JohnBGood Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 One of the things that infuriated my previous girlfriend was my continued contact with my ex wife and her family. My girlfriend dumped me about a month ago. My contact with my ex was not the primary reason, but was a significant factor. My ex and I parted on friendly terms - and I speak with her about every eight weeks or so for about 10-15 minutes. I also maintain contact with her family, but on a less frequent basis. I have no intention of ever getting back with my ex, but I do wish her the best. I never fully understood my girlfriends point of view. I was totally committed to this woman and she broke my heart. Now for the question: Is it unreasonable for me to think that I can have a healthy relationship with a woman, and maintain contact with my ex and her family??
alaskafire08 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Yes, you can have a healthy relationship with a woman & still be in touch with you're previous chapter in life... 1) make that clear at the beginning of the relationship. 2) look for a secure woman who understands the difference between friends and lovers. 3) don't make your visits with the former family a secret. We women will know if you lie. We don't like being lied to. To a woman, not telling the whole truth is the same thing as telling a lie.
brainygirl Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I think it was more about the ex's issues than anything you were actually doing. Some people are well aware that there are other members of the sex walking around and in contact with their SOs, and some people can't get it through their heads. Personally, I think jealosy is pointless.
BB07 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 One of the things that infuriated my previous girlfriend was my continued contact with my ex wife and her family. My girlfriend dumped me about a month ago. My contact with my ex was not the primary reason, but was a significant factor. My ex and I parted on friendly terms - and I speak with her about every eight weeks or so for about 10-15 minutes. I also maintain contact with her family, but on a less frequent basis. I have no intention of ever getting back with my ex, but I do wish her the best. I never fully understood my girlfriends point of view. I was totally committed to this woman and she broke my heart. Now for the question: Is it unreasonable for me to think that I can have a healthy relationship with a woman, and maintain contact with my ex and her family?? What you have described sounds perfectly reasonable and I would think it shouldn't be a problem. We all have a past and history and if I were your g/f, I would consider it a positive that you've maintained a decent relationship with the ex and her family. The key is to keep it a distant and respectful contact, which it seems like you did.
Author JohnBGood Posted June 1, 2010 Author Posted June 1, 2010 Thanks very much for your replies. I really needed a sanity check on this.
Krytie TV Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I think maybe the gf saw a bit of a flame that you were holding for your ex-wife and maybe that was what she was picking up on. Maybe you act like you are still in love with your ex and you don't know it.
2sure Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I was totally committed to this woman and she broke my heart. If you do not have children, when a relationship like this ends..it really does just need to end. Sometimes moving on with your life includes cutting strings that you dont want to. If you cannot do that, you are not emotionally available for a new relationship.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 If you do not have children, when a relationship like this ends..it really does just need to end. Sometimes moving on with your life includes cutting strings that you dont want to. If you cannot do that, you are not emotionally available for a new relationship. I second 2Sure on this. If there are no kids in the mix and you haven't ended it, than guess what? Either one, or both of you, is/are still holding onto something. Reigniting an old flame is much more likely the way you keep contact open like this. Your girl friend made the mature call by moving on. You can suspect this to be the common reaction with other women you date in the future. I agree with the poster above that reccomended full disclosure up front; however, the women who take that deal probably enjoy playing with fire. Let your ex wife go.
DanielMadr Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 We women will know if you lie. Wooo, scary. We women. Wee women
Mimolicious Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I was totally committed to this woman and she broke my heart. If you do not have children, when a relationship like this ends..it really does just need to end. Sometimes moving on with your life includes cutting strings that you dont want to. If you cannot do that, you are not emotionally available for a new relationship. This is not always true. If you truly know what you want you can remain in touch with whoever and it not be a problem. Your girlfriend was insecured that's all.
Crazy Magnet Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 She may have broken your heart, but perhaps you were the reason your heart is broken. If your gf told you she had a problem with your ex wife and asked you to stop behavior that was breaking her heart and you chose to continue on with your ex wife anyway...well...getting dumped is what happens when you put your ex's needs in front of the person you are currently with. Letting go of the past is a hard lesson to learn. You may indeed find a woman who doesn't care if you talk to your ex wife, but I personally wouldn't date you. I can't say that any of my friends would date you either. It screams unstable attention seeker to me.
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