This Hurts Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I was going to post this last night, but instead replied to a few other threads and went to bed. Anyways, I changed my number last night. I honestly thought it would be a huge weight off my shoulders, but it wasn't. I don't feel any different, though, and I don't feel any worst which it's good. I feel pretty much the same, just like I have a new thought to get used to. This was the first phone number I ever had. I had it since I met her, throughout all of our relationship and even throughout our breakup last year. In fact, the reason we got back together last year was because I never got around to changing my number and she got a hold of me that way. So, it feels like a huge door closed, since I know she can't do that this time around. For the past couple of months, every time I got a text or call and I went to check who it was, there was this underlying fear yet hope that it was her. If it was her, I was always scared to open the text since you never know what to expect from her and she could be loving one minute and a complete emotionless b*tch the next. And when it wasn't her, I felt a bit disappointed and sometimes even annoyed at the person who DID contact me because they had gotten my hopes up Well, that's not happening anymore... Now I know for sure every time I get a text or call, it's not her. She doesn't live very close to me, and we have different friends, so I know she can't get a hold of me through mutual friends or anything along those lines. She's also DEFINITELY not the type to drive here, so this could actually mean that we're never speaking again. And this marks the beginning of my NC. Makes me a little sad, but I know it's for the best, and at least I don't feel like killing myself. Also, I deleted her and everybody associated with her (sister, couple of her friends) off my phone. I don't have any numbers memorized, either, so that also means it's impossible for ME to break NC, since I no longer have the numbers. What I'm REALLY hoping is that this decision doesn't smack me in the face later on today or in a few days, and I get depressed. I hate it when sh*t hits me, and it's hard for me to take. We'll just have to wait and see, I guess.
Cantcope Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I'm really proud of you! You took a HUGE step in your recovery. I completely know what you mean about running to the phone when you get a message and actually being annoyed with the person that it is, because they are not the person you REALLY want to hear from. I'm struggling with blocking my ex on FB. We're not friends, so I can't see his page, but I can still see what he posts to other people. I know I'm just torturing myself, but it's just so HARD to make that big step. This sucks! I can't believe that I let someone hijack my thoughts and emotions like this! Best of luck to you!
mickleb Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 This is MAJOR, TH. Well done! Just remember to inform your good friends, asap! Very strong. Deserves a little 'reward', I reckon: something you like that isn't too unhealthy for you.. Enjoy your 'freedom'. x
Author This Hurts Posted June 1, 2010 Author Posted June 1, 2010 Thank you for your replies. Cantcope, I would suggest deleting all your social networking sites in general. I have virtually no temptation of checking her MySpace/Facebook, and I think it's because I don't have either of those myself. Just make sure you have everyone's (friends and family) numbers and maybe emails, to keep in touch, and delete your FB. It helps a ton, IMO. Mickleb, I'm growing fond of you and your replies :') thank you for being so attentive to me.
cdt76 Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I deleted myspace. She was checking it. She is blocked from Facebook. No mutual friends there. Ugh.
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