ForumPoster Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I am 23 and have been dating a girl since I was 21. She was the first and only girl I have had sex with (personal, non-religious choice I am now regretting). I am very sexual and often aroused. She, on the other hand, was turned off of sex by the only other guy she has had sex with (at 17), and has a phobia around sex ever since. I was the first guy in 4 years she slept with. She was never physically abused or anything, she just thought he was bad in bed and hates it when guys ask her for sex/pressure her, including me. When we first had sex it was 1-3 times a week. Then it became 0-1 time a week. Then we had our first month without sex. Now it's completely random, but not near frequent. Note: She absolutely loves sex when she's having it. I keep going until she orgasms (clitoral rubbing during sex) every single time we have it. She just gets super turned off when I try and seduce her, when I talk about wanting sex, when I do anything except wait for her to give me a strong signal that she wants it. She lists feeling full, feeling tired, living with parents, as frequent reasons. She'll freak out if I try and have a nice discussion about it. What the hell do I do. I've been trying to be a hero. I love her, but I am constantly sexually frustrated. To set the context: I am considered to be well-dressed, witty and physically attractive. Although other women occasionally start hitting on me, I don't want to cheat on her.
brainygirl Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 she sounds like she isn't ready for a sexual relationship.
crimsonmike Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 You're not doing something lame like asking for it are you? That ain't gonna work. If you're getting her ramped up with 10-20 minutes of foreplay and she still ain't into it, you got a problem. It doesn't matter how much you love her, sooner of later a lack of sex will kill your relationship. If she won't talk about it, you don't have many options that I can see. I don't think anybody on the net is going to have any meaningful advice for you on this one. Sorry, and good luck. I'm at least as clueless on this one as you are.
legallyblonde289 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 i think the only options you have are counseling or break up:mad: hopefully she'll agree to counseling.
somedude81 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 What are your plans with this girl? You've been dating her for two years. Personally, I think you are way too young to be stuck with a girl who doesn't want to have sex.
make me believe Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 She'll freak out if I try and have a nice discussion about it. I'd seriously consider ending the relationship if I were you. Not only will she not have sex with you, giving you lame excuses like "I'm too full", but she won't even TALK about it when you try to fix the problem. That's unacceptable to me. She doesn't seem to think this is a problem, because she isn't the sexually frustrated one. She doesn't care about you enough to make your problem hers. A loving, caring partner would look at this situation and try to come up with a reasonable compromise (sex "x" times a week), fix their lack of libido, SOMETHING! Go over to the marriage & LTR forum and read some of the MANY threads about sexless marriages. Your relationship is headed into that territory if you don't do something about it now. somedude is right that you are way too young to be stuck in a sexless relationship. Your girlfriend should have fixed whatever sexual issues she has before she gets involved with anyone because it's completely unfair to you.
Green Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Personaly I need some passion in a relationship. I would stick it out with a girl I loved for a few months to a year max if she wasn't giving regular sex. Atleast once a week preferably twice a week would be best... Heck if you have a gf it should atleast be once a month. Just sit your gf down and be selfish for a change... "I want to be with you, but the way things are I don't see it happening, I'm a sexual person and when I have a gf I want to have sex on a regular basis..." then ask her for once or twice a week or what ever you need. Most likely you need to break up with her and start persuing other women. Its the only real fix
Engadget Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 i think the only options you have are counseling or break up:mad: hopefully she'll agree to counseling. If you're at the point where you need counseling, just break up. I've never met anyone who benefited from it in the long term, it's a waste.
bac Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 If she does not want to have sex with you, it is not a good sign. Either she has low sex drive in general, or low sex drive for you. IMO she is not the type of girl who has high sex drive at young age.
Pfiend101 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 If shes full she can still give you a bj. My experience tells me when the sex stops the relationship is close behind it. My ex wanted to get it on like rabbits at first then it tapered to nothing. Then she dumped my ass. I would always get lame excuses like "im tired". tread lightly sir
summerl0vesyou Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 i agree with everything said. it sounds like you need to do something about it now, especially before ever thinking of marriage etc, you dont want to be in a marriage like that. I was with someone and he would never have sex, we only lasted 4 mths...i tried so hard, like you, to just deal with it....but everyone has needs. idk what you can do though..i dont think you should end it but the niceness needs to stop. you have to seriously voice your concerns and tell her that she needs to hear it.. then suggest either A: having sex more or B: seeing a counselor. if she refuses to do either, tell her that you're going to try but if things dont change theres a chance you might leave, because an rship does involve sex, otherwise ud just be friends. (Sex thats not just every once in a great while to me barely counts, except if ur married...though i dont want my marriage to be like that at all)
BS76 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I am 23 and have been dating a girl since I was 21. She was the first and only girl I have had sex with (personal, non-religious choice I am now regretting). I am very sexual and often aroused. She, on the other hand, was turned off of sex by the only other guy she has had sex with (at 17), and has a phobia around sex ever since. I was the first guy in 4 years she slept with. She was never physically abused or anything, she just thought he was bad in bed and hates it when guys ask her for sex/pressure her, including me. When we first had sex it was 1-3 times a week. Then it became 0-1 time a week. Then we had our first month without sex. Now it's completely random, but not near frequent. Note: She absolutely loves sex when she's having it. I keep going until she orgasms (clitoral rubbing during sex) every single time we have it. She just gets super turned off when I try and seduce her, when I talk about wanting sex, when I do anything except wait for her to give me a strong signal that she wants it. She lists feeling full, feeling tired, living with parents, as frequent reasons. She'll freak out if I try and have a nice discussion about it. What the hell do I do. I've been trying to be a hero. I love her, but I am constantly sexually frustrated. To set the context: I am considered to be well-dressed, witty and physically attractive. Although other women occasionally start hitting on me, I don't want to cheat on her. Either she's bored with you and you don't attract her, or she's cheating. Either way it's time to cut bait IMO. Besides, you're waaaaaay too young to be settling into a serious relationship. Go out and have fun. When you're 27-33 then start looking at getting married. By then all the really big changes in your life will have taken place and you'll be in a much better position to know what kind of woman that's a match for you. The added benefit is that at that age you'll be as desirable as women are in their late teens/early 20s. The entire desirability paradigm starts to flip-flop in your late 20s/early 30s.
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