marilyn80 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 First I would like to say I was not being sarcastic in my apology in the other thread that was closed. I was not calling every OW a slut, just the W of my MM. I realize now how wrong I was to do that. I've slept with 4 men in my life and I guess that does make me a slut considering one of them is married to another woman. Is that what I'm understanding here? I was actually defending most OWs but my words got severly misunderstood and twisted. I guess what I should have said was this: My MM is married to woman who has many other men. She is not here to defend herself, but how many people are here to defends themselves on LS? Everyone you talk about that's not a member here is someone who can't defend themself so why believe anyone? Just sayin...
bentnotbroken Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Yes, that is what you should have said.You were quite clear in your anger at his wife.
jthorne Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 And exactly how do you know she's sleeping around? Because your MM tells you that? He tells you what he wants you to know. He could have several OW for all you know. So she sleeps around... You're sleeping with her husband. How does that make you any better? He's chosen his wife, and you're jealous. You dumped your WS, he won't dump his. He has every right to choose his wife, no matter what she is. So you can choose to be the OW, or you can leave. Just sayin.
scatterd Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 whats odd is you are sleeping with a married man you all three wrong.How do you know she sleeps around.Why would you care does she know you are sleeping with her husband.You just started on a bad note here.This is to support people and it was offensive but start over the people will support you.
Author marilyn80 Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 And exactly how do you know she's sleeping around? Because your MM tells you that? He tells you what he wants you to know. He could have several OW for all you know. So she sleeps around... You're sleeping with her husband. How does that make you any better? He's chosen his wife, and you're jealous. You dumped your WS, he won't dump his. He has every right to choose his wife, no matter what she is. So you can choose to be the OW, or you can leave. Just sayin. I never said I was better. I just use that to justify the A...which is wrong. So I admitting I am wrong and I am no better than she. If she were a good, faithful wife I'd feel horrible. I know she's sleeping around because I have proof and she's not very discreet. I think I'm done with the interrogations. You don't have to believe me but I'm not going to post info that I'm not sure about.
Author marilyn80 Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 whats odd is you are sleeping with a married man you all three wrong.How do you know she sleeps around.Why would you care does she know you are sleeping with her husband.You just started on a bad note here.This is to support people and it was offensive but start over the people will support you. You make a good point. I honestly don't know why I don't just let her know I'm sleeping with her H. It probably wouldn't bother her. He wants both of us. So of course I am jealous but I don't want to lose him either. I'm sure I'll come to my senses one day.
BB07 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 You make a good point. I honestly don't know why I don't just let her know I'm sleeping with her H. It probably wouldn't bother her. He wants both of us. So of course I am jealous but I don't want to lose him either. I'm sure I'll come to my senses one day. Why would he want to stay with a woman who screws around on him and isn't too picky about it according to you? I assume by you posting here and what you have said that you don't like this situation, correct? Assuming you aren't happy with it, do you expect it to change or are you here to get support for the way it is right now?
bittersweet memories Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Here's what I don't understand... You left your H because you wouldn't put up with his bullspit. Don't you see you're with a man that's doing the exact same thing? I guess it's ok to do it with you, as long as it's not done to you... So you're okay with the fact that he still has sex with his slut (your word) of a wife right? You threw one jerk out and replaced him with another just like him. I agree with this post.. So true!!
RedDevil66 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I'm good with word sl*t and yes I think some OW are. Especially the ones who chase married men for fun. Sorta sl*tty right? Maybe your lovers ex is a sl*ut, but that's not really the point. I don't think you're a sl*t at all. Having said this, I see you posted in another thread that you lack self esteem, that is the crux of ALL affairs, if you know that, use your energy to work on you and forget about the lying cheater. Save yourself a lot of heartache
MizFit Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 First I would like to say I was not being sarcastic in my apology in the other thread that was closed. I was not calling every OW a slut, just the W of my MM. I realize now how wrong I was to do that. I've slept with 4 men in my life and I guess that does make me a slut considering one of them is married to another woman. Is that what I'm understanding here? I was actually defending most OWs but my words got severly misunderstood and twisted. I guess what I should have said was this: My MM is married to woman who has many other men. She is not here to defend herself, but how many people are here to defends themselves on LS? Everyone you talk about that's not a member here is someone who can't defend themself so why believe anyone? Just sayin... Marilyn...I think that what happened is you came in upset and with guns blazing. I don't believe you were aiming anything at anyone here, but at the end of the day this is a place that requires some tact and respect. There are many, many opinions and even more life stories that created those opinions. You came in very heavy and when someone said something to you, you were horribly defensive. We all know you're upset, but you were walking into a 'room' of strong, weak, overpowered, empowered, bitter, scared people. Find your footing and show a little respect...that is basically all anyone is saying. Don't start your post calling people names...it doesn't case YOU in a good light. Now that you're here...listen to the people who are taking the time to share their wisdom and mistakes and heartache and joy with you. They don't have to be here, they want to help and to share. Best to you...
SavannahSmiles Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I never said I was better. I just use that to justify the A...which is wrong. So I admitting I am wrong and I am no better than she. If she were a good, faithful wife I'd feel horrible. I know she's sleeping around because I have proof and she's not very discreet. I think I'm done with the interrogations. You don't have to believe me but I'm not going to post info that I'm not sure about. Marilyn - I feel bad for you. I read your other posts too. You do lack self-respect but you are afraid of the alternative. Either way you will hurt, but hurting on the way to recovery is so much better than hurting and hurting more and even worse. I can see your pain in your posts. Maybe you came here for support or advice but can't take that step yet. Just know that you don't have to live this way. There are way too many men out there to mess with one like this character. Not only is he married, but he has no intention of leaving his wife who cheats on him continuously? So crazy. When you go back and read your posts, do you see how dysfunctional it is? I would recommend IC. Do you have any good friends or family you can lean on at this time? ((hugs))
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 (edited) M80, it is clear that you are frustrated, but there is no point in being frustrated with his wife, however promiscuous she may be. I'd be frustrated with a man who not only cheats, but doesn't seem to mind if his wife does either - there is very little chance that he does not know. That does not sound like the sort of man who is worth fighting over, much less 'winning'. Even if you did end up with him, something tells me he'd continue to see his wife on the side, or would end up going back to her. There seems to be a bond between them that only they understand, and everyone else is left on the outside. That said, what are you hoping to gain from this? He is not going to become the man you want and need him to be for you. Are you afraid to be alone? Edited May 31, 2010 by LucreziaBorgia
califnan Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I never said I was better. I just use that to justify the A...which is wrong. So I admitting I am wrong and I am no better than she. If she were a good, faithful wife I'd feel horrible. I know she's sleeping around because I have proof and she's not very discreet. I think I'm done with the interrogations. You don't have to believe me but I'm not going to post info that I'm not sure about. -------------------- Marilyn, She is still his wife.. It is not uncommon that the OW many times feels like the rescuer.. I wonder how much MM Use the OW against what is going on in their marriages..
Author marilyn80 Posted June 1, 2010 Author Posted June 1, 2010 Marilyn...I think that what happened is you came in upset and with guns blazing. I don't believe you were aiming anything at anyone here, but at the end of the day this is a place that requires some tact and respect. There are many, many opinions and even more life stories that created those opinions. You came in very heavy and when someone said something to you, you were horribly defensive. We all know you're upset, but you were walking into a 'room' of strong, weak, overpowered, empowered, bitter, scared people. Find your footing and show a little respect...that is basically all anyone is saying. Don't start your post calling people names...it doesn't case YOU in a good light. Now that you're here...listen to the people who are taking the time to share their wisdom and mistakes and heartache and joy with you. They don't have to be here, they want to help and to share. Best to you... Guns blazing?! How did I come in very heavy? I was accused of being in my "glass house" and called a "slut" because I called someone else a slut. I felt attacked from the beginning. Dang, a whole thead was closed because of the response, and MY guns were blazing? I'm sorry, but I just don't understand what is acceptable anymore. I'll try to be calmer and I'll try not to offend anyone.
Author marilyn80 Posted June 1, 2010 Author Posted June 1, 2010 Marilyn - I feel bad for you. I read your other posts too. You do lack self-respect but you are afraid of the alternative. Either way you will hurt, but hurting on the way to recovery is so much better than hurting and hurting more and even worse. I can see your pain in your posts. Maybe you came here for support or advice but can't take that step yet. Just know that you don't have to live this way. There are way too many men out there to mess with one like this character. Not only is he married, but he has no intention of leaving his wife who cheats on him continuously? So crazy. When you go back and read your posts, do you see how dysfunctional it is? I would recommend IC. Do you have any good friends or family you can lean on at this time? ((hugs)) Thank you. That made me cry. You understand me better than most. I do have family I could turn to but I've been so ashamed. I just talked to MM and we agree that his W should know about me so she can decide if she can live with it. If she can, that makes 2 out of 3 of us. I'm the one who is still unsure. I know I could live with it temporarily but not long term. Which makes me think if there really is no chance of him leaving then I should just stop seeing him.
Tony Posted June 1, 2010 Senior Moderators Posted June 1, 2010 The other thread was closed for a reason...and that reason comes here. Let's resolve this with a few more good, on topic responses and we'll close this one up too... NO MORE REOPENING THIS CASE. Thank you!
jthorne Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Which makes me think if there really is no chance of him leaving then I should just stop seeing him.EXACTLY. You have to decide what YOU want. If you are okay with being the OW, stay. If you want more, it's time to move on before your heart gets in deeper.
Fallen Angel Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Thank you. That made me cry. You understand me better than most. I do have family I could turn to but I've been so ashamed. I just talked to MM and we agree that his W should know about me so she can decide if she can live with it. If she can, that makes 2 out of 3 of us. I'm the one who is still unsure. I know I could live with it temporarily but not long term. Which makes me think if there really is no chance of him leaving then I should just stop seeing him. So he is planning on telling her that he is having an affair with you and see if she is interested in having an open marriage? Did he happen to say where you will stand if she decideds she can not live with that and gives him the "her or me" ultimatum? What does he plan to do if she does that?
Author marilyn80 Posted June 1, 2010 Author Posted June 1, 2010 EXACTLY. You have to decide what YOU want. If you are okay with being the OW, stay. If you want more, it's time to move on before your heart gets in deeper. You are right. I'm stubborn and sometimes the truth stings which is why I act defensive sometimes. I'm sorry to reopening this issue. I was out all day and didn't get a chance to respond before the thread was closed. FA, I guess I am saying it would be an "open marriage" situation because I think MM's W needs to know about us. Considering her situation, if she cares, I'd be surprised. The issue now really is me and what I am willing to live with. If MM's W is surprised and upset, it will be interesting to see how she gets MM to leave me. I guess she'd have to leave all her OMs first.
Fallen Angel Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 You are right. I'm stubborn and sometimes the truth stings which is why I act defensive sometimes. I'm sorry to reopening this issue. I was out all day and didn't get a chance to respond before the thread was closed. FA, I guess I am saying it would be an "open marriage" situation because I think MM's W needs to know about us. Considering her situation, if she cares, I'd be surprised. The issue now really is me and what I am willing to live with. If MM's W is surprised and upset, it will be interesting to see how she gets MM to leave me. I guess she'd have to leave all her OMs first. Just keep in mind that she can not GET HIM TO LEAVE YOU. He will only do that if/when he makes the CHOICE to do so. I seriously doubt she will put a gun to his head, simply make him make a choice. It is then up to him to decide who is most important to him, and from what you have said he has already told you that she is. Are you prepared to deal with the fact that he may shut you off completely when she tells him he must decide? Please guard your heart.
bittersweet memories Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 You are right. I'm stubborn and sometimes the truth stings which is why I act defensive sometimes. I'm sorry to reopening this issue. I was out all day and didn't get a chance to respond before the thread was closed. FA, I guess I am saying it would be an "open marriage" situation because I think MM's W needs to know about us. Considering her situation, if she cares, I'd be surprised. The issue now really is me and what I am willing to live with. If MM's W is surprised and upset, it will be interesting to see how she gets MM to leave me. I guess she'd have to leave all her OMs first. By your other post he has no intention in leaving her or the marriage anyway..so if she has a problem with you will he dump you? or keep you a secret? Are you prepared for that? You seem to have a problem with being the OW.
Author marilyn80 Posted June 1, 2010 Author Posted June 1, 2010 By your other post he has no intention in leaving her or the marriage anyway..so if she has a problem with you will he dump you? or keep you a secret? Are you prepared for that? You seem to have a problem with being the OW. I don't know if I have a problem being OW yet, but I think MM's W should know so at least there are no secrets. He has no intention of leaving her but she may decide to leave him. I don't have my hopes up about either because frankly, they both get their cake and eat it too. Why should then end a good thing?
naturegirl Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I'm good with word sl*t and yes I think some OW are. Especially the ones who chase married men for fun. Sorta sl*tty right? Maybe your lovers ex is a sl*ut, but that's not really the point. I don't think you're a sl*t at all. Having said this, I see you posted in another thread that you lack self esteem, that is the crux of ALL affairs, if you know that, use your energy to work on you and forget about the lying cheater. Save yourself a lot of heartache _______________________ Not all OW are sluts chasing innocent married men!
bittersweet memories Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I don't know if I have a problem being OW yet, but I think MM's W should know so at least there are no secrets. He has no intention of leaving her but she may decide to leave him. I don't have my hopes up about either because frankly, they both get their cake and eat it too. Why should then end a good thing? You keep saying "I" think she should know about your affair. How does he feel about this? He might be just telling you that he will tell her just to keep you from nagging him. So watch out for that.. He figures you will stick around anyway.
Author marilyn80 Posted June 1, 2010 Author Posted June 1, 2010 You keep saying "I" think she should know about your affair. How does he feel about this? He might be just telling you that he will tell her just to keep you from nagging him. So watch out for that.. He figures you will stick around anyway. nagging him? hardly. He agreed to tell her. I don't nag. Where'd you get that from? If he doesn't tell her then I guess he lied to me. In that case, I will tell her.
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