caribou Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Those of you who suspected she was having an affair were 100% correct. I confronted her when she got back from her "business" trip and she admitted to it. She claims it is over with the guy but is now filing for a divorce.
2sunny Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 it's not over. it was obvious she was seeing someone. what did you find out? what did she tell you about him?
MizFit Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 It is NOT over with the guy. She is saying that to you so you will back off. Expose her affair to all people she respect including her boss, parents, uncles, aunts, siblings, best friends, etc. I don't understand the logic of exposing her if she's taken the decision to file for divorce. As long as the OP doesn't let her flip flop...she cheated, she's told you it's dong. Let her go...make her go. I know I couldn't forgive an infidelity, but even disregarding my thoughts if it's to the point SHE has decided to leave then I would consider there to be nothing worth your time and effort.
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 ...she cheated, she's told you it's dong. Let her go... I just saw such irony in pointing out the spelling/typing error... I assume there was no pun intended there... But seriously, back to the subject at hand. I wouldn't believe her that the affair is over. It's human nature to say that, but more than likely it's not even close to being over. As far as exposing her, I think it only shows the need to hurt her. That need could very easily be justified, but I personally would rather fight for my marraige in a productive way than just try to get revenge and/or personal satisfaction. If I was at the point where I was done and no longer willing to fight for the marriage, even still I would see no point in fighting just to fight...
ADF Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 It is NOT over with the guy. She is saying that to you so you will back off. Expose her affair to all people she respect including her boss, parents, uncles, aunts, siblings, best friends, etc. No, no, no. If you go around telling everyone she knows about her affair, you're just going to end up looking like a pathetic loser out to get people's sympathy. Frankly, some of her close friends may have known about her affair already. I am glad you know. It is going to get worse before it gets better, but you'll survive this.
Passion4Life Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 No, no, no. If you go around telling everyone she knows about her affair, you're just going to end up looking like a pathetic loser out to get people's sympathy. Frankly, some of her close friends may have known about her affair already. I am glad you know. It is going to get worse before it gets better, but you'll survive this. I completely agree about looking like a pathetic loser if you try to expose the affair . It will only seem like a weak attempt from you to get her back .
Iconoclast Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 "Filing" for divorce? Don't believe it until you see it. It helps her to justify her affair if she is "divorcing", but never actually files. If it's over for you, then there may is little to gain from exposure. If that's the case be real nice and amicably divorce (get the best deal for you). Then, unleash the hounds, if it amuses you. If you deeply love her and think you can go forward with her, then, exposure will probably be necessary and you'll be in hell for a year(s). Then, maybe, it'll get better, if she snaps out of if and shows remorse. Whatever you choose, lawyer up quick, and financially protect yourself... like now. Isolate your income, credit cards etc. No point in paying for her good time.
jwi71 Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I don't understand the logic of exposing her if she's taken the decision to file for divorce. As long as the OP doesn't let her flip flop...she cheated, she's told you it's dong. Let her go...make her go. I know I couldn't forgive an infidelity, but even disregarding my thoughts if it's to the point SHE has decided to leave then I would consider there to be nothing worth your time and effort. Why should he LIE when people ask WHY they are filing for D? Its an honest answer to a natural question people will ask upon hearing the news. What's wrong with being honest?
Darth Vader Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 "Filing" for divorce? Don't believe it until you see it. It helps her to justify her affair if she is "divorcing", but never actually files. If it's over for you, then there may is little to gain from exposure. If that's the case be real nice and amicably divorce (get the best deal for you). Then, unleash the hounds, if it amuses you. If you deeply love her and think you can go forward with her, then, exposure will probably be necessary and you'll be in hell for a year(s). Then, maybe, it'll get better, if she snaps out of if and shows remorse. Whatever you choose, lawyer up quick, and financially protect yourself... like now. Isolate your income, credit cards etc. No point in paying for her good time. Amen to that! Get a really good Lawyer, and separate your accounts, protect your assets! She's the one to leave the house, not you! She cheated, she leaves! File for Divorce yourself, first! Make sure it gets done quickly, or your wife, rather soon to be ex-wife will drag it out!
Darth Vader Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Why should he LIE when people ask WHY they are filing for D? Its an honest answer to a natural question people will ask upon hearing the news. What's wrong with being honest? He should tell the truth, his wife wanted to screw other men, tell all family and friends, both your family and hers! No point for his wife to beat him to the punch and make him look like the bad guy!
lkjh Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 No, no, no. If you go around telling everyone she knows about her affair, you're just going to end up looking like a pathetic loser out to get people's sympathy. Frankly, some of her close friends may have known about her affair already. I am glad you know. It is going to get worse before it gets better, but you'll survive this. I find it funny that on one post you claim that a husband who ask his wife not to be friends with guys she use to sleep with is controlling and here you say a man that exposes his wife's affair, so she has to live up to what she has done is a pathetic loser. Do you ever get tired of trying to make a cheaters life any easier. You are right he should let her get away with what she has done, tell her friends and family that they split because of mutual reasons or better yet that it was his fault, and while he is at it he should give her the house and 70% of his income Exposing her affair means she will have to live up to what she has done. It means she won't be able to lie and blame it on her H. Most important is may make her feel a little bit ashamed of what she is.......a cheater. A cheater is something that under no circumstances is ever a good thing OP sorry about what you are going through but at least now you see her for what she is and you can move on
lkjh Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 oh I almost forgot, go and get a sleezy attorney not one that plays by the book
CrayonAngel Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Sorry for your loss. I've been following your story, and It's heartbreaking to hear that your suspisions were confirmed. How are you holding up? Do whatever YOU need to do so that YOU can heal properly from this ****storm your W has rained down on you. Everyone is different, don't let anyone tell you how to heal. Expose don't expose do what you need to do so that in the end you won't feel the bitterness A's usually make you feel. It's going to be a long process, just know that we are all here.
Dexter Morgan Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Those of you who suspected she was having an affair were 100% correct. I confronted her when she got back from her "business" trip and she admitted to it. She claims it is over with the guy but is now filing for a divorce. see this divorce as a blessing. you don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone you won't be able to trust again. And you wouldn't ever rebuild all the trust with her and would always have had some small level of suspicion about her. Life will be better without her, you will see. It may not seem like it for a while, but it will get better. Of course my reasons for saying this were from a financial standpoint, I wanted away from my X once I found out what she did, just took me a month to realize it. good luck my man
michelangelo Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Make sure exposing her at work won't get her fired. Otherwise? You may be on the hook for spousal support more than you may already me. But once the divorce goes through? Tell anyone you want!
ADF Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I find it funny that on one post you claim that a husband who ask his wife not to be friends with guys she use to sleep with is controlling and here you say a man that exposes his wife's affair, so she has to live up to what she has done is a pathetic loser. Do you ever get tired of trying to make a cheaters life any easier. You are right he should let her get away with what she has done, tell her friends and family that they split because of mutual reasons or better yet that it was his fault, and while he is at it he should give her the house and 70% of his income Exposing her affair means she will have to live up to what she has done. It means she won't be able to lie and blame it on her H. Most important is may make her feel a little bit ashamed of what she is.......a cheater. A cheater is something that under no circumstances is ever a good thing OP sorry about what you are going through but at least now you see her for what she is and you can move on If there were any chance at all his exposing his wife's affair would have the desired effect--i.e. make her feel ashamed, humiliated, whatever--I would say go ahead. But the only one who will suffer in the end is him. His wife has clearly moved on and could care what he thinks, says, or does. If he runs around telling everyone how awful she is, he will only look weak and pathetic.
Steadfast Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Do you ever get tired of trying to make a cheaters life any easier. You are right he should let her get away with what she has done, tell her friends and family that they split because of mutual reasons or better yet that it was his fault, and while he is at it he should give her the house and 70% of his income Exposing her affair means she will have to live up to what she has done. It means she won't be able to lie and blame it on her H. Most important is may make her feel a little bit ashamed of what she is.......a cheater. A cheater is something that under no circumstances is ever a good thing While it's tempting to lob a grenade into the cheater's foxhole, it's been my experience that if one stays out of it, the ramifications of their actions will manifest themselves in a more lasting and profound way. Call it karma, taking the high road or whatever you want, the Chinese have a saying about revenge digging two graves. Trusting that my justice wouldn't be as lasting or meaningful as the natural developments has great merit. Down the road the less anyone can pin on you, the easier it is to heal and be remembered as someone who truly loved. In my case, I left my wife alone and did not interfere with her life after she confessed. And while it is true that she would not tell me his name or where she met him, it was a very short time before all of these things were revealed anyway. I could have called her HR department, ran the news past her family members and made endless announcements. But, out of respect for our children and for a whole bunch of other reasons that are hard to verbalize, I let it go. There's a certain freedom and yes; even a satisfaction being where I am now. For reasons only she could explain, my ex will often approach me frustrated and angry; no doubt because she's facing the consequences of her actions. But because of my actions (or, more accurately, non-actions) she cannot pin any of her troubles on me. This is probably healthy, because it forces her to deal with them and not have a handy scapegoat to blame. Whoever said two wrongs don't make a right was very wise.
whatcanidonow2 Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Wise words Steadfast. I'll try to remember them as I go through my troubles. Thankyou.
Mimolicious Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Steadfast is on the money! You should beat her to it and serve her with papers. Biggest slap on the face! "Here, I leave you" kinda way. Best of luck and I wish you strenght. It is going to be very hard, but you'll survive.
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