lie and meant nothing. Pretty brutal to have it all planned out to leave and no warning or goodbye. I had hoped it would be so different. I guess the pull of 25 years with the exW means more thana naggy ole girlfrind that used to be so fun and cool and now turned into a suspicious nag. Im not sure if its menatl illness on his part as you all have posted on my post, or a mean manipulative liar but it hurts nonetheless. I wanted to get counseling. He didnt. Now he does for her. I went back to the apt today to get the last of my things so he doesnt have a reason to send me a box with my stuff in it, or conatct me about getting my stuff. I ned to be left alone. Im humiliated and hurt. Guess I shoudl have left long ago with my pride in tact, dignity and self respect. I lost it all remaning with him, begging for scraps and crumbs, begging to be made part of a family I dont think he was ever sinecer making me a part of. I dont know. I do obsess. I do care. Maybe not as deeply in love as I had thought due to all the lies, and hurt. But its hard thinking of all we have done. SO MUCH in a short time. I feel bad he doesnt feel rotten for what hes done, and bruatally damaged a heart that was only kind and loving. To hop back to something he thinks will fix his lonliness and pain. People think he will be in conatct at some point. I dont see why he would if there was nothing left to us anymore
Fallen Angel Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Please seek professional counseling and possibly speak with your doctor about clinical depression and anxiety. I am concerned for you.
jthorne Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Texas, (the greatest state on the planet!) I know it hurts right now. You invested a lot of yourself into the relationship, and got little in return. He's shown you who he really is. He's shown you that if you would have stayed with him, you could expect a lifetime of the same pain. It's up to you to stand up for yourself and turn him away when he comes around again.
BB07 Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Ahhhhh HInTexas........your words HURT me. I'm sorry that you are in this predicament, but you've got to stop thinking you run him off with your nagging and your questions. His actions and non actions caused you to get a little nuts and it's perfectly understandable, so STOP beating yourself up. From everything you've told us......this man is a real asshat and you seem like such a sweet person, you do deserve better than a lying sniveling coward. Please see him for what he really is, not what you thought he was or what you wanted him to be for you. Take others suggestions and get yourself into some IC so you can get stronger and be in the position to tell him to take a flying leap off of a short pier when he comes back. Remember.........you didn't cause him to run and you deserve better. Big Hugs.........
califnan Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I think he will probably contact you at another time. Also I know you gave it your all, and believe it or not, he has to feel pretty guilty in knowing what he has done.. And he does know. At this time, don't expect too much of yourself .. Hopefully it is a four day week for you this next week.. Just keep that in mind, and with the light at the end of the tunnel - so you may have a few more days off to try to heal.. Later you will come to know that there is nothing good to be said for an individual or relationship that uses you - no matter how you think he showed his love while with you. You will be able to go on with your life, and very successfully .. God has good things for you!
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