electricvanilla Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I need some advice on this situation. I have been together with my BF for a while now...everything has been going well between us. But there is this one thing.... Friday was the last time I saw/heard from him. I called him yesterday and he did not call me back all day....later in the day I find out a few of his friends went down to Miami. I am guessing he is with them. & that is fine, but I don't understand why he didn't tell me? We usually see each other every other day or so...so I mean if you are leaving town....shouldn't you say so?? I feel like he is not answering the phone bc then he will be faced with having to explain? ...Then he will just come with an excuse in a few days about his phone. Thinking back...this has happened another time before we were together ...to which he claimed he left his phone at home because he didn't want to talk to anyone -___- *but he drove across states...a phone would be important?* I already know he will not contact me today either because they are still down there. He is allowed to hang out with his friends...I have never held him back from doing anything with them...if anything I often suggest it, bc we are together all the time and I don't want him to get tired of me.--he says he is fine I don't see why he can't just answer or why he didn't tell me he was going there???? When he calls me....It will most likely be on Tuesday....How do I bring this up to him? I don't want to sound jealous? or like I own him. My cousins say that he is probably seeing other girls and that's why he won't answer. He is my first boyfriend....I would say I am rational...not clingy...no fights... idk I feel like ignoring his calls and texts the next time he contacts me
LSNoob Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Wow, what a ****ty BF, sounds like hes 14yrs old. Hope he didn't do anything stupid down there with his friends. If did nothing there and you decide to give him another chance, tell him this is the last time this happening, the next time it happens you guys over. Sneaking away like that, what a coward.
Woman In Blue Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Seriously, this guy is a complete douche nozzle. He has zero respect for you if he thinks that little of you to just disappear and leave you hanging, ignoring your attempts to get in touch with him. What a complete and total asswipe. Why would you even WANT to be with someone this callous and nasty? Who CARES how you approach it with this little weasel when he gets back from his drinking and cheating binge? Do you think he's honestly off fishing somewhere with his buddies? He doesn't respect you or your relationship and he made that loud and clear. He may be your first boyfriend, but so far, he's your WORST. Ditch his worthless ass and don't even look back - he doesn't deserve even that small effort.
MyNameIsJane Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I have to be blunt... but I had a BF that did the same exact thing... he would leave town - claim it was on a business trip or that it was a last minute thing - but he would actually be in a different state with another girl - or have not left the state at all and just wanted a week without worrying about getting around me to cheat.. I found out after a year together that he had TWO OTHER SERIOUS GIRLFRIENDS. If I were you, I would force him to explain... or just leave.. It ISNT normal. In hindsight - I would have left him the first time I suspected something was odd and wouldn't have wasted a year of my life
EricaH329 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 If I were you, right now i'd be focused on the fact that he left town without saying a word to you about it. When you do speak to him again, ask him why he didn't let you know that he was leaving. Any excuse he has is not going to be justifiable. He left his phone at home? He should have called before he left. His phone died? He is with friends, who i'm sure have phones. You need to ask him what is going on, and if he denies any wrong-doing, let him know that this will not be acceptable (because it's not). If at that point he says that you should both break up, then you weren't worth it to him to begin with and you are better off. If he tells you he promises it won't happen again, then you both need to discuss what is expected in the relationship, since it's apparent he isn't understanding (due to the fact that he's done this before). He might be cheating, he might not be. Regardless, actions need to taken, or nothing will ever change and you'll find yourself in this same situation time and time again.
vintagecat Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 It depends upon how long you've been together and what your normal arrangement is, but if you are a "steady" couple where the expectation is daily communication or even every other day and that you normally spend some or all of the weekend date nights together, it is not okay to disappear and leave your mate hanging over an important holiday weekend without a word. It's just not the way to treat someone that you care about. In your heart you know this to be true, though you appear to want to rationalize and be a "cool" girlfriend to keep the relationship intact without making a fuss or demands. Bottom line you can accept this evidence of complete disregard and be his forgettable doormat of a lover or make the fuss that it demands and potentially end the relationship. Any excuse that he comes up with is just that, a lame excuse unless he is dead. Even in the hospital there are phones... BTW, years ago I had a BF that did the disappearing act once about 4 months into our exclusive relationship, (I accepted his lame excuse then being young and inexperienced) the second time a few months later I showed up at his apartment after he dropped off the face of the earth for a few days and there was another woman there. Of course that was the big fight moment where the lame excuses abounded. I would like to say that I was finished with him for good but I eventually was persuaded to be with him again after all of the groveling, apologizing and wooing. The third time he pulled the disappearing act, I was completely done. Life is too short to deal with people that don't respect you. Good luck to you. It's hard to keep your wits about you when someone is attempting to pull a fast one but stick with your gut and stand up for yourself or you will regret it down the road. Cat
phineas Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Seriously, this guy is a complete douche nozzle. Yeah, gotta agree with this. I was dateing a girl I used to work with for a month when she just up & went out of town for 2 weeks to see another "guy friend". We wern't exclusive or anything but the fact she didn't bother to tell me she wouldn't be around for the next two weeks irked me enough to stop talking to her.
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