Approached 2 more girls today, but I STILL choked up and froze...

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

I don't know what's wrong with me. I KNOW you all said I should be proud for trying to break out of my shell for trying to start conversations with women in public, but I get flustered, choke up and panic so easily that I really don't know if I'm making any progress. I approached the 3rd and 4th girl I did in the past few weeks today but I didn't even get to the part of exchanging names.

 

The first situation happened at one of those out-door shopping plazas (not a strip mall). There was an outdoor court in the center with seats everywhere. I was outside having some iced-tea and reading. I saw this beautiful girl, (a solid 10) with one of those giant sunglasses reading "Infidel" by Ayaan Hirsi Ali.

 

I had read the book a while back, and I thought this would be a good conversation topic, but there was another girl sitting at the table beside her; not AS attractive but still pretty cute (an 8 comparatively).

 

It was difficult to chose who to talk to; knowing that if I blow it with one, the other would overhear and I'd blow it with her too. The 10 was reading a book I had read, but I know that 10's are more discriminating and may be more defensive than girls who are 9's or 8's, so I really thought about going for the 8.

 

Then I remembered a rule developed by one of those online Pickup Artists named "Braddock" called "The Waterfall Rule." Most Pickup Artists suggest that guys practice conversing and asking out average-looking girls and slowly work his way up to more attractive women, but Braddock suggests the opposite. You should start by trying to converse with and ask out the most-attractive women you can find (the "top of the waterfall") and work your way down for 2 reasons;

 

1) If you can learn to attract a 10, then you can easily get 9's and 8's.

 

2) Everyone expects 10's to be discriminating and choosy about men, so people will be more forgiving if they see a guy rejected by a girl who's model-gorgeous. However, it looks really bad to be rejected by an average looking girl.

 

So I decided to go for the 10 who was reading the book. I went up and said "Excuse me. I couldn't help but notice you're reading Infidel, right?" She said "Yeah I am." And then I said "Yeah, I read that about a year and a half ago. Did you just start?"

 

She took off her sunglasses and looked me eye to eye and asked "Yes I did, how is it?" And from here I started to fumble. Those sunglasses were hiding a lot of her face, but when she took them off, I really was overwhelmed by how beautiful she was. I started to shift my eyes and I felt my face twitch a couple of times, but I continued to talk.

 

I said "Well, it's not the book you can really, I dunno, enjoy because it's really dark. It's really tragic how women in that part of the world suffer. Have you read 10 Years Old And Divorced?"

 

She said "No I haven't." I still was pretty shaken, but decided to continue speaking. I said "It's pretty similar. It's about a 10 year old girl in Yemen who gets forced into an arranged marriage so it's pretty similar." I then felt stupid for having repeated myself. My eyes were still shifting and parts of my face still twitched.

 

She said "Yeah, well. I just felt the need to read something a bit inspirational." I said "Oh yeah, it IS inspirational. It's pretty sad, but she escapes to Europe in the end so it's a happy ending. You wouldn't be holding the book in your hand if it wasn't, right?" And then I laughed. She then said "Yeah, I guess you're right."

 

I just felt awkward for laughing. I know it seems stupid, but going up to this model-perfect girl and trying to start a random conversation with people overhearing within earshot was harrowing. It was over 90 degrees out but I felt chills; I literally felt cold. I had completely run out of things to say and didn't know how the proceed, and I still couldn't control my eyes or my facial expressions, so I just turned, waved and said "Well. Enjoy." And she said "Thanks" and got back to her book.

 

I needed to get out of there. I felt shell-shocked, but before I left, I made a mental-note of the other girl who was sitting at the table beside her and told myself, "Okay, if you see her again, DON'T talk to her until after a few weeks."

 

(to be continued)

Edited May 31, 2010 by Don'tWannabeAWannabe

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

After that ordeal, all I needed was a drink, so I just power-walked 2 blocks, and settled in at an outdoor bar. Next to the bar, there was a hair salon. After having pounded down a vodka on the rocks, I was feeling more relaxed and more at ease and less, I dunno, "thunder-struck" by the event. I regretted not talking to her more or even getting her name and number, but I was having trouble just controlling what my body was doing. I couldn't keep my eyes from shifting left and right. I couldn't keep my cheek and eyebrow from twitching. As I was talking to her, I felt like my voice would crack or that I would stammer any second.

 

I really thought about going back to that center court and saying something like, "Hey, I'm really regret not getting your name before. I'm _______ blank. Would you like to get an iced tea sometime" or something like that, but I thought that would look lame, so I stayed at the outdoor bar.

 

A girl walked out of the hair salon talking on the phone, telling a friend she was waiting for a hair-appointment. I thought this was a good-way to start a conversation. As soon as she hung up, and feeling more confident after a drink, I said, "Excuse me. I couldn't help but overhear. You're waiting for a hair-appointment?" She looked at me and said "Yeah I am." I replied, "Pfffft. You're hair's lovely already! You don't need a hair appointment!" She smiled and said "Aww thank you."

 

I then said "Yeah, save yourself $40. Come have a martini instead." She just smiled and said "I'm fine. Thank you though," and walked back in. It was then that I noticed that at the other end of the patio, these 2 girls just snickered while glancing at me. I then felt a chill up my spine; it was one of those "Oh-crap-what-have-I-done?" moments. I just went inside and chilled at the bar.

 

Like I said, I really wish I could be proud that I tried to go for these 2 girls, but at that same time, I'm so frustrated that I fumble up so quickly and easily before I even have a chance to introduce myself and get her name. How can I possibly progress at this rate?

[MrNate]

This is cool man! You already do what most guys don't do! I bet if you keep this up and refuse to quit, you will defintiely get more success and become more comfortable in no time!

 

Maybe it's time I stepped it up myself, ha.

[legallyblonde289]

if those girls snickered at you then i feel sorry for them because they obviously have no life. think about that if you ever encounter this again and snicker at them:laugh:

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

if those girls snickered at you then i feel sorry for them because they obviously have no life. think about that if you ever encounter this again and snicker at them:laugh:

 

I really did think about looking straight at them and giving them a mean, obnoxious, high-pitched, mock-girly laugh but I chickened out.

[brainygirl]

I really did think about looking straight at them and giving them a mean' date=' obnoxious, high-pitched, mock-girly laugh but I chickened out. [/quote']

 

They probably deserved it, sounds like they were being rude.

 

I think you're on the right track, but just because you talk to someone doesn't mean they'll automatically be charmed. Remember, dating sucks and takes work.

[marsle85]

I said "Oh yeah' date=' it IS inspirational. It's pretty sad, but she escapes to Europe in the end so it's a happy ending. You wouldn't be holding the book in your hand if it wasn't, right?" [/quote']

 

 

Dude. You spoiled the end of the story for her?!

 

That's the real tragedy here.

[FitChick]

I think you should use opportunities like this to just get more comfortable approaching more women in regular conversation. When you finally reach the point where you don't have chills, sweating, nervous twitches, then you can go to the next step and ask them out because you will be more confident and it will flow naturally. If some guy approached me twitching, sweating and shaking, I'd run the other way!

[Serenitynow]

I'll never approach women in public. EVERY women I know or have talked with in person or online complains about getting hit on by guys in public. They tell me, their friends, people at work the stories about how lame it is that guys approach them in public. I also think the women on here that give you encouragement are just doing it to be nice. Women rarely give true honest opinions, even on forums. They have some uncontrollable urge to always sugar coat everything instead of telling you how they really feel.

 

 

now watch, there will be a bunch of women that say " oh I'm not like that, I'm always honest and upfront"

[SarahRose]

You men are your own worst enemies.

 

If you thought about us women as human beings and not objects with a number attached, you'd be way ahead of the game.

 

I can't help but see the deep self loathing and insecurity by guys who treat women like this.

 

I think getting a 10 girl is more about telling the world you are worthy because you got this hot girl or a new Mercedes or whatever external trapping to show off to the outside world for your own self validation.

 

I think if you were truly happy with yourself it would be easier to find someone to love.

[brainygirl]

You men are your own worst enemies.

 

If you thought about us women as human beings and not objects with a number attached, you'd be way ahead of the game.

 

I can't help but see the deep self loathing and insecurity by guys who treat women like this.

 

I think getting a 10 girl is more about telling the world you are worthy because you got this hot girl or a new Mercedes or whatever external trapping to show off to the outside world for your own self validation.

 

I think if you were truly happy with yourself it would be easier to find someone to love.

 

There was a "10 things" article a while back about dating. The top one was something along the lines of men who assign a number to women's looks aren't real men. Something like that.

 

But seems like all the guys on here reduce women to a number and value her based on her appearance.

[BeautifulMan]

Snickering with her friend is a sign of being intrigued is it not?

[Serenitynow]

I agree Sarah. I wil never date a 10 because its pretty much guaranteed shes going to be either fake/high maintenance/ego centric/brainless etc etc

 

I need to have a mental connection to be attracted to a girl, so going up to a girl in public will never be my thing because I never base my attraction on a visual first impression.

 

I always feel like guys see a girl and its like, oooo i gotta hvae that, and they try to figure out a way to get her. but of course most women enjoy the chase, no matter how much they say they dont.

[legallyblonde289]

Snickering with her friend is a sign of being intrigued is it not?

 

i was going to say it wouldnt shock me if they were snickering because you hit on the other girl and they wanted you to hit on them

[SarahRose]

There was a "10 things" article a while back about dating. The top one was something along the lines of men who assign a number to women's looks aren't real men. Something like that.

 

But seems like all the guys on here reduce women to a number and value her based on her appearance.

 

 

Well I don't anything else needs to be said about that.

 

I guess it is just disturbing to not be thought of as a person, as a human being and I see more and more of it lately.

 

Women are just seen a interchangeable body parts with a number assigned.

 

Disturbing

[Serenitynow]

geez, you ladies are just looking for a way to sugar coat this as much as possible arent you ?

 

THE GIRLS WERE LAUGHING AT HIM ! the snickering was a blatant sign that they thought it was funny he tried some lame pickup line and he got shot down.

 

Stop trying to build up confidence with fake bs. Theres no way you can intelligently perceive that the girls wanted his attention

[crimsonmike]

[ You're waiting for a hair-appointment?" She looked at me and said "Yeah I am." I replied, "Pfffft. You're hair's lovely already! You don't need a hair appointment!" She smiled and said "Aww thank you."

 

I then said "Yeah, save yourself $40. Come have a martini instead." She just smiled and said "I'm fine. Thank you though," and walked back in. It was then that I noticed that at the other end of the patio, these 2 girls just snickered while glancing at me. I then felt a chill up my spine; it was one of those "Oh-crap-what-have-I-done?" moments. I just went inside and chilled at the bar.

 

Like I said, I really wish I could be proud that I tried to go for these 2 girls, but at that same time, I'm so frustrated that I fumble up so quickly and easily before I even have a chance to introduce myself and get her name. How can I possibly progress at this rate?

 

Dude, you are doing great. If you're going to approach women this way, you just have to figure you're going to get shot down at least half the time. Sounds like you have come miles and miles. After a while you won't even care if you get shot down. Hell, you'll be calling your buddies to tell'em bout how this gorgeous chick shot you down and laughing your butt off.

 

As far as the numbers game, cut the boy some slack. He's working on his confidence, and he's making progress. You can't have success with any "#" woman without confidence.

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

You men are your own worst enemies.

 

If you thought about us women as human beings and not objects with a number attached, you'd be way ahead of the game.

 

I'm so sick of hearing, "stop thinking of women as objects."

 

Here's the thing; until a guy gets to know a girl (before he ever speaks to her and learned anything about her) she IS an object. Before they've even spoke, he has NOTHING to go by except what she looks like. How else is a guy supposed to see anything else "but an object with a number (1-10) attached"?

 

Please tell me what an "enlightened" approach looks like.

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

 

i was going to say it wouldnt shock me if they were snickering because you hit on the other girl and they wanted you to hit on them

 

Then why would their reaction be "snickering?" Wouldn't they have just looked embarrassed and disappointed if they wanted me to talk to them?

[legallyblonde289]

Then why would their reaction be "snickering?" Wouldn't they have just looked embarrassed and disappointed if they wanted me to talk to them?

 

because they're rude little bitches who don't know how to deal with rejection like an adult. its a possibility that they were interested and they took it as a rejection, or they could just be sad little girls who have nothing better to do than snicker at someone they dont know. alas, we'll never know but either way probably not someone you'd even want to spend time with. the point is, don't let their rudeness get to you.

[MrNate]

I'm so sick of hearing, "stop thinking of women as objects."

 

Here's the thing; until a guy gets to know a girl (before he ever speaks to her and learned anything about her) she IS an object. Before they've even spoke, he has NOTHING to go by except what she looks like. How else is a guy supposed to see anything else "but an object with a number (1-10) attached"?

 

Please tell me what an "enlightened" approach looks like.

 

DontWannabeAWannabe, did you forget? We're supposed to KNOW a woman's personality and inner workings in advance! How dare us go by what we can only see from the outside to begin with. Excuse me as I lash out at mother nature for wiring men to be visually stimulated because they are intiators, not receptors.

[legallyblonde289]

DontWannabeAWannabe, did you forget? We're supposed to KNOW a woman's personality and inner workings in advance! How dare us go by what we can only see from the outside to begin with. Excuse me as I lash out at mother nature for wiring men to be visually stimulated because they are intiators, not receptors.

 

i dont think thats what brainygirl meant. while i can really only speak for myself i know (and most women know as well) when a guys hits on me its because he thinks im attractive. he's not thinking "gee that girls looks like she has a great personality and is really intelligent" i think its the attaching a number to a person that brainy girl has a problem with. obviously guys are only going to approach girls they are attracted to.

[brainygirl]

I'm so sick of hearing, "stop thinking of women as objects."

 

Here's the thing; until a guy gets to know a girl (before he ever speaks to her and learned anything about her) she IS an object. Before they've even spoke, he has NOTHING to go by except what she looks like. How else is a guy supposed to see anything else "but an object with a number (1-10) attached"?

 

Please tell me what an "enlightened" approach looks like.

 

How about when you are in a bar setting and people are talking and listening to the music and you notice a pretty smile, you go talk to her, instead of assessing her for over all hotness and then deciding if you will talk to her?

[MrNate]

i dont think thats what brainygirl meant. while i can really only speak for myself i know (and most women know as well) when a guys hits on me its because he thinks im attractive. he's not thinking "gee that girls looks like she has a great personality and is really intelligent" i think its the attaching a number to a person that brainy girl has a problem with. obviously guys are only going to approach girls they are attracted to.

 

Worrying over guys attaching a number is pointless. We do it all the time, including me. Many men think in very linear terms, and it helps get our point across. It's no different than a woman saying 'oh, that man is not cute'.

 

But what you mentioned asisde from that is correct. And all guys are attracted to different things. There is no universally attractive woman.

Edited May 31, 2010 by MrNate

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

Dude. You spoiled the end of the story for her?!

 

That's the real tragedy here.

 

You always have some snide/snippy quip but very little constructive criticism.