secret29 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Hello, i'm 29 and am finding things so tough right now. My boyfriend of 2 years dumped me 10 days ago. We lived together and had so many plans for our future. The reason he dumped me is basically because he is only 22 and although me loves me, he doesn't want to be in a realtionship anymore- he went straight from living with his mother to living with me and has never experienced real independance. I understand and can't deny him what every 22 year old should experience. He works in a pub and loves the whole party scene and would regularly not come home at all from work and not let me know where he was and obviously I would get worried. after 2 years of this, I don't think he could handle me asking him to call me or the rows we had when he didn't bother. but all this time he told me so many times that he adored me, would never leave me and wanted to marry me. He even said that 2 days before he finished with me. I had no idea that he wanted to end things and i'm still in shock that my whole world has changed so much in just 10 days. I have moved out and am back with my parents:(. I think about him ALL the time.I can't stop crying, i've lost 12 pounds in weight and i'm making such bad decisions. I let myself into our flat twice so I could see him which annoyed him and then led to having sex with him. But he just doesn't want me back and I can't stop wanting him so much. I'm so in love with him and just can't bare life without him. I just don't know how to cope. Please help xx
skydiveaddict Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 You must break all contact with him. No calls, no texts, no im, no fb, ... You are just going thru the grieving process and that just takes time. keep yourself busy, try to work out, hang close to you friends. I know just how you feel cause I've been there too. you will be OK
drewdude Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 hello secret Your situation kind of sounds like mine. Only that we only dated for about 7 months. She is 22 and i 26. Though she wasn't really a party type of girl. Though she pretty much would tell me how I was the best boyfriend she ever had, made her feel good about herself, said she could see a future with me and couldnt see it with any of her past bfs...she even fell in love with me. Then out of nowhere she starts getting distant and one day says she isnt ready for a relationship cuz she needs to 'figure herself out with life/is stressed out cuz of college' and maybe needs a few months. Which I dont buy, but whatever... This happened 3 weeks ago and while I still do think about her everyday, I have been feeling a little better because of NC. And at this point, that is the ONLY thing you can do. Go complete No Contact, I did the exact same thing. Take him off FB/myspace/IM etc. Its hard as hell and it is gonna be tough, believe me. But you WILL get better. Take this NC time to better yourself, go out with friends, keep busy and who knows, it MAY bring him back or you'll just find someone better. In my past experience with NC, girls who did me wrong always came back at some point. But everyone is diff so dont count on it to bring them back, use it to feel better and trust me in time, you will. Hope this helped, take care.
Laugher Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Breaking up with someone you love is truely one of the worst experiences you will ever have to deal with in life. I broke up with my boyfriend of over 3 years about 9 months ago. At the time it felt like my whole world had been turned upside down and I really felt like I was grieving. I lost a stone in a month and nothing seemed to matter anymore. In my head it made no sense because we had planned a future together..we talked about marriage and having children. I really couldnt imagine my life without him and felt like I would never be truely happy again. The first few weeks were the worst and especially my days off work when I had so much time on my hands..I would just stay in bed and cry. Now 9 months on I am looking back and can see clearly now that we broke up for good reason. At the time I was in denial and didnt want to see the reasons why. I know now it was for the best and I am once again happy..I never thought I would get out the other side but I did and it feels great. The old cliche 'time is a great healer' really is true. I woke up one day and realised I could do nothing to change this situation but I could do something about my frame of mind. I started thinking positively and looking at all the new avenues it opened up to me in life. I start doing things and making my life fun again..At the time it feels like you are going to hurt forever but you wont.. Lastly, id advise you not to do what I did and hang on to false hope. For weeks I kept thinking things would sort themselves out and this just prolonges the misery. Expect that you will never get back together and move on with your life..if it does happen then its a bonus and if not it was never meant to be. Just remember you dont want to be with someone who doesnt want to be with you!! If you are adament you want him back though the worst thing you can do is pester him..give him time and space to miss you!
Author secret29 Posted June 1, 2010 Author Posted June 1, 2010 thank you all so much for your replies. It seems that the only thing I can do is keep myself busy (which is hard because I have a week off work as it's half term) and definitely not contact him. I know that it's for the best but it's so hard! reading other people's experiences on here helps because none of my friends have ever been dumped. I just want my emotions to disappear so i can think rationally but all i can think about is him. this really is torture and i've never known such pain :-( is anyone else going through this? x
hardtocope Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Secret, I am going through the same thing. A relationship of 4 1/2 years that died suddenly (to me that is) that was actually changing and dying for several months. I am in so much pain as well. It is physical and mental all, at the same time, it alternates between anxiety and panic attacks to unbearable sadness for what will never be, and an actual physical aching. Just an utter sense of loneliness and despair and betrayal (they are dating somebody else). I miss every single thing about this person - their hair, their skin, smell, body, everything you could think of I think about and miss, I miss. It is just awful, I am completely dysfunctional, and am having to see a psychiatrist, the longing is so bad. So yes, I feel your pain secret, I know what you are going through, and I am so sorry for you. I think it may be along time before the feelings subside. I find it hard to cope with time off as well - I have some coming up, and I am honestly scared of being by myself. It was supposed to be a week of fun with my partner, so that makes it all the much worse. Try to just make it day by day. It is supposed to get better. I find being with other people makes it much better, being social whenever possible, if you have those outlets. Try to be positive, I know it seems impossible, because it seems impossible for me also, but what alternative do we have? I know exactly what you mean about torture, I am feeling that as I write this.
Recommended Posts