I broke up for her addiction with flirting, cheating and lying

[TornedInside]

I recently broke up with my girlfriend who I had been dating 10 months, because of something I read in her e-mail. We met online and had a long distance relationship, with the exception of the last 2 months ago, when I moved to the same city she does.

 

Through this time, we had some issues, because she had posted in the past suspicious messages to married men on Facebook and Messenger. Also, because I snooped on her e-mail and found out she was still contacting ex-boyfriends including a married man. Finally, I learned she cheated on many of them.

 

She got upset with me for snooping, but agreed she had a problem, and started therapy. It was working fine until one afternoon she called me and said she needed to check some information of her e-mail, but she had no access to a computer because she was downtown. She gave me the password to her account and gave me permission to look for the information. I gave it to her, but I also read other e-mails. I admit it was wrong, but it allowed me to find out something that was happening behind my back.

 

I found an e-mail from a guy who gave her compliments: sexy, pretty, beautiful. Instead of ignoring him or telling him to stop, she repplied him asking why he had not answered her messages in Yahoo chat, not even to thank her for the chocolates she sent to him.

 

It infuriated me what I read and called her to ask who was this man, why he was flirting with her, why she was chatting with him and why she sent him some chocolates. She told me it was a co-worker, and she sent him chocolates to thank him for delivering a gift she bought for a female co-worker who just had a baby and lives near his house. She added that she wrote to him though Yahoo chat to see if he had delivered the gift.

 

Then, I asked her why she allowed him to tell her compliments, since it seemed inappropriate. She told me that he was that way, but he hated him because of it. My next question was that if she hated him why did she request request him to deliver that gift to her friend. She replied that she originally had asked another male co-worker, but he had given it to his friend (the guy in question) because he lives closer to the new mom.

 

To which I replied:

 

1. He flirts with you

2. You do not bother, do not ignore or do not ask him to leave you alone

3. You do the opposite: you complain because he does not answer your chat messages

4. In addition, you send him chocolates and you complaint because he did no thank you

5. Finally, there is no mention about the gift that he supposed to deliver

 

She said it was wrong, but that in no way she was cheating on me, or wanted something with him. And to prove it, she sent an e-mail to him telling him not to talk her that way, because I had read the e-mail and it caused her problems with me, and that if she wrote him and sent the chocolates was only to thank him for deliver the gift.

 

However, I broke up our relationship, because she waited until I knew what I was going to put this guy a halt. For me it was obvious that she also was flirting, but changed her mind when I found out about the situation.

[Cracker Jack]

You did the right thing.

 

Based on everything you've said, it's obvious she craves attention outside of her relationship. I don't condone invasion of privacy, but if you never looked, you would still be in the dark about certain things.

[TornedInside]

Thank your for your input Cracker Jack. I know that invasion of privacy is incorrect. But I needed to find out the truth.

 

Every time she gave me an explanation of the things she did, it just did not make any sense. It is like someone telling you that 1+1=3 and you know is wrong, but they keep telling you over an over that 1+1=3.

 

At the end, I understood that she had a pattern of conduct. She will start a relationship (even with married men). At the same time, she flirted and hook up with another guy. Then, she will break up with one of them or both. But, she kept contact with them and see them sporadically. Later, she will start another relationship and start the cycle again.

 

When I confronted her, she tried to justify it saying that she could not hate anyone, that she only saw the good in other people, and therefore stayed in contact with all of them, even if they used her.

 

I suggested her to see a pyschologist. She agreed and learned that her behavior started when she was a child, because she did not feel loved by one of her parents. Therefore, she was trying to fill that emptiness with men. Her fear of not being loved, caused her to always have one or more men on the side just in case her current relationship did not work.

 

I really tried to make the relationship work. But, she started to flirt behind my back with a coworker. She was starting that vicious cycle again.