Andrew711 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I have been noticing my girlfriend acting distant and getting annoyed at me for little insignificant things over the last few weeks. I initially just brushed it off but after a couple weeks I knew something was up. I asked her last night if everything was ok and she said she realised she had been acting weird lately but she didn't know why. Anyway she came over and we had a talk and she started crying she says she loves me and i'm the best boyfriend she has ever had but there is something wrong and she doesn't know what. I find this hard to understand how can she not know what is wrong? We never fight and get along really well, it's a pretty laid back relationship seeing each other a few times a week and still allowing time to see our friends and doing our own thing. I was quite upset when she told me this because in the past I could tell she was madly in love with me she was always so happy to see me. But now little things i used to do that she would laugh at she finds annoying. Our sex life has lessened significantly over the past few months aswell. She said she doesn't want to break up and when i mentioned last night that maybe that is the best thing if that is how she is feeling she started bawling her eyes out. She is a really amazing girl and i think the world of her and I know she hasn't done this to hurt me but it was so out of left field and has left me feeling sick. I couldn't sleep at all last night, she says she still loves me and I love her but now I feel as though this is unfair on me. I feel like I can't act like myself around her anymore and I don't know what she is thinking. If she keeps feeling like this then there is no other option than to end it is there? She says I have done nothing wrong and she feels really mean for feeling like this. I asked her how we can fix it but she doesn't kow what to do because she doesn't know what the problem is. I'm really confused what should I do about this. Thanks.
Ronni_W Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 If she keeps feeling like this then there is no other option than to end it is there? No, there really isn't. Until she figures out what is the problem, there is no way at all to address it..nevermind try to resolve it. I'd suggest to trust her that she does not consciously know what the problem is. That is, accept that, right now, it's nothing more than an "intuitive/gut sense" for her. The thing is, those can be deadly accurate. If you can see your way clear, cut her loose entirely -- and, if you'd like her to, ask her to get back in touch with you once she's figured it out. It is her responsibility to do that, and you're not obligated to hang around while she's doing it. Tell her to take all the time she needs. Right now, she needs the support of her girlfriends and/or a therapist. Don't let yourself get caught in either of those categories. You can have understanding and compassion for her predicament without stepping into the role that a therapist or a girlfriend would fulfill. Don't abandon yourself and don't become a doormat. Is my strong recommendation. (For the record, I am a girl.)
Author Andrew711 Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 Thanks, Yes I understand the doormat part and I wont let that happen, but I feel if I was to break up with her I would want it to be for good. Maybe i'm wrong but if she is having these feelings now and we were to break up and I had to deal with all the breakup nonsense and get myself on the road to recovery then giving it another shot could end the same in a much shorter time frame than the last. The first time everything is new and you are getting to know each other and it is exciting, if we were to give it a second crack I would still feel in the back of my head she might start feeling like this again, getting over the relationship once is hard enough. Thank you for your advice.
Ronni_W Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 We broke up I'm sorry to hear that, Andrew. Even though you were already intellectually aware that, given her current head-heart space, a break-up was 'necessary'...emotionally it's still very difficult to deal with. Sending hugs and Healing.
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