kis Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 This forums is full of unhappy OW who are wishing and waiting for thier MM to to leave their wife. It seams to me it would be very hard for everyone involved in this type of affair where one partner is single to remain happy for long. But............if both partners are married, on equal ground, so to speak, I would think that it would have a better chance of both partners being happier with the situation. What are your thoughts?
pureinheart Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Hi K, I'm not sure if this would be considered the same thing, although my daughters dad and me separated to see other people...we were both miserable, the other people weren't on the same page with us...we had always been like best friends and never faught and were not used to game playing or manipulation, so we both came back to the M with our tails between our legs...lol... I realise this is not the answer you were seeking, but this is what could happen even if we hadn't told each other we wanted to see others...
jthorne Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 This forums is full of unhappy OW who are wishing and waiting for thier MM to to leave their wife. It seams to me it would be very hard for everyone involved in this type of affair where one partner is single to remain happy for long. But............if both partners are married, on equal ground, so to speak, I would think that it would have a better chance of both partners being happier with the situation. What are your thoughts? Just sounds like more potential for heartache to me. More people involved, more risk of getting caught, more people to betray and be hurt if the A is discovered... I get where you are coming from. But I think it's probably good in theory, but not so much in practice.
joey66 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Hi kis, This was my situation. She and I are both M, and the thought process was exactly what you said - since we are both M, and neither of us was looking to leave our Ms, we thought it could work. Or at least I thought it could work. But it didn't work. Despite my personal experience, I do think that an A in which both APs are M stands a better chance, mostly because the playing field is more level, so to speak. I read questions from unhappy (mostly) single OWs such as "Is he really leaving his W?" or "Is his M as terrible as he says?" or "Is his W the monster he makes her out to be?" or "Does he really love me or is he just after sex?" Etc. When both APs are M I think there is less of an incentive to lie to one another about those kinds of things. I know, too, that OWs sometimes drive themselves crazy wondering about whether the MM is having good sex with his W. Or if he is having any sex with his W. When you are both M, I think it sort of cancels out. You both know that the other is having sex at home. It's just part of it. Also, the fact that both APs are M gives you one more thing in common. You can empathize with one another, particularly if you are similar ages and at similar places in your lives. MW and I are almost exactly the same age and we both have teenage children. We spent a lot of time talking about our kids and even our spouses. So yes, in general (but obviously not in every case) I think the chances of both APs being happy are higher if both are M. But YMMV.
secretlady76 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Er, it depends. If both APs are in it for the same thing and their expectations are the same then fine. However, problems arise if one feels more than the other or is looking for more than the other is willing to give. So really it is just as heartbreaking in a way....just in a different way...
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