Author tanbark813 Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 Thanks, WWIU. Her not being who I thought she was sort of helps in a way though.
SadKitty78 Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 So she gave me her email password way back when we first started dating because of a Facebook thing. She must have actually forgotten because when I confronted her the night we broke up she asked how I got in. TBH, I checked it a couple times early in the relationship out of paranoia but never found anything and stopped after that. Weeks before we broke up things just seemed off, for lack of a better term. I was getting that bad gut feeling that I'm familiar with. One night we were just kind of hanging out and she asked me what's wrong and I just said that I don't know but something is different. Later I even asked her if she was seeing someone else and even asked her specifically about the trainer since I've had my suspicions for a while now. She just denied everything. The night I found out, we got into a really petty argument (about doing the dishes) before she left for the gym (of course). We had been getting a into a lot of petty shyt so I finally decided to check her email again. That's when I found out what was going on. Oh well.. live and learn. She had an opportunity to come clean and she didn't! She lied about it! You just have to trust that feeling you get - that intuition. I had the same feeling and stumbled across some not-so-platonic pix of my ex's (BF at the time) ex-gf. It was a girl he swore had always only been his friend! These pix proved they were more at some point! I am not sure to this day whether he cheated on me with her, but the lies are unbearable and I could never trust him again! I am very sorry to hear! Stay strong! You deserve a girl you can trust!
Snugglepuss Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Hey Tanbark, I also live in the Bay Area! Like Santa Clara and Campbell. I'm wondering, did your ex sleep with my cheating ex of 5 years who IS a personal trainer?! Lol. Well, when I met him, he was not a trainer. I actually encouraged him to become a trainer since he was so vain and into his physique, and apparently I also encouraged him to become a lying, cheating, filthy dirtbag man-whore. Piece of *****.
Author tanbark813 Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 Hey Tanbark, I also live in the Bay Area! Like Santa Clara and Campbell. I'm wondering, did your ex sleep with my cheating ex of 5 years who IS a personal trainer?! Lol. Well, when I met him, he was not a trainer. I actually encouraged him to become a trainer since he was so vain and into his physique, and apparently I also encouraged him to become a lying, cheating, filthy dirtbag man-whore. Piece of *****. Wouldn't that be a small world? Sorry to hear about your similar experience. Lots of Bay Area folks here. Downtown Campbell is a cool little spot. Been a while since I've been to Taco Bravo.
Div Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 Hey TB Sorry to hear of your discovery. A very similar thing happened with me this week. I found out my ex who I'd been with for 2.5 years had been seeing people on the side. I also trusted her like no other. But you know what? I had that deep down gut feeling that something wasn't right. When I confronted her she gave me the usual B.S and that I shouldn't get annoyed at her for having a life outside our relationship. It had nothing to do with that but her general lack of affection is what prompted me. So, the lesson is to always trust your gut instinct, it's usually right.
Author tanbark813 Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 So, the lesson is to always trust your gut instinct, it's usually right. I couldn't agree more, my man. Sorry to hear about your situation too.
Div Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 I'm curious as to how you confronted the situation? You see I found this out 3 weeks into NC from a mutual friend. I was so angry when i found out my initial instinct was to contact her and tell her what a *&^*^*()* sl*T she was for doing that then lying to me and letting me trust her. (The cheating happened at least 4 months before the breakup). I haven't said anything to her yet. Part of me wants justice and wants her to feel guilty and ashamed about her actions but the other part of me says to just let it go. :S
Author tanbark813 Posted June 24, 2010 Author Posted June 24, 2010 Oops, forgot to reply to this. I'm curious as to how you confronted the situation? I printed out one of the emails that I found. When she got home I just told her to read it. I still have etched in my head the moment she read it, realized what it was, realized what that, in turn, meant what I knew, and then her face dropped. I told her about the other email I found and then just told her that she knows what this means and that she can no longer stay here. After that she packed a bag, was out the door no more than 10 minutes later, and I haven't seen her in person since. Between then and when she moved out we had some words via phone and email--some civil, some not so civil--but avoided having to see each other the day she moved out. I've gone over the initial confrontation in my mind and different ways it could have played out. There is a part of me that kind of wishes I had gone off on her more that night, but the majority of me is glad I kept my composure. I wouldn't necessarily call it keeping my cool, because I was seething, but I maintained, as Nietzsche would put it, "an attitude of hostile calm."
Star Gazer Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 I maintained, as Nietzsche would put it, "an attitude of hostile calm." Good job, Tan.
marlena Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Oops, forgot to reply to this. I've gone over the initial confrontation in my mind and different ways it could have played out. There is a part of me that kind of wishes I had gone off on her more that night, but the majority of me is glad I kept my composure. I wouldn't necessarily call it keeping my cool, because I was seething, but I maintained, as Nietzsche would put it, "an attitude of hostile calm." Listen to Nietzshce! The guy knows what he was talking about!
Author tanbark813 Posted June 24, 2010 Author Posted June 24, 2010 Listen to Nietzshce! The guy knows what he was talking about! I do. And he does (or did, rather).
Div Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 I prefer the cool, calm approach as you described. You come across as so much more respectful in the end. Well she knows I know what happened, a mutual friend confirmed it. Apparently she was very hurt when the mutual friend told her I wouldn't ever want to speak to her again. So I guess that provides some satisfaction. And its true, I don't want anything to do with her unless she can give me a face to face apology for what happened, even though every time I think of the good memories and conversations we had a piece of my heart dies a little.
Author tanbark813 Posted June 24, 2010 Author Posted June 24, 2010 I don't want anything to do with her unless she can give me a face to face apology for what happened FWIW, I wouldn't start coming up with conditional actions. It's a little too much like the bargaining stage of grief. Just do what you need to do regardless of her own choices.
Art_Critic Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Hey Tan.. I just saw this thread... Bummer dude.. I'd give you a hug.. but I have a rep to uphold... How about a beer instead ?
Binster Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 If she was only playing away for a month you were on to it pretty quick. Nicely one.
Author tanbark813 Posted June 24, 2010 Author Posted June 24, 2010 If she was only playing away for a month you were on to it pretty quick. Nicely one. Well I do have quite a bit of experience in dealing with faithless whores.
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