Ihavenoidea Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 So this woman I asked out wants to do coffee for our first date. I HATE doing coffee for the first date because its so impersonal and informal. I love getting coffee with friends just not a first date. Besides talking what else is there to do? Totally ruins the first kiss appeal. Any advice for coffee dates?
brainygirl Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Dunno, I tend to like them because coffee can be so sensuel, the tastes and textures. And its casuel so if its a blind date or a person you met online, there isn't much pressure. Its also cheap., can keep it under five bucks a piece. Maybe offer an alternative, mini golf?
Serenitynow Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I dont like coffee dates either. IMO its a first date killer. You have to sit there and come up with endless dribble to talk about. I have NEVER met a women that is talkative or helps in anyway to carry the conversation either. They just sit there giving you one or two word answers, and you are left having to do all the work as usual. Doing an activity is much less stressful and gives opportunities to break up the conversation.
reservoirdog1 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I don't think coffee is a great first date either. I prefer meeting for drinks (social lubricant n' all that...). But having said so, I don't agree with your views about talking on a first date. That's usually the way I do it; talk on the first date, do something fun on the second. At least that way you find out if there's anything in common, if you can stand being in her presence for more than fifteen minutes, and build up some rapport. No point doing something fun only to find out partway through that she's boring, or stupid, or a racist, etc.
USMCHokie Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I'm not a big fan of coffee as a first date either...not only will you both be rockin' the coffee breath, as you've already mentioned , but there really is nothing to do except talk...and there will be a higher likelihood of awkward silent moments where both parties feel compelled to fill it...with anything... Where did you meet her, and do you both already know a little something about each other? Have you already gotten all the "interview"-esque questions out of the way...? That's the problem with coffee dates...it becomes much to easy to turn into an interview...especially if there's nothing situational going on in the coffee place to talk about besides yourselves... I actually prefer dinner or some activity like pool...it gives you something to do in between conversation but is an environment where you can still talk as much as you'd like...
Ronni_W Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I HATE doing coffee for the first date because its so impersonal and informal. Er...then suggest something else! Mention that you'd prefer getting to know her while mini putting or paint balling or go-karting. Whatever is your preference. Offer a compromise -- split the difference, and maybe you'll end up at the movies...or a concert. Don't start things off being dishonest and/or a doormat, for goodness' sake. What is up with that?
MisUnderstanding Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 So this woman I asked out wants to do coffee for our first date. I HATE doing coffee for the first date because its so impersonal and informal. I love getting coffee with friends just not a first date. Besides talking what else is there to do? Totally ruins the first kiss appeal. Any advice for coffee dates? "Coffee" provides room for quick backing out. If the date doesn't go well, she can end it easily. Not necessarily how she feels about you, maybe she's used to bad first dates. You can agree to coffee and then (after you had enough) ask her to do something else - movie, walk, etc. If she agrees, you're in luck, if not well at least it was just short coffee date.
Author Ihavenoidea Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 (edited) I know right? I usually always do like a ball game or the zoo or something, something social but fun. I do that so I can back out and enjoy something else besdies my date if she is lame rather than trying to be friendly and awkward She asked what I wanted to do and I said the zoo or maybe dinner and mentioned some restaraunts. She then said coffee and made a recommendation to some coffee shop. Why does she think i like coffee anyway? Never said i liked it and she never saw me drink any. lol i think ill just bail haha Edited May 31, 2010 by Ihavenoidea
Green Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Just sugest what you want to do then. I once had a first date that was at a coffee place that turned out fine. We both got a drink, then we took a walk and there was plenty of oportunities for a kiss.
Author Ihavenoidea Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 well I think ill try it out, the place seems cool, Ill try it. but i think it will be me that will try and make a quick exit. Like I said I threw up some options and she came back with coffee. We will see.
westrock Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Like I said I threw up some options and she came back with coffee. We will see. You said earlier that you don't like going to coffee dates, but is the real issue that you are disappointed she did not choose one of your suggested options?
Ronni_W Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 She asked what I wanted to do and I said the zoo or maybe dinner and mentioned some restaraunts. She then said coffee and made a recommendation to some coffee shop. Hhmmm. She's either playing it safe-cautious -- which, these days I can't fault when it's a first date....some people are more cautious than others, is all...and they're entitled to that, of course. Or she's really rather boring. Like, who gives up the zoo in favour of coffee? Well, yeah...those cautious people. But you know what I mean.
lab_brat Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 do you have to stay at the coffee place? can't you get takeaway coffees and go for a walk on the beach or something???
Toki Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I never consider the Coffee meet up a date, more like a casual "I want to see what you're all about, and then I'll decide if we should do something fun." Stems from the fact, that I have tried doing interesting first dates before, and they turn out ruinous because of some incompatibility... and I just blew like 60+ Dollars. If I was made out of money, maybe I'd consider a nice dinner or something, but as it stands, I'm a broke college student, who lives paycheck to paycheck, and spending any large amount of money had better be worth my time.
Lakeside_runner Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I second Toki on that one. If I don't know a girl why would I risk taking her out only to realize later that she's into something completely different than I chose for the first date. Coffee + a walk along the lake or on the beach is a good opportunity to get to know each other better and see if going out and doing something would be fun or not. I always imagined that coffee dates are supposed to be short, like 1 hour tops, but for some reason we always have so much fun just talking that it drags out for 2-3 hours . Yes, you run into a danger of stalling the conversation and awkward moments of silence but it's not much different to the same problem during a dinner date i.e. you shouldn't have this problem at all.
Hot Carl Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I went for coffee yesterday morning after my run. I sat outside for a while and enjoyed the spring weather. There was (there often is) a couple at a table nearby who were meeting for the first time. It sounded like a job interview but one where you have to be engaging. It's kind of funny how one person or the other ends up talking most of the time. In this case it was the guy. The girl would ask a short question and he would on for at least a few minutes. As a result I know a heck of a lot about him, but not a whole lot about her. Too bad. She was pretty cute.
Kris30 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Did you meet online or is it a blind date? If that's the case she could just be planning in case you guys just don't click. With online dating when I'm having a first meeting with someone I like to keep it short in case it doesn't go so well. Then if we hit it off I extend it. I like to save fun stuff (putt putt, zoo, etc.) for 2nd dates.
tami-chan Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 "Coffee" provides room for quick backing out. If the date doesn't go well, she can end it easily. Not necessarily how she feels about you, maybe she's used to bad first dates. You can agree to coffee and then (after you had enough) ask her to do something else - movie, walk, etc. If she agrees, you're in luck, if not well at least it was just short coffee date. No not movies! you can't talk in the movies. Not walk, either. What if you want out and you are far away from your car? take her to an Art Museum or something similar-you can talk, walk around then have dinner/drinks afterward.
somedude81 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 How do you avoid turning a coffee date into an interview? What are the best topics to talk about?
Author Ihavenoidea Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 She couldnt make it so we are going to reschedule. I'll try the coffee out, it may not be as bad as I am expecting. It's in the city so maybe some coffee and a walk would be good.
SomewhatExperienced Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I like doing coffee for first dates, specifically because all you can do it talk, but it's also light and non-committal. If the girl does give me one or two words answers I can always end it early and move on. It doesn't cost a lot. For me the first date, I never expect anything to happen other than figure out if a second date it worth it. If I ask for a second date and she says yes, it's kinda like a green like to make a move on the next date because if she said yes, than at least she's interested.
Hot Carl Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 It's going to be harder for you to get away with slipping something into her drink at a coffee shop. You should really meet her at a bar.
PhillyDude Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I'm not a big fan of coffee as a first date either...not only will you both be rockin' the coffee breath, as you've already mentioned , but there really is nothing to do except talk...and there will be a higher likelihood of awkward silent moments where both parties feel compelled to fill it...with anything... Where did you meet her, and do you both already know a little something about each other? Have you already gotten all the "interview"-esque questions out of the way...? That's the problem with coffee dates...it becomes much to easy to turn into an interview...especially if there's nothing situational going on in the coffee place to talk about besides yourselves... I actually prefer dinner or some activity like pool...it gives you something to do in between conversation but is an environment where you can still talk as much as you'd like... How is going to dinner any different than metting for coffee? You are still at a table talking to each other
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