RobertoPNW Posted January 27, 2004 Posted January 27, 2004 I don't know if I screwed up but I told my ex I want no more contact. This happened because she called my house and my sister told her I wasn't home. My ex then talked to her best friend about this. Turns out that my ex said my sister probably lied about it and I must have been there. That pissed me off! I really wasn't home. In my original thread I mentioned that I had lied about my past, but that doesn't mean that my sister is a liar! dammit, I am pissed! Well, I managed to regain my composure. I called my ex back on the cell the next day, left a message stating that I would prefer no contact from her. I said that in the office I would ask her to avoid me and I will do the same for her. I asked her to no longer acknowledge me in the hallways. Deep down I want her to give up her own anger/bitterness towards me. If she can't forgive me then I don't want to be around her. But, secretly, I want her to take me back so that I can make it up to her for the rest of our lives. The next day she is still wanting to glance my way, but I don't pay any attention to her. I act proud of what I said, but inside I'm a mess. I know I can't go back on my word. I wish she could see me for who I really am. At this point she will need to make every effort to reconcile. I'm done with the drama.
Velveteel Posted January 27, 2004 Posted January 27, 2004 Use the no-contact to moderate your own feelings. You must have heard this comment about you being at the house third-hand, from the best friend, right? That's really eavesdropping. Your ex didn't accuse you of lying. She said something to her best friend that reflects her own insecurities. She's allowed to do that. She's allowed to blow off steam privately with her best friend. And why is the best friend sharing this private conversation with you? Maybe to stir up some drama. I think you overreacted to this one, although--believe me--I understand. I do this kind of thing all the time. Take your time. Try not to focus on your ex. Do something important for yourself, like working out regularly or reading a good book. If she approaches you again, be kind, but take things very slowly. Just my two cents. Good luck!
Author RobertoPNW Posted January 27, 2004 Author Posted January 27, 2004 I've known the best friend for 2 years now, my ex only recently met her about 5 months ago when she met me also. I would hope the best friend has some loyalty to me. She offered to mediate for us but I won't do that until both of us are calmed down enough. Yes I have lied to her, and I told her I am very sorry. But that gives her no right to call my sister a liar. I suppose I would not have heard that accusation directly either. Have I overreacted? Maybe so, but my ex is going to learn that she can lose me also. Right now I'm feeling that I want to take back my words of no contact, my mind says no I can't go back on that. I really miss her and how we used to be. But, she is holding onto the anger. I couldn't possibly do that if it were me, it's not healthy. I'm the kind of person who doesn't hold grudges, so long as the offender is sorry and repented. I know I can't change her mind or feelings, so I will leave her alone to do that on her own if she is willing.
sweetali Posted January 31, 2004 Posted January 31, 2004 Why dont you try just being honest with her? If you didn't want to see her anymore then I would understand the no contact thing, but if you do, then just be honest. If it's too hard for you to talk to her about your feelings face to face, then why dont you try writting her a letter or something? If you really do have serious feelings for her then you wont let anything stand in the way of something happening between you two. It sounds to me like you are more worried about "saving face" by not going back on your word, then about doing what would really make you happy. I've been that way, I understand, but trust me, you're pride is not worth being unhappy and regrettful. Talk to her...
Arabess Posted January 31, 2004 Posted January 31, 2004 Keeping the 'no contact' is always hard. I have found the best way to keep it is by going over the reason(s) why you felt it was necessary to begin it in the first place. Make a list on paper. Review that list to help you decide if you made a decision in haste or anger....or if you made it because it's the best way to help your heart heal. GOSH...and you WORK together?? It must be very difficult indeed!
Author RobertoPNW Posted January 31, 2004 Author Posted January 31, 2004 Originally posted by sweetali Why dont you try just being honest with her? If you didn't want to see her anymore then I would understand the no contact thing, but if you do, then just be honest. If it's too hard for you to talk to her about your feelings face to face, then why dont you try writting her a letter or something? If you really do have serious feelings for her then you wont let anything stand in the way of something happening between you two. It sounds to me like you are more worried about "saving face" by not going back on your word, then about doing what would really make you happy. I've been that way, I understand, but trust me, you're pride is not worth being unhappy and regrettful. Talk to her... I don't care about my pride if she has been hurt, but I will protect my family first. I did write her a letter some weeks ago stating that I'm sorry for the dishonesty, and I did state that I love her and miss her. I just can no longer try with her while she harbors anger and bitterness. I really want to be with her again, but not while her feelings are raw.
Author RobertoPNW Posted January 31, 2004 Author Posted January 31, 2004 Originally posted by Arabess Keeping the 'no contact' is always hard. I have found the best way to keep it is by going over the reason(s) why you felt it was necessary to begin it in the first place. Make a list on paper. Review that list to help you decide if you made a decision in haste or anger....or if you made it because it's the best way to help your heart heal. GOSH...and you WORK together?? It must be very difficult indeed! Just knowing the way she thinks of my sister is keeping me from missing her. I am getting on with my life as if I don't expect her back. I just signed up with 24 Hour Fitness club, and I'm meeting some old friends from high school. I've got plenty to do. We work on the same floor in a state agency. We have the same job duties so we attend the same training classes and meetings. It is hard but I'm doing my best. The hard part is when she tries to stare me down. I just smile.
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