jenifer1972 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I thought your lines were quite clever and you obviously are very literate, and that is a big plus. I think you should get a dating coach, and do some role playing until this doesn't give you a panic attack. Sort of "extinction of fear by repetition". But your lines aren't lame, you just choke a bit once you are in the water about chest deep.
Cracker Jack Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I think you did great. I know the pain of being overwhelmed by a woman's beauty; especially when the shades come off. It really is rough to try to continue on with the chills flowing through your body, though. You still did well regardless, and you even went on to approach another woman. I wish I could do that. Btw, ignore the two girls snickering. When people are bored, they like to sit around and poke fun at others.
SarahRose Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I'm so sick of hearing, "stop thinking of women as objects." Here's the thing; until a guy gets to know a girl (before he ever speaks to her and learned anything about her) she IS an object. Before they've even spoke, he has NOTHING to go by except what she looks like. How else is a guy supposed to see anything else "but an object with a number (1-10) attached"? Please tell me what an "enlightened" approach looks like. If you thought of women as human beings, you would already be very comfortable talking to women and have plenty of women friends. You wouldn't be scared of of your mind to talk to one. How about just talking to women in general in everyday life and talk and then you will actually learn how to relate to us.
USMCHokie Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 If you thought of women as human beings, you would already be very comfortable talking to women and have plenty of women friends. You wouldn't be scared of of your mind to talk to one. How about just talking to women in general in everyday life and talk and then you will actually learn how to relate to us. Exactly. Stop approaching and talking to women with the sole intent of trying to bed them. Talk just to talk. This way, you'll talk to more women (as you won't ignore those you aren't attracted to), and you'll be more comfortable talking with them because you're not worried about rejection.
SarahRose Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Exactly. Stop approaching and talking to women with the sole intent of trying to bed them. Talk just to talk. This way, you'll talk to more women (as you won't ignore those you aren't attracted to), and you'll be more comfortable talking with them because you're not worried about rejection. Just adding on to USMC is saying The way you guys come across is that there is no point to ever talk to a woman unless you are attracted her. THAT my friend is what the turn off is for us women. You don't want to get to know us. You don't care. When I have 10 guys a day coming up and trying to talk to me, it gets old and it is so fake. I know that if a kid or another woman or an elderly couple or elderly man comes up and talks to me, they genuinely want to make conversation, not just trying to think of the most clever thing to say to get in my pants. Make sense OP
Author Don'tWannabeAWannabe Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 Just adding on to USMC is saying The way you guys come across is that there is no point to ever talk to a woman unless you are attracted her. THAT my friend is what the turn off is for us women. You don't want to get to know us. You don't care. When I have 10 guys a day coming up and trying to talk to me, it gets old and it is so fake. I know that if a kid or another woman or an elderly couple or elderly man comes up and talks to me, they genuinely want to make conversation, not just trying to think of the most clever thing to say to get in my pants. Make sense OP No that doesn't make sense. I'm talking to her because I'm attracted to her and want to get to know her. I can't willingly turn my feelings of attraction on and off like a light switch or a faucet. It's just the way it is. That's how it is with the vast majority of men in world. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I don't understand why you think it is.
Kamille Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I'm so sick of hearing, "stop thinking of women as objects." Here's the thing; until a guy gets to know a girl (before he ever speaks to her and learned anything about her) she IS an object. Reversed genders to test the sentence: until a girl gets to know a guy (before she ever speaks to him and learned anything about him) he IS an object. Does that feel good? Simple error in logic: no she's not an object, she's a human being. Just like you. She doesn't hold some magical power over you. So talk to women the same way you would talk to your (guy) buddies. It's not more complicated than that.
USMCHokie Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 No that doesn't make sense. I'm talking to her because I'm attracted to her and want to get to know her. I can't willingly turn my feelings of attraction on and off like a light switch or a faucet. It's just the way it is. That's how it is with the vast majority of men in world. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I don't understand why you think it is. You're right, there's nothing wrong with that at all. But I don't think you understand what she and I are trying to get at...the whole point is that you should be equally comfortable talking with a friendly elderly lady or a very attractive girl that you want to ask out...it's not about "turning off attraction" and treating a girl like you don't want her...it's about treating everyone the same, whether you find them attractive or not... What Sarah is getting at is that you seem to only want to talk to attractive women...why not tell us a story about how you talked to the elderly lady while standing in line at the grocery store...? You want to know something...? When I went on a cruise by myself last winter, I noticed something...when I chatted up everyone and anyone, regardless of who they were...young, old, male, female, single, coupled, attractive, not so attractive, this actually got A LOT of attention from women...and they'd actually either be interested in joining in the conversation with me or approaching me later on in some random place to talk... When women see that you're friendly and both willing and able to hold a conversation with anyone and not exclusively seek out attractive women, they notice this...
Kamille Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 No that doesn't make sense. I'm talking to her because I'm attracted to her and want to get to know her. I can't willingly turn my feelings of attraction on and off like a light switch or a faucet. It's just the way it is. That's how it is with the vast majority of men in world. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I don't understand why you think it is. Okay, here is the issue that I see: your approaches are absolutely goal-oriented. That's why you're constantly evaluating the approaches and feeling like you're chocking up. Your goal in approaching these women seems to be to get into their pants. It's like because she's a 10 or whatever, your main goal is to impress with some witty remarks, instead of getting to know her. I know from experience (of getting approached), that guys who are stuck on trying to impress do choke. It could be because they have too much riding on the interaction and are too busy measuring and thinking about their performance to actually be present in the moment. Other guys seem more at ease and can tease and just be in the moment, all while demonstrating interest in who I am. I get the impression it's because these men haven't reduced me to being "a hottie I must date" but rather "a hottie I must get to know and maybe if we click I'll ask out". See the difference? In the second scenario, the one where you approach hot women as women, you don't actually surrender yourself all at once. You have some agency and the girl also has a space where she can try and impress you. Also, I don't exactly know why, but a guy who tries to impress without getting to know me (also) is a turn off. It comes off as being inexperienced. Men who've had healthy relationships with women and consider women as just other human beings like themselves can usually interact in a more interactive way. They also offer chances for the women to shine, not just themselves.
counterman Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I agree with what USMCHokie, Kamille and Sarah said. With myself, I meet new people everyday. Whether I am attracted to them or not does not matter when I am having a conversation with them. If I do find a girl attractive, I like to see if there is more to her. I like to get to know her a little, to see if we click. Its usually light and fun bantering, as I learn more about her and she learns more about me. Then, I may ask her out. If she seems reluctant or is rude, I would not ask her out. If I don't feel that we click, I would not ask her out, despite her being attractive. With someone going into an approach with the thought to impress... sooner or later you will get caught out. I do not like preplanned approaches where I think of what I have to say. There is some really good advice. Particularly, talking to a girl with the sole purpose of just having a conversation, and nothing else, and also not just approaching the attractive girls. This builds a far healthier way of interacting with people and it allows you to shine without you even trying to. When someone sees the fun side of you, they want to be around you. The best approaches are the ones where the guy is relaxed and just treating her as a good guy friend.
marsle85 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 You always have some snide/snippy quip but very little constructive criticism. You're too sensitive. I didn't intend for my comment to be snippy or snide.
Lakeside_runner Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I hate the whole concept of "approaching girls". This is like, both sides know what's going on but they pretend that they don't. The guy has the goal of getting the girl's phone number, the girl knows he's talking to her to get her phone number etc. but they play this game of "let's talk about the book" or "awww... your puppy is so cute!". Two scenarios: 1. There is a girl sitting and reading a book. You were thinking of reading that book and you walk up to her, ask her about the book because you're interested in the book. Then you realize, the girl is cute and you actually enjoy talking to her. At the end you ask for phone number but this wasn't your initial intent. 2. There is a girl sitting and reading a book. You think she's cute. You don't care about the book but you're going to use it as an ice-breaker/conversation-starter. Your intent is to get her phone number. I'm pretty sure that in a very high percentage of situations girls can sense if it's 1 or 2. As for the hair-salon thing. If I were a girl and some random guy who just had vodka on the rocks would ask me to join him by saying "Save the $40.00 and have a Martini" - I'd be like "Leave me alone!". Finally, the whole act of "approaching girls" is something like in this clip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsA8TF02s7I
Left in a Lurch Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Just adding on to USMC is saying The way you guys come across is that there is no point to ever talk to a woman unless you are attracted her. THAT my friend is what the turn off is for us women. You don't want to get to know us. You don't care. When I have 10 guys a day coming up and trying to talk to me, it gets old and it is so fake. I know that if a kid or another woman or an elderly couple or elderly man comes up and talks to me, they genuinely want to make conversation, not just trying to think of the most clever thing to say to get in my pants. Make sense OP What's wrong with someone wanting to talk to you because you are attractive? How else would you ever get a chance to date someone you are attracted to unless you talk to her, wait until she walks over to you, which will never happen? Some women think because they are slightly attractive it means any guy that tries to initiate a conversation has an overwhelming need to get in their pants like it is holy grail of genitals. They are just as bad as a guy that assigns numbers. The truth is you don't know what the guy wants until you get to know each other. If someone wants to get to know you and has the burden of making the first move they are going to try to break the ice and put you at ease by making you smile, or laugh, or giving a compliment. Is it a crime men want someone they are attracted to? If they smile and say, "Hi, I'm Jim", they still get the f*ck off look because it is assumed it means, "Jim need see girl naked now. You girl, show Jim." Just because you are attractive doesn't mean every guy wants in your pants right away, it means they are talking to you because they find you attractive and have the burden of taking the initiative to start a conversation with someone they are looking to possibly date. By the way, "or elderly man comes up and talks to me"....elderly men look at you one way, they are not being as nice as you think. They are just a lot more practiced at looking at your ass without being caught. They all look at it, trust me. Then they tell their friends about it over and over.
Els Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 No that doesn't make sense. I'm talking to her because I'm attracted to her and want to get to know her. I can't willingly turn my feelings of attraction on and off like a light switch or a faucet. It's just the way it is. That's how it is with the vast majority of men in world. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I don't understand why you think it is. Is it working well for you? If it is, then there is nothing wrong with it. But it doesn't appear to be.
Kamille Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 What's wrong with someone wanting to talk to you because you are attractive? How else would you ever get a chance to date someone you are attracted to unless you talk to her, wait until she walks over to you, which will never happen? Some women think because they are slightly attractive it means any guy that tries to initiate a conversation has an overwhelming need to get in their pants like it is holy grail of genitals. They are just as bad as a guy that assigns numbers. The truth is you don't know what the guy wants until you get to know each other. If someone wants to get to know you and has the burden of making the first move they are going to try to break the ice and put you at ease by making you smile, or laugh, or giving a compliment. Is it a crime men want someone they are attracted to? Oh get over it already guys! OF course we expect you to approach women you find attractive. I think you're intentionally being obtuse, perhaps because approaching girls yields a high rejection rate. No one is saying there's something wrong with approaching people you find attractive. I did it and ended up with my boyfriend . But DWWB comes off as someone who thinks he has to impress "hotties" instead of trying to get to know them just like he would anybody else. And, the thing is, trying to impress a girl rarely works. Try to think of times when someone was putting themselves at your mercy for approval. You can sense it right? Didn't it make you uncomfortable? Your approach style, getting to know someone, sounds a lot more healthy. So, in that, you actually agree with what I understand use to be saying. If they smile and say, "Hi, I'm Jim", they still get the f*ck off look because it is assumed it means, "Jim need see girl naked now. You girl, show Jim." Just because you are attractive doesn't mean every guy wants in your pants right away, it means they are talking to you because they find you attractive and have the burden of taking the initiative to start a conversation with someone they are looking to possibly date. By the way, "or elderly man comes up and talks to me"....elderly men look at you one way, they are not being as nice as you think. They are just a lot more practiced at looking at your ass without being caught. They all look at it, trust me. Then they tell their friends about it over and over. I'm sorry if you've had such horrid experiences, but I doubt that sums up all experiences you've had with women. Of course some women don't want to be approached. But others are more polite I hope (I know I am)
jamal Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Wow. dude keeps on approaching girls in public and hopping that statistically it would increase his odds. This is a game we played as teenagers at the mall when my friends and I would compete to see who gets the most phone numbers. Works for teenagers but not after mid 20s. While women enjoy the attention of getting hit on in public, they never take such guys seriously and your chances of getting a phone number are really slim, let alone a date. Do not go out on a mission to approach as many random girls as you can. That is an inefficient allocation of resources. You are better off browsing profiles on a dating website since all those women are explicitly looking for some form of a relationship. The girl on the street might not be looking for a relationship or might be taken. If you are to hit on a strange girl out there make sure that the conditions are very conducive. Usually through body language and reading a woman's eyes. Learn to pay attention.
Cracker Jack Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Approaching women outside is far better than hitting them up on a social networking profile. No comparison.
Green Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I found these two videos on youtube, might lighten the mood and show you the funny side of hitting on girls and heres another I don't know what's wrong with me. I KNOW you all said I should be proud for trying to break out of my shell for trying to start conversations with women in public' date=' but I get flustered, choke up and panic so easily that I really don't know if I'm making any progress. I approached the 3rd and 4th girl I did in the past few weeks today but I didn't even get to the part of exchanging names.[/quote'] You should be proud... You also need to learn how to have FUN with this. Stop STRESSING and ENJOY meeting some one new who just happens to be a BEAUTIFUL STRANGER. The first situation happened at one of those out-door shopping plazas (not a strip mall). There was an outdoor court in the center with seats everywhere. I was outside having some iced-tea and reading. I saw this beautiful girl' date=' (a solid 10) with one of those giant sunglasses reading "Infidel" by Ayaan Hirsi Ali. [/quote'] Stop giving girls ratings 1/10... simply ask yourself do I find her PRETTY. If the answer to that question is yes then you go in and get to know that BEAUTIFUL STRANGER. I had read the book a while back, and I thought this would be a good conversation topic, but there was another girl sitting at the table beside her; not AS attractive but still pretty cute (an 8 comparatively). It was difficult to chose who to talk to; knowing that if I blow it with one, the other would overhear and I'd blow it with her too. The 10 was reading a book I had read, but I know that 10's are more discriminating and may be more defensive than girls who are 9's or 8's, so I really thought about going for the 8. Then I remembered a rule developed by one of those online Pickup Artists named "Braddock" called "The Waterfall Rule." Most Pickup Artists suggest that guys practice conversing and asking out average-looking girls and slowly work his way up to more attractive women, but Braddock suggests the opposite. You should start by trying to converse with and ask out the most-attractive women you can find (the "top of the waterfall") and work your way down for 2 reasons; 1) If you can learn to attract a 10, then you can easily get 9's and 8's. 2) Everyone expects 10's to be discriminating and choosy about men, so people will be more forgiving if they see a guy rejected by a girl who's model-gorgeous. However, it looks really bad to be rejected by an average looking girl. So I decided to go for the 10 who was reading the book. I went up and said "Excuse me. I couldn't help but notice you're reading Infidel, right?" She said "Yeah I am." And then I said "Yeah, I read that about a year and a half ago. Did you just start?" Like I said before, DON'T RATE GIRLS OUT OF 10... If there are two girls sitting next to eachother and you would LIKE TO HIT ON BOTH... ALWAYS>...ALWAYS go after the girl you like more.... NEVER go after a lesser girl because you think it will more likely work out. THE WATERFALL stuff sounds like made up crap used to sell books or speeches to people. REMEMBER... only ask yourself one question... DO I FIND HER ATTRACTIVE... IF THE ANSWER IS YES TO TWO GIRLS AND YOU CAN ONLY GO AFTER ONE... ALWAYS GO AFTER THE ONE YOU HAVE A PErSONAL PREFERENCE FOR!!! ALWAYS... SO GOOD JOB.. Plus if the girls are in a group togather and one of the girls begins to give you negative signals while the other girl you found attractive seems to like you ... then you can always shift your focus. She took off her sunglasses and looked me eye to eye and asked "Yes I did' date=' how is it?" And from here I started to fumble. Those sunglasses were hiding a lot of her face, but when she took them off, I really was overwhelmed by how beautiful she was. I started to shift my eyes and I felt my face twitch a couple of times, but I continued to talk. [/quote'] Thats GREAT... I LOVE IT WHEN A GIRL OVERWHELMS ME WITH HER PRESENCE... ITS A WONDERFUL FEELING... BY THE WAY... GREAT!!!! GREAT sign that she took off her sunglasses... I think it meant she may have been giving you a real shot I said "Well' date=' it's not the book you can really, I dunno, [b']enjoy[/b] because it's really dark. It's really tragic how women in that part of the world suffer. Have you read 10 Years Old And Divorced?" She said "No I haven't." I still was pretty shaken, but decided to continue speaking. I said "It's pretty similar. It's about a 10 year old girl in Yemen who gets forced into an arranged marriage so it's pretty similar." I then felt stupid for having repeated myself. My eyes were still shifting and parts of my face still twitched. She said "Yeah, well. I just felt the need to read something a bit inspirational." I said "Oh yeah, it IS inspirational. It's pretty sad, but she escapes to Europe in the end so it's a happy ending. You wouldn't be holding the book in your hand if it wasn't, right?" And then I laughed. She then said "Yeah, I guess you're right." I just felt awkward for laughing. I know it seems stupid, but going up to this model-perfect girl and trying to start a random conversation with people overhearing within earshot was harrowing. It was over 90 degrees out but I felt chills; I literally felt cold. I had completely run out of things to say and didn't know how the proceed, and I still couldn't control my eyes or my facial expressions, so I just turned, waved and said "Well. Enjoy." And she said "Thanks" and got back to her book. FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE.... FIrstly, next time you talk to a girl about a book she is still reading ... try not to give away the ending... Secondly it is awkward to laugh at your own coments... but get over it... so what if you weren't completly smooth and people could over hear it... ITS GOOD WHEN PEOPLE OVER HEAR... MEANS YOUR TALKING LOUD ENOUGH>.. WHY??????????????? WHY DO YOU ALWAYS WALK AWAY WITH OUT TRYING TO GET A NUMBER OR MORE IMPORTANTLY ...........FLIRTING!!! You need to FLIRT AND ASK HER OUT ON A DATE............ If you were expecting to go up to this girl and give away the end of the book, laugh to yourself and then have her ask you out on a date and then make sure you guys exchanged contact infor you are being silly. YOU NEED TO ASK THE GIRL OUT ON A DATE... YOU NEED TO GET HER CONTACT INFO>>>>>>>>> I needed to get out of there. I felt shell-shocked' date=' but before I left, I made a mental-note of the other girl who was sitting at the table beside her and told myself, "Okay, if you see her again, DON'T talk to her until after a few weeks." [/quote'] Of COURSE YOU FELT SHOCKED... YOU NEED TO HAVE FUN WITH THIS... GO IN WITH NO EXPECTATIONS... FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT RANDOM STRANGErS ARE GOING TO THINK OF YOU WHO ARE LISTENING IN. GREAT job by the way making a mental note of the other girl but really the only girl. I USED TO BE LIKE YOU... Hitting on women used to be such a scary traumatic experience... I too used to obsess and get upset about blowing it with a girl and worry about what other strangers who might be overhearing thought about it. One time I was going through the STARBUX drive through... and a really hot girl was at the window... SO what did I do... I try to ask her out... but then I started to panic and get nervouse... she takes my credit card and rings me up... then gives me my card and receipt back... I drive foward... only to hit the breaks and realize that I forgot to get my drink.. I was so nervouse I forgot my drink and had to pull back to get it ... Flash foward to a little bit in the future and I learned to enjoy myself and have no expectations... a girl could scream "NO LOSER" to me in a bar and I would simply find it funny. YOU NEED TO WORK ON RELAXING AND ENJOYING YOURSELF AND NOT EXPECTING ANY PARTICULAR RESULTS... MOST OF ALL YOU NEED TO FACE YOUR FEAR OF REJECTION AND ACTUALY ASK OUT AND FLIRT WITH THESE GIRLS...GET SOME CONTACT INFO After that ordeal, all I needed was a drink, so I just power-walked 2 blocks, and settled in at an outdoor bar. Next to the bar, there was a hair salon. After having pounded down a vodka on the rocks, I was feeling more relaxed and more at ease and less, I dunno, "thunder-struck" by the event. I regretted not talking to her more or even getting her name and number, but I was having trouble just controlling what my body was doing. I couldn't keep my eyes from shifting left and right. I couldn't keep my cheek and eyebrow from twitching. As I was talking to her, I felt like my voice would crack or that I would stammer any second. I really thought about going back to that center court and saying something like, "Hey, I'm really regret not getting your name before. I'm _______ blank. Would you like to get an iced tea sometime" or something like that, but I thought that would look lame, so I stayed at the outdoor bar. You should have gone back... Look GIRLS LOVE IT WHEN A GUY IS NERVOUSE YET CONFIDENT.... Seriously just keep pushing through your eye spasms and cracking voice... AND ASK THE GIRL OUT... YOU DON"T HAVE TO BE CASANOVA A girl walked out of the hair salon talking on the phone, telling a friend she was waiting for a hair-appointment. I thought this was a good-way to start a conversation. As soon as she hung up, and feeling more confident after a drink, I said, "Excuse me. I couldn't help but overhear. You're waiting for a hair-appointment?" She looked at me and said "Yeah I am." I replied, "Pfffft. You're hair's lovely already! You don't need a hair appointment!" She smiled and said "Aww thank you." I then said "Yeah, save yourself $40. Come have a martini instead." She just smiled and said "I'm fine. Thank you though," and walked back in. It was then that I noticed that at the other end of the patio, these 2 girls just snickered while glancing at me. I then felt a chill up my spine; it was one of those "Oh-crap-what-have-I-done?" moments. I just went inside and chilled at the bar. I think you would have been better off flirting with her and then asking her if she wanted to do something after the hair cut. After she said no you should have been like "Here let me get your number and we will do something some other time" then after you get her number you txt her or call her and see if she wants to get dinner tommorow night. As for the snickering girls... Who cares. I once sat down on a bus and this girl groaned like she wished I hadn't sat next to her... I was like "Whats the problem" and she didn't answer... felt good to call her out. Don't let little things like that get you down... It happens even to the best of us. Like I said' date=' I really wish I could be proud that I tried to go for these 2 girls, but at that same time, I'm so frustrated that I fumble up so quickly and easily before I even have a chance to introduce myself and get her name. How can I possibly progress at this rate? [/quote'] First off YOU SHOULD BE PROUD... SECOND YOU NEED TO HAVE FUNNNNNNNNN << ALSO STOP EXPEcTiNG SO Much.... and PLEASE ASK THEM OUT... don't just end it at good bye.... IF they say no to the date... still ask them for their number anyways... so you can continue to ask them out till they get tired of it. I'll never approach women in public. EVERY women I know or have talked with in person or online complains about getting hit on by guys in public. They tell me, their friends, people at work the stories about how lame it is that guys approach them in public. I also think the women on here that give you encouragement are just doing it to be nice. Women rarely give true honest opinions, even on forums. They have some uncontrollable urge to always sugar coat everything instead of telling you how they really feel. now watch, there will be a bunch of women that say " oh I'm not like that, I'm always honest and upfront" By that same logic a lot of women complain about their bf/husbands... does that mean you will never date or marry a woman? OP YOU ARE DOING GREAT DON"T LISTEN TO STUFF LIKE THIS
Els Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 As for the snickering girls... Who cares. I once sat down on a bus and this girl groaned like she wished I hadn't sat next to her... I was like "Whats the problem" and she didn't answer... felt good to call her out. Don't let little things like that get you down... It happens even to the best of us. LOL. Sorry, but I found that one a tad funny. :X
TaurusTerp Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 :lmao: Why are you posting this stuff here? You've clearly been reading pickup artist materials, why not post on their forums? Their response will be: You're not approaching enough women. 4 women in 4 weeks, wow, how is that going to help you get over your anxiety? You should be approaching 4 women per hour, if not more.
sweetjasmine Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Here's the thing; until a guy gets to know a girl (before he ever speaks to her and learned anything about her) she IS an object. Um, no. She's a PERSON. Okay, here is the issue that I see: your approaches are absolutely goal-oriented. That's why you're constantly evaluating the approaches and feeling like you're chocking up. Your goal in approaching these women seems to be to get into their pants. It's like because she's a 10 or whatever, your main goal is to impress with some witty remarks, instead of getting to know her. I know from experience (of getting approached), that guys who are stuck on trying to impress do choke. It could be because they have too much riding on the interaction and are too busy measuring and thinking about their performance to actually be present in the moment. Other guys seem more at ease and can tease and just be in the moment, all while demonstrating interest in who I am. I get the impression it's because these men haven't reduced me to being "a hottie I must date" but rather "a hottie I must get to know and maybe if we click I'll ask out". See the difference? In the second scenario, the one where you approach hot women as women, you don't actually surrender yourself all at once. You have some agency and the girl also has a space where she can try and impress you. Also, I don't exactly know why, but a guy who tries to impress without getting to know me (also) is a turn off. It comes off as being inexperienced. Men who've had healthy relationships with women and consider women as just other human beings like themselves can usually interact in a more interactive way. They also offer chances for the women to shine, not just themselves. OP, please read Kamille's post several times over.
SarahRose Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 What's wrong with someone wanting to talk to you because you are attractive? How else would you ever get a chance to date someone you are attracted to unless you talk to her, wait until she walks over to you, which will never happen? Some women think because they are slightly attractive it means any guy that tries to initiate a conversation has an overwhelming need to get in their pants like it is holy grail of genitals. They are just as bad as a guy that assigns numbers. The truth is you don't know what the guy wants until you get to know each other. If someone wants to get to know you and has the burden of making the first move they are going to try to break the ice and put you at ease by making you smile, or laugh, or giving a compliment. Is it a crime men want someone they are attracted to? If they smile and say, "Hi, I'm Jim", they still get the f*ck off look because it is assumed it means, "Jim need see girl naked now. You girl, show Jim." Just because you are attractive doesn't mean every guy wants in your pants right away, it means they are talking to you because they find you attractive and have the burden of taking the initiative to start a conversation with someone they are looking to possibly date. By the way, "or elderly man comes up and talks to me"....elderly men look at you one way, they are not being as nice as you think. They are just a lot more practiced at looking at your ass without being caught. They all look at it, trust me. Then they tell their friends about it over and over. Dear having been a female for nearly 50 years and many of them as a perfect 10 by societies standards and having been hit on many many times, I absolutely know the only reason a man approaches me in public is because he likes how I look and would like to say/do something clever enough for me to have sex with him at some point. I should start a thread on the many ways guys have tried to get my attention.
Author Don'tWannabeAWannabe Posted June 8, 2010 Author Posted June 8, 2010 Okay, here is the issue that I see: your approaches are absolutely goal-oriented. That's why you're constantly evaluating the approaches and feeling like you're chocking up. Your goal in approaching these women seems to be to get into their pants. It's like because she's a 10 or whatever, your main goal is to impress with some witty remarks, instead of getting to know her. I know from experience (of getting approached), that guys who are stuck on trying to impress do choke. It could be because they have too much riding on the interaction and are too busy measuring and thinking about their performance to actually be present in the moment. Other guys seem more at ease and can tease and just be in the moment, all while demonstrating interest in who I am. I get the impression it's because these men haven't reduced me to being "a hottie I must date" but rather "a hottie I must get to know and maybe if we click I'll ask out". See the difference? In the second scenario, the one where you approach hot women as women, you don't actually surrender yourself all at once. You have some agency and the girl also has a space where she can try and impress you. Also, I don't exactly know why, but a guy who tries to impress without getting to know me (also) is a turn off. It comes off as being inexperienced. Men who've had healthy relationships with women and consider women as just other human beings like themselves can usually interact in a more interactive way. They also offer chances for the women to shine, not just themselves. What makes you think this is about "just getting into their pants" without "getting to know her?" How do you abandon the hope/desire for a favored outcome and "be in the moment?" Do you have ANY idea what's it's like for a guy doing the approach? Do you have any idea how to shut off the anxiety and fear? Because it's not likes it's a lightswitch dangling infront of you that you can instantly pull at will whenever you want.
Author Don'tWannabeAWannabe Posted June 8, 2010 Author Posted June 8, 2010 :lmao: Why are you posting this stuff here? You've clearly been reading pickup artist materials, why not post on their forums? Their response will be: You're not approaching enough women. 4 women in 4 weeks, wow, how is that going to help you get over your anxiety? You should be approaching 4 women per hour, if not more. Those forums are flooded by so many thousands of men (99% of which are amateurs) that you're really not going to get any help. A thought out, detailed question will generate an answer from 1 or 2 a novice. You'll never speak with the pros on those sites.
pantherj Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Dear OP: Please stop wasting your time approaching attractive women in public. The women you approach are judging you based on your appearance. Your witty? Who cares? Funny? Go be a stand up comedian. The girl is judging you by your muscle mass, height, and degree of handsomeness. You can't change your height, or your face (assumsing plactic surgery is not an option). You can, however, increase your muscle mass and definition. Make weight lifting your new hobby. The girls who were snickering at you should make you angry. Use that anger as motivation for lifting heavy wieghts on a regular basis. Weight lifting is your best option, and will probably change your life. After you have gained as much muscle mass as you can, go around town and show off. Are girls looking? Call up your friends and throw a party. Talk to the girls at the party. Now you have a fighting chance. The reason you piss yourself while talking to attractive girls is because they don't find you attractive. They are making things hard on you in order to get rid of you. If these same girls found you attractive, then talking to them would be a breeze. They would make it easy for you. Want proof? Pick a '10', any girl you like, and watch how she behaves around a guy she finds attractive. The guy isn't doing anything special. Just sitting/standing there and grunting right? Bingo. He doesn't feel any pressure, because she isn't putting pressure on him. Why? Compare his muscle mass and height to your muscle mass and height. It's usually that simple. Sure 1 in 1,000 attractive girls might go for the guy who isn't big and built, but do you want to play those odds? She might choose income as the deciding factor. Thoughts to avoid: #1) I can win her over by being witty/funny/clever. Go lift weights. #2) If I approach x number of attractive women, then I'm bound to attract at least 1. Nope. Go lift. #3) Attractive women with options are not shallow about how guys look. Don't be silly. Are you rich? #4) Girls who point and laugh at me want me to come over and hit on them. Dear god... #5) Women will tell me the truth about what I should do to get an attractive girl. I'd rather you try to hit on the snickering girls, than listen to women about dating. Say this to yourself every day: "Curls get girls. Attractive girls have sex with muscular men. I need to lift weights today." Go around town without muscle and attractive women will treat you like a beggar. Get ripped and the same girls will treat you like a prince. And if not, then at least you'll have their respect.
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