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My Girlfriend With Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Ambient

By Ambient
in Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being

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Ambient Member

Ambient

Posted
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I need some honest advice on this situation. I have no idea what I should do.

 

I'm in my early 20's, and I've been dating my girlfriend for 11 months. Three months after we started dating, she started getting panic attacks and having really bad anxiety and was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. She has been on clonazepam since and a week ago the doctor doubled her dose and also gave her lorazepam for when she has a bad day. She also talks to a therapist. Today she told me that sometimes she thinks it would be easier to "not live" than live with the anxiety. She is not suicidal or anything, but it scares me that she would even think like that.

 

I don't know how to handle all of this. I am really supportive and am doing my best to help her. She was the girl I wanted to marry, but now I don't know anymore. She worries about the future of our relationship constantly, and I'm starting to wonder if things will work out. For example, I want to have kids eventually, but I do not know if she will be able to deal with kids and her anxiety. I don't even know if she would ever be able to commit to getting married and all things that go along with it.

 

It's also hard for me to understand what she feels like and it makes me really frustrated at times because I am the exact opposite of her. I don't worry about anything. I couldn't even tell you what anxiety feels like. So its hard for me to understand how she can worry about such small, unimportant things all the time. I know it's not her fault at all, but I still can't help but be frustrated sometimes.

 

I don't want to give up on her, but its hard to be with someone who is constantly masking how they feel and is just pretending to be normal. I know it might sound selfish, but I feel like I spend all my time trying to make her feel better, but I don't get any time to just relax and have fun and enjoy being young and in college.

 

I'm just wondering if there's anything I can do to help her? Can someone who has GAD or dated someone with it tell me how you handled it? Do you think a relationship like this can work out? I really need some advice. I can give more information if you need it. Thanks for your responses.

Kentucky Jelly Member

Kentucky Jelly

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I would dump her. You have not even been together for a full year. Why volunteer for a bunch of problems you could easily avoid?

florence of suburbia Established Member

florence of suburbia

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Hi Ambient,

 

I've been reading a book by Karla McLaren called The Language of Emotions. She has an interesting take on anxiety. She says modern culture has taught us to block out anger and fear. What we need to do is relearn how to use these emotions to our advantage.

 

Anger is the emotion that allows us to create healthy boundaries. When we attend to our anger, it tells us what isn't working for us, when to say "no," tell someone to back off, etc.

 

Fear is the emotion that makes us alert to danger, whether physical or social, etc.

 

When we have unhealthy boundaries from stuffing our anger and dulled alertness to real danger from belittling our fear, our anxiety spikes and dips and loses control in an attempt to compensate.

 

She uses the analogy of a car. Healthy boundaries = a car in good shape. Unhealthy boundaries = an old beater. When you drive an old beater in a rain storm (danger) your hands are clenched on the wheel and you're leaning forward trying to see through the fogged up windshield, and you're filled with anxiety. I wonder if this is part of what is going on with your gf.

 

This doesn't preclude chemical issues or the need for meds. Just might be a factor.

Green Established Member

Green

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I wouldn't dump her unless she is unwilling to have sex.

 

If you are anoyed with her though go ahead and dump her, people grow apart. Just say "I feel we've grown apart and it just isn't working out, I'd be living a lie if we continued going out" or just make it all about you "I need to be alone, I'm sorry you don't deserve this, goodbye"

BetterOffWithoutYou Established Member

BetterOffWithoutYou

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why don't you go to one of her therapy sessions with her and get advice from her therapist? i hope you are being honest with her that it is difficult for you because you want to make her all better, but cannot. you also need to be honest with her that you don't know how to help her when she is having an anxiety attack. ur gf will be able to tell you what she needs from you when she is having a difficult time, and by working with her and her therapist you can get solid advice from a professional. this site it good for opinions but not a matter like this. for example, people are telling you to dump her bc ur young an annoyed.... they don't even know anything about you and your gf to come to this conclusion! just bc ur gf has GAD doesn't make her a bad person or deserving of getting left. it also doesn't mean that she won't be able to commit or will not be able to deal with children.... thinking things like this just goes to show your inexperience with the situation. you may be the opposite of her when it comes to worrying but this can be a GREAT way for you to help her! you can show her how you brush things off so easily and support her. you help keep her spirits up and keep her laughing and hopeful. if you truly love her it is worth it. everyone has their problems and no one should be punished for a health issue!!! research about GAD, find support groups for people who have it or have a family member who does, and get info from ur gf's therapist. most importantly, you NEED to be HONEST with her about how you feel!!! no relationship based on lies or holding back info can last. of course you want to be carefree but life is never carefree. bottom line, if you truly love her and know she is worth it you will help her on her journey to getting healthier, not abandon her for less responsibility and more fun.

Eve Established Member

Eve

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Personally, I find people with GAD to be too unforgiving to deal with. I wouldnt consider anything intimate at all.

 

So, if you do not have a simular background then it may be difficult to accept that at some point things will get unbearably suffocating and often the sufferer will try and make out its your fault.

 

Yes, at some point you will become an object of the anxiety.

 

I dont believe this happens to all but I have seen many instances where this is the case.

 

Dunno, how much can you take? Mostly I think that GAD sufferers need a sibling form of relationship above all else and are thus unable to have equal relationships where the other person too has needs.

 

Be a friend? You could go all the way if you can stand hearing about every step you both make..

 

With faith I believe all things are possible but mostly people just vent when they get a label...

 

All the best,

Take care,

Eve xx

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Ambient Member

Ambient

Posted
  • Author
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I have told her how I felt. Her anxiety used to lead to lots of arguments, but it doesn't anymore. We have a great relationship besides when she has bad days. Its not like I don't want to be with her. I guess I was looking for someone to reassure me that she'll be able to handle it better as time goes on. Maybe that's ont true though

Eve Established Member

Eve

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Ambient, everything may work out fine for you. Dont be put off entirely by me and others here, ok?

 

My reflections come mainly from a work perspective and also from experiences with about four former friends who had this disorder. I have found that group work is a good means of helping those with GAD because well, we cant see ourselves really can we? Maybe participate in something like this with her if you want to see things through? Bad day s are bad days and if you both have a master plan as such to get through those days, things could very well work out..... :)

 

Parenting can exasperate the symptoms though, so it would be wise to read up on the whole spectrum that can occur within the disorder. I have seen a lot of messed up stuff though in this regard. Lots of kids with ODD, ADHD etc seem to come from family structures with GAD and other disorders on this spectrum..

 

Whatever you do, dont start thinking that the questions you are asking are not relevant. These are natural questions which you would probably ask yourself even if the disorder was not present. I have found that some sufferers are expert manipulators in this regard and those closest to them can become prisoners if they are not careful. So make a sober judgement about what you can and cannot take and make sure you have your own boundaries in place.

 

Over time she may sort of grow out of it in a way by finding other coping mechanisms. Exercise is really good in this regard but please be careful not to try and fill that gap of excessive displays of emotion/lack of emotion which she feels to be present. Realistically none of us can fill this gap. What you need to watch out for is if she tries to self medicate through alcohol, sex or drugs. These are the three most common but I would also throw in addiction to money too .. basically stuff that can maximise emotional turmoil.

 

Positively I do know one couple currently who are successful but it does come at a large strain on the Husband. He is a strong man though and would never leave his wife. He has had various anger problems in his past and I suppose they have found a way to support each other.

 

The most successful are those who try and view the disorder as OCD and can externalise the feelings. This is only my opinion though. This too can cause many problems but at least it is visible! But yeah being lead by feelings is not a nice place to be and I am sorry if I sound unsympathetic but the reality of living with someone as such can be highly distressful.

 

Hope you find a way to make sense of stuff anyway..

 

:)

 

Take care,

Eve xx

Edited by Eve
shadowofman Established Member

shadowofman

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My gf is sort of dealing with related issues. Was not sure if it was GAD, depression, or epilepsy. Was on clonazepam which helped the panic attacks, but they made her semi-suicidal. She is taking seizure meds now, and they may be working. She is feeling better. I would also recommend very high dosages of omega 3 suppliments. Not as an alternative to prescribed meds, but as brain function enhancers. Mountains of evidence suggest that n-3 PUFAs can help depression, some forms of epilepsy, heart function, and more. We should all be consuming more n-3, in addition to other essential amino and fatty acids.

Meaplus3 Established Member

Meaplus3

Posted
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While I don't have GAD.. I do have panic disorder.. so I've been told. Anyway, the treament's for anxeity disorders are normally the same Coganative Behavior Therapy.. and in some cases with med's. I wish you luck with your GF. Hang in there and try to be patient. She can get better.. it just may take time.

 

Mea:)

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

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I also suffer at times with anxiety. It used to be ALOT worse. CBT (Cognitive behaviour therapy) saved me. you say your gf is in counselling, but what type of therapy is it? If she is just seeing a regular shrink, she might be better off seeking someone who specializes in anxiety disorders (hense the CBT) and can help her face whatever it is that is making her feel this way. Not all of it is always chemical.

 

Today she told me that sometimes she thinks it would be easier to "not live" than live with the anxiety. She is not suicidal or anything, but it scares me that she would even think like that.

 

Depression and anxiety go hand in hand, so she probably is suffering abit from a mild form of D.

 

You can be proactive and help her. Get books for you both to read, one by Sam Obitz, "Been there, done that, try this!", Dr David Burns, the Feeling Good book, and any Claire Weekes books on anxiety are also very helpful.

 

Your girfriend isn't alone, many people suffer from this and make it through okay. She may always have this, but she'll learn how to cope better, with the help from a good therapist. Being scared of the anxiety makes it worse, so once she really understands everything about anxiety, the fear will lessen and she'll have better control over it.

 

There are things she can do - keep a daily journal and write down what she's feeling and why.

She should be careful what types of food she eats, especially during her cycle. Hormones definately affect anxiety and make it worse at times..

 

Exercise daily. You both should do long walks, and it'll really help her if she does yoga. Yoga is so good to relax not only the body but the mind. Deep breathing while sitting in a quiet room, is also a good thing to try.

 

Do yourself a favour and start reading up on anxiety. There are tons of great websites on the net!

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
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I guess I was looking for someone to reassure me that she'll be able to handle it better as time goes on. Maybe that's ont true though

 

She WILL get better as time goes along. She may have anxiety for the rest of her life, but with the tools she'll learn from doing CBT, she'll be able to control the anxiety, and face her fears.

 

Can I ask how functional she is? And, what I mean by that is, is she able to go places by herself? Drive by herself?

shadowofman Established Member

shadowofman

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Recently heard Stephen Ilardi talk about his new book "The Depression Cure" on The People's Pharmacy on NPR. Thought his topics very interesting.

  • 3 weeks later...
kristy85 New Member

kristy85

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Have you taken her to any psychiatrist or counseling..

If not please do it and do make her to take some meditation as this will help her to relax her mind.

 

Drug Rehab Program

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