anne1707 Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 nagging him? hardly. He agreed to tell her. I don't nag. Where'd you get that from? If he doesn't tell her then I guess he lied to me. In that case, I will tell her. Is your affair about the relationship with the MM or is it about getting your revenge on his wife? What matters most to you?
pureinheart Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 First I would like to say I was not being sarcastic in my apology in the other thread that was closed. I was not calling every OW a slut, just the W of my MM. I realize now how wrong I was to do that. I've slept with 4 men in my life and I guess that does make me a slut considering one of them is married to another woman. Is that what I'm understanding here? I was actually defending most OWs but my words got severly misunderstood and twisted. I guess what I should have said was this: My MM is married to woman who has many other men. She is not here to defend herself, but how many people are here to defends themselves on LS? Everyone you talk about that's not a member here is someone who can't defend themself so why believe anyone? Just sayin... First...welcome to the forum M80...I knew where you were coming from and did not see anything wrong... So how are you doing today? what's going on with M80?
RedDevil66 Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 _______________________ Not all OW are sluts chasing innocent married men! I didn't say all....
silverplanets Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Thank you. That made me cry. You understand me better than most. I do have family I could turn to but I've been so ashamed. I just talked to MM and we agree that his W should know about me so she can decide if she can live with it. If she can, that makes 2 out of 3 of us. I'm the one who is still unsure. I know I could live with it temporarily but not long term. Which makes me think if there really is no chance of him leaving then I should just stop seeing him. Hi Marilyn, I feel for you, I really do. Most of us here have been where you are and understand the anger, frustration, lashing out, grabbing on to any small hope etc etc It's ok and it's only natural to have these feelings emotions, so don't get too hung up on apologising for them. They just mean you're human !!! BUT .... You're smart, you're here, you're posting and your thinking about your situation and aware that no matter what these two decide YOU have a right (and an obligation) to make a conscious decision about your own future ... so give yourself a pat on the back for not giving up on yourself just yet. And now on to my point with reference to the bold ... if YOU aren't going to be happy to be sharing this man then why are you even waiting to see what they think. He is obviously happy to share himself between the two of you and perhaps that painful fact is all YOU need to know to decide if he is the right sort of person for you. IMHO experience to date when I am in love I want to be with that person exclusively, not share myself around like some prize. If this situation is not what you want then close it down. It will only get harder to do so once you get sucked in deeper, and every minute, second, hour, day that you spend locked up in their mess keeps you from healing and getting back to looking after your needs. Is this man really so great ? if not, why are YOU letting the drama go on ??? No one in the world can stop you from saying "Enough. You are not who I thought you were. This is over". It is not up to him, her or anyone else .. (inc me) .. it is up to you to decide what you want and then do it. Stop kidding yourself that YOU are not YOUR responsibility. (and I mean that in a nice way :)) Repeat as many times as necessary until the penny drops ... "If I don't stand up/respect myself then why should anyone else" Look inwards, you already KNOW your answer ... be safe Chris
OWoman Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I'm good with word sl*t and yes I think some OW are. Especially the ones who chase married men for fun. Sorta sl*tty right? Whatever pops your cork... Personally, I have no problem with the term "slut". I think it's a perjorative term used to describe a woman who is in charge of her own sexuality. A man who sleeps around is a "jock" - usually said with awe and admiration. A woman who sleeps around is derided as a "slut". I don't do double standards and I claim the right to enjoy my body - and those of my chosen, willing, adult partners - as I see fit, not in conformity with uptight US puritan standards. And if that makes me a "slut" in your eyes... frankly, I couldn't care less.
jennie-jennie Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 (edited) First...welcome to the forum M80...I knew where you were coming from and did not see anything wrong... So how are you doing today? what's going on with M80? This post makes me laugh! You and I are always on the same page, Pure! We have been there and done that, called other women sluts. We can understand why another woman would do that too. Not saying that it is a form of talk we should promote on LS, just that it is something that happens at times of being upset. Edited June 1, 2010 by jennie-jennie
Tommy's Girl Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 This post makes me laugh! You and I are always on the same page, Pure! We have been there and done that, called other women sluts. We can understand why another woman would do that too. Not saying that it is a form of talk we should promote on LS, just that it is something that happens at times of being upset. I agree. We do say things like slut or *it ch when we're upset. I agree with Marilyn that it wasn't a personal attack on anyone here. She just made a few enemies after her first post and it went downhill from there. She did a good job of defending herself and has proven that her situation really is screwed up and not the norm. Not many MM's wives would agree to an A. I'm just glad that she's realizing that's not right either. What's the saying, be careful what you wish for?
bittersweet memories Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 (edited) Whatever pops your cork... Personally, I have no problem with the term "slut". I think it's a perjorative term used to describe a woman who is in charge of her own sexuality. A man who sleeps around is a "jock" - usually said with awe and admiration. A woman who sleeps around is derided as a "slut". I don't do double standards and I claim the right to enjoy my body - and those of my chosen, willing, adult partners - as I see fit, not in conformity with uptight US puritan standards. And if that makes me a "slut" in your eyes... frankly, I couldn't care less. how about whore? same thing right... Edited June 1, 2010 by bittersweet memories
OWoman Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 how about whore? same thing right... OTC. One involves financial (or "in kind") payment for services rendered, while the other is about a woman's own sexual fulfillment. While I have no issues with sex work, I am pedantic about using language accurately and correctly - if you think an artist is the same think as the guy who paints your bathroom, fair enough - but to me "artist" and "house painter" are two different occupations.
SavannahSmiles Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 OTC. One involves financial (or "in kind") payment for services rendered, while the other is about a woman's own sexual fulfillment. While I have no issues with sex work, I am pedantic about using language accurately and correctly - if you think an artist is the same think as the guy who paints your bathroom, fair enough - but to me "artist" and "house painter" are two different occupations. Just thinking...How many prostitutes would find it offensive to be called a whore? How many women who sleep with lots of men behind their husband's back would be offended if called a slut? They make take offense, but it is what it is. The artist and house painter example doesn't seem like a good analogy. They both get paid for their services and neither label is offensive.
RedDevil66 Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Whatever pops your cork... Personally, I have no problem with the term "slut". I think it's a perjorative term used to describe a woman who is in charge of her own sexuality. A man who sleeps around is a "jock" - usually said with awe and admiration. A woman who sleeps around is derided as a "slut". I don't do double standards and I claim the right to enjoy my body - and those of my chosen, willing, adult partners - as I see fit, not in conformity with uptight US puritan standards. And if that makes me a "slut" in your eyes... frankly, I couldn't care less. you know, I have to admit, I am truly flattered that you post-stalk me, really I am, but you must know, I was not ref. to you in here. Paranoid much?! And if I am not mistaken, once I sift through your jargon or here, it seems like you're calling yourself a sl*t.
OWoman Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 you know, I have to admit, I am truly flattered that you post-stalk me, really I am, but you must know, I was not ref. to you in here. Paranoid much?! I neither said you were referring to me, nor "stalked" you - I merely took issue with a point you posted which is what I do with many posters on many different threads all over LS. But if it makes you feel special to think you were singled out, I'm glad to have helped. And if I am not mistaken, once I sift through your jargon or here, it seems like you're calling yourself a sl*t. Again, you missed the point. My point was simply that I don't consider "slut" to be on offensive term. I know some people do, but I don't, because to me it embodies a double standard (that that behaviour is admirable in men, but abhorrent in women) that I don't espouse. I'm someone who enjoys my own sexuality, so I would not see such a term as perjorative, is my point. But if it suits some people to throw it at others like a stone, let them enjoy their games. <shrug> I hope that's clearer.
RedDevil66 Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I neither said you were referring to me, nor "stalked" you - I merely took issue with a point you posted which is what I do with many posters on many different threads all over LS. But if it makes you feel special to think you were singled out, I'm glad to have helped. Again, you missed the point. My point was simply that I don't consider "slut" to be on offensive term. I know some people do, but I don't, because to me it embodies a double standard (that that behaviour is admirable in men, but abhorrent in women) that I don't espouse. I'm someone who enjoys my own sexuality, so I would not see such a term as perjorative, is my point. But if it suits some people to throw it at others like a stone, let them enjoy their games. <shrug> I hope that's clearer. OH Much ...............
OWoman Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 The artist and house painter example doesn't seem like a good analogy. They both get paid for their services and neither label is offensive. Again, my point was that they're as different from each other (though both involves painting) as "whore" and "slut" are from each other, though both involves sex. House painters get paid directly to do the job - as do sex workers. Artists paint for their own satisfaction, and perhaps later sell their work (unless they're painting on commission, which is unusual) - more like women who have sex because they enjoy it, and who may derive some kind of trade off for it (e.g. a date, or a bf who buys his gf a car, etc).
2sure Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Name calling is just name calling. It doesnt rise to higher level to use terms that are technically accurate. That said, name calling is just venting. The OP was originally a BS and has with her still the anger and bitterness that many BS's have toward their spouse (whom she divorced) and the OW (whose H she is banging). Name calling, under the circumstances, seems like one of the more mild after effects of the crisis this woman is still enduring. I'm not saying OP is doing the right thing for herself, obviously she is questioning...but she is pi*ssed off on several levels here. Why is her verbiage the main issue that keeps being addressed?
OWoman Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Name calling is just name calling. It doesnt rise to higher level to use terms that are technically accurate. 2sure given that this is the third or so thread on the topic, it DOES seem to matter! If someone uses a term that offends someone, they will focus their energy on the term (and the offence) and the more general point that the OP was making gets lost. So, the question of whether something is accurate, and / or offensive, is not immaterial - it can be the difference between someone responding on-topic to the content of a post, and someone taking a major detour that leads the thread miles from its original destination (and in danger of being closed down, as has happened to this thread's two predecessors.) Of course the OP's state of mind is important - Jen made a similar point in her thread (which may or may not still exist - about whether welcoming noobs should be done by a sympathetic reception committee or left to random all-comers, whether armed with stones or not) - but if rational discussion of trigger-words can help avoid the kind of knee-jerk response (through noobs not using them - or using them only advisedly - or through regulars demystifying the words and them losing their power to offend) then that's surely not a bad thing?
jennie-jennie Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Name calling is just name calling. It doesnt rise to higher level to use terms that are technically accurate. That said, name calling is just venting. The OP was originally a BS and has with her still the anger and bitterness that many BS's have toward their spouse (whom she divorced) and the OW (whose H she is banging). Name calling, under the circumstances, seems like one of the more mild after effects of the crisis this woman is still enduring. I'm not saying OP is doing the right thing for herself, obviously she is questioning...but she is pi*ssed off on several levels here. Why is her verbiage the main issue that keeps being addressed? Exactly. Great post, 2sure. I know that anger. I have held it myself to one of the OW of my exSO. And for many years too.
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