Fieldsofgold Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 In my own life there have been two times when I though I loved someone so much, I could never get over them. Due to circumstances and the passage of time, I find that these men are now virtual strangers to me. I have read on LS many declarations of love for a SO. I am wondering if anyone else has had a love they didn't believe could ever end -- turn cold? I'm wondering how often it happens, that we really really think we love someone, and then at some point in time, we realize that we got over them?
MizFit Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 In my own life there have been two times when I though I loved someone so much, I could never get over them. Due to circumstances and the passage of time, I find that these men are now virtual strangers to me. I have read on LS many declarations of love for a SO. I am wondering if anyone else has had a love they didn't believe could ever end -- turn cold? I'm wondering how often it happens, that we really really think we love someone, and then at some point in time, we realize that we got over them? Excellent topic Fieldsofgold...I wrote in a thread earlier this morning that I don't think if you truly love someone you ever 'get over them'...I think the love is there, but with time it changes. I think there are triggers that make you think of someone...if you're lucky you have more good memories of them than bad. As far as truly, can't live without you love...no, I think we can all live without anyone (as long as we have the tools and capability to do so). I do think that there are people we would always want to try again with. Since coming onto LS and reading about couples who are reconciling I wonder what would have happened if I had done that with my xH. I also wonder if he passed through my door now would my heart skip a beat and would I even remember all the hurt he caused me. I don't think if we're in love we ever fall out of it...it softens.
JustJoe Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 IDK, Goldie. I think that if you were truly in love with someone, you never totally lose that feeling. I went to a class reunion, last year, and met my HS GF for the first time since we broke up. She and I had dated throughout HS and were the couple voted"most likely to marry". I went off to college in another state, and she found another guy. While we were in HS, I couldn't ever imagine her not being a part of my life, but it happened, even though she tried everything to undo the damage. The memory , however, of it is still strong.
Fallen Angel Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I don't think if we're in love we ever fall out of it...it softens. I think this is as good a discription as any.
jthorne Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I'm with you FoG. There's been people in my life I've loved beyond belief, but now don't know them from Adam. Obviously, I loved my exfiance. But do I love him now? No. Does that mean I never really loved him in the first place? Not at all. I guess I'm just the type to not hold onto things.
jj33 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 That happened to me with xMM. I held a torch for far too long. And then although there have been many things that have happened that should have extinguished the flame since it ended, suddenly something happened and it was like a light went off. Any residual feelings I had dissipated in a flash. I dont doubt that I loved him or that the love was real but I dont love him anymore. There are other people in my past who I loved very much and now I wish them well but dont otherwise have strong feelings for them.
Fallen Angel Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 That happened to me with xMM. I held a torch for far too long. And then although there have been many things that have happened that should have extinguished the flame since it ended, suddenly something happened and it was like a light went off. Any residual feelings I had dissipated in a flash. I dont doubt that I loved him or that the love was real but I dont love him anymore. There are other people in my past who I loved very much and now I wish them well but dont otherwise have strong feelings for them. This resonates for me as well. I can honestly say that I once loved my exH. All I feel now is that I once loved the man he was when I loved him, not that I still love him. (Does that make any sense to anyone but me?)
jj33 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Thats it exactly FA. I loved the man he was when I loved him. I hardly recognize him now. I know the man I loved is in there somewhere, but hes not recognizable to me now.
Lecturer Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I think the love we have for someone only softens,and only when we feel an even more intense love for someone else. Of course there are a lot of variables to this, such as how the relationship ended, how badly you may have been hurt by them, etc. But if you think of a situation where you were married to a person for, say, 20 years and then they died, how well can you 'get over them'?
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