Children all over again with new partner?

[asrgal]

Wasn't sure how to put the title.

But I am curious - especially to hear from men (women, too) and their opinion on 2nd marriages and if you have already children, on having children all over again with your new partner?

 

How do you feel about it? Are you more hesitate the 2nd time around, and why?

What would it take to jump all in, again?

 

For the ladies, are you or have you been with a man that has children already, what is your experience?

 

Thanks

[lonelyandfrustrated]

I've only dated one person who had children from a previous M, and he did not want to have any more. I'm pretty sure that he was reminded of why he didn't want any more every month when he wrote that huge check. He complained that he never got to see the kids, but he was the one who moved seven states away. Yeah, we didn't last long.

[Stung]

When I met my now-husband he had joint custody of his 5-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. He had lived with his ex-gf for several years but they never married and they split up when their daughter was just a toddler, so she had no real memories of them being together (hence no resentment for me as a usurper). His daughter and I got along famously right from the start, we all now consider me her third parent, although she of course already has a mom. She asked me once if I was her mommy when she was at her dad's house and I explained that her mother was ALWAYS her mother no matter who's house anybody was at but that I was more than her friend or a babysitter or teacher, I was a stepmom, so she got another parent who loved her.

 

My stepdaughter is now almost 11, tipping over into puberty (which we're all a little worried about ) and lives with us half of every week still. My husband and I have a 1.5 year old boy together. My son LOVES his big sister and she loves him and is actually a pretty big help with him, sometimes I have to pry her away from the baby and remind her that she is a kid herself and not his second mom. They both also get along well with my goddaughters, whom I currently have joint custody of in the summers, they are 12 and 7. My stepdaughter regards this summer arrangement as a series of slumber parties.

 

I've been really lucky in that everyone gets along so well, although some of that was also foresight and pre-planning, a little handy understanding of child psychology, etc. It can be complicated, for sure. Honestly, my stepdaughter's mom can be kind of a pain in the A so she's thrown a spanner or two into the works over the years and caused some friction...but it's never spilled over into our relationship with my stepdaughter, it's certainly not the kid's fault and it's not really her business, either. Holidays can be a bit hard, trying to make sure she gets to spend enough time with all her different families, but as long as all us adults are flexible we've been able to make it work out to everyone's satisfaction. One more complication is that we have had some amazing job offers from overseas that we'd both like to take but have to turn down because we really don't want to put my SD through a court battle or giant custody upheaval, or be faced with only seeing her in the summers. So, that kind of sucks...but hopefully the offers will still be there when she's older and in college, and anyway she is a great kid and our family is worth some sacrifice.

 

I had a few moments of hormonal insecurity about it all when I was pregnant with my son and my stepdaughter's mom was being a thorn in my side, but it's working out well so far. My husband loves both his kids and is a real family man, and we're considering trying for one more in a year or two. The main reason we're not 100% sure about this yet is because my pregnancy was high-risk and I'm not sure I want to go through it again, also our son is still a terrible sleeper and we're both just way too tired to think seriously about another baby right now...however my husband has ONE MORE as his limit, he's fine with the two he has and can see his way clear to one more but after that he's having a vasectomy. Which is fine with me, I don't need to be doing any old-woman-who-lived-in-a-shoe impersonations.