mrshuma Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 (edited) I know this is wishful thinking but are there instances where a woman breaks up after 7 years because of no proposal? Deep down I know this isn't the reason but wanted to get others opinions. These are the things she said when we broke up; We are comfortable Feels like were roommates Wants to be on her own to see if she can do it herself Loves me but is not in love with me I am her family and hopes we can be friends I understand I am reaching, but my question is, is it likely a woman would break up because I hadn't proposed BUT would mention other reasons? Here is a link to a bit more background on my story; http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t232176/ I'm on Day 6 NC and I just don't know what to do! Edited May 31, 2010 by mrshuma
DustySaltus Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I read your previous thread and her thoughts about marriage. I think that there were a lot of things that have contributed to the breakup. First off, she was 20 years old when you started going out. It's very rare these days for someone to be in a relationship in their late teens to early twenties and see it all the way through to marriage. Society projects that it's all about "living your life" and "exploring new things" these days. These best thing you can do is work on yourself. Maybe there were things that you wanted to accomplish on your own but because you put all your energies into the relationship, you weren't able to see them through. Focus on those. You can beat yourself up day and night thinking about what you could've done to make things work. It's a painful and unproductive exercise. The fact is though, someone who truly wanted to make things work would fight tooth and nail to do so, not walk away. You can only control your own emotions, not hers. Re-read grayclouds link in the other thread and again focus on you.
ADF Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Not only is it possible for women to break up after 7 years because of no proposal, it is downright common. A man who doesn't propose after 7 years--7 YEARS!--is likely a man who just doesn't want to get married, period. He wants to keep his options forever open. Well, most women aren't going to go along with that. They want a firm commitment.
Author mrshuma Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 Thanks DustySaltus, I have started NC but at the moment I admit I am using it as a tool to get her back. I know she broke it off but it was 7 years we lived together and in my mind we were going to be together for life. I would think that if she was doing this because we hadn't been engaged then perhaps she would have dropped some kind of hint along the way. I am holding out hope that is what it is but deep down I know that its not the reason. Again thanks for replying!!
Author mrshuma Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 (edited) ADF: I understand that but wouldn't she have said something instead of saying the things she did? She knows I was committed to her, I moved from Canada to the USA to be with her, away from my friends and family for 7 years. We would talk about marriage/wedding one day and then 1 month later she would tell me "I don't want to wake up one day at 45 and regret it" or "I'm just not sure I want to be married", so when I heard these things I wasn't running to get engaged. In my mind it was inevitable though that we were going to be married though and she knew it. She just started her career 7 months ago so it seemed like the time was coming then boom she breaks up with me. My point was, would she break up with me because of no proposal and say these other things. Edited May 31, 2010 by mrshuma
ADF Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 My point was, would she break up with me because of no proposal and say these other things. It's possible. One thing I've learned is to never underestimate the lengths people will go to to make a difficult situation as easy as possible on themselves. They will do almost anything to spare themselves having to have a diffilcult conversation. I certainly don't know what the whole truth is in your situation. However, it is very possible you haven't heard the whole truth yet.
Author mrshuma Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 would it be considered breaking NC if I were to call her mother to ask her if thats the reason? Her mom will tell her I called though so it would probably backfire and set me back?
Author mrshuma Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 ADF: do you think its worth me breaking NC to ask her this? What do you think?
norajane Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Yes, ask. There's no other way to know if that was the main problem. It doesn't sound like it was the main problem, but I doubt you'll be able to move on and take in what she actually told you about why she broke up with you, until you now for sure that it wasn't for lack of a proposal.
Author mrshuma Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 it's just been so hard to make it to Day 6 NC I don't want to break it unless she contacts me and wants to reconcile. It's been such a battle to get to just day 6, and I know the odds are very slim that it was because of no proposal. I don't know, I'm looking for answers that no one can give me sorry!!
Author mrshuma Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 Another idea, I know its probably very dumb but what about having my brother or good friend call her tell her something like "mrshuma doesn't know I am calling you etc, and ask her if thats the reason"? I am sure she will see through it, what do you guys think?
ADF Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 ADF: do you think its worth me breaking NC to ask her this? What do you think? I don't think you should involve her mother in this. The sad fact is that when someone breaks off a relationship, we often never know the full reason why. It a bitter part of life, but one we have to learn to live with.
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