shawnm789 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 ...good evening LSers.completely new to this and what ive seen from opinions and feedback ive come to the right place.here is my situation-back in April of last year i connected with a MW on FB...we chatted/sent e-mails back and forth for a few months and then i June we met up for the first time...nothing happened...just a friendly get-together and a hug before we left....now,this is where things started to get really interesting.....in July i got invited out by her to join her sister and some of their mutual friends for a night out...the day before i was supposed to meet them this MW sent me an email....now,she had been telling me that she was having issues at home in her marriage....to what extent i did not know....well,i got a page and a half email stating that hes a type 1 diabetic....performance problems....my sex life is over....etc.etc....so we go out that night,walk her and her friends back to their cars and stayed to specifically say bye to her....well,what i thought was just going to be a hug turned into a one-hour make out session....and then,for the next three and a half months,wed get together on occasion....do something socially....then have make-out sessions....and practically did everything except have sex....now,in october,i had met up her on columbus day and her husband had unexpectedly come home early...but told her to keep her plans anyway....she felt guilty about it and wanted to know if we could end our physicasl contact....to which i understood and said fine....but then is when things started to get peculiar....we had imd since june and the beginning of november i was going to im with her on a tues.not even 5 minutes in she was like "cant chat..too busy" and so that ended....but she called me when she got out of work....and has been doing that on a semi-daily/daily basis since then...and im expecting to hear from her this week(tuesday).....but here is the funny part.....there has still be physical contact with her since then(neck rubs,back rubs,hugging,cuddling,her leg up over my lap at a show)and shes done little things too(wearing a sweater i like for me once)....back in april,we had gone out and she had told me any other physical contact we have been doing needs to stop because things were better at home....her husband is more receptive,theyre making love,etc....but what i found funny is that a month later,after she had told me that its crossing the line with us just hanging out(which is bs after everything that we had been doing..i was getting invited out to her for lunch.....now,that day when i saw her....her boss walked in as we were getting ready to leave....she was practically at the door waiting for me so we could do so....now,this week,we are meeting up on her bday night..and it just so happens her son and hubby are going into the city for a game....hmmm....so,her is my issue....her hubby,boss,and id say about 99% of her friends and family do not know about me..at all....even now....my situation....me and my wife have been together 9 years...and when i met this woman i was having issues in my own marriage....things are relatively better now,but here is my question-i know that i am doing wrong by this but its tough for me to leave this A because of the physical/emotional hooks that ive already put into it.....ad ive gotten advice from friends and co-workers stating that shes lying and using me because her marital status is worse than shes leading on to shes got legit feelings and thats why she still calls/sees me.....so,LSers.....what do you think?and i can take brutal honesty too....
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 It is what it is. What are you expecting from it? When things are good at home, she feels guilty and cuts if off with you. When things get back to ho-hum or drab she turns it on with you. You are there to fill the empty spaces, no more no less. I know you want more, but you and she only have but so much to offer since it looks like neither of you is planning on divorcing soon.
Author shawnm789 Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 hey LB....but here is what i dont get.....why would she be practically running out the door when she sees her boss and tells me-"he wouldnt care but id have to explain myself" and when we went to a concert in march....the monday she went back to work she told him she went with a "girlfriend" and the fact that her husband has not known about this at all....even now....is this an affair?
bentnotbroken Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Go ask here husband and see what he thinks. I am sure he has an opinion.
Author shawnm789 Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 guys..i know it is.....and the fact that we have both been doing it for about a year puts us both at fault.....but i agree on the "used" part.....why just divorce him and get it over with instead of doing something like this which makes it even worse?
bentnotbroken Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 guys..i know it is.....and the fact that we have both been doing it for about a year puts us both at fault.....but i agree on the "used" part.....why just divorce him and get it over with instead of doing something like this which makes it even worse? Since you can only answer for your actions, why not concentrate on why you do what you do?
Author shawnm789 Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 bentnotbroken....here is my problem.....i have physical and emotional hooks in this....and the last person i was intimate with was her....because me and my wife arent back to that stage yet in our marriage after our issues.....but i dont get on her end the initiation of cell phone contact on a daily/semi-daily basis when shes getting out of work every day and that she wants to still see me...if her marriage was that strong she wouldnt want to have anything to do with me,right?
bentnotbroken Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 She's using you. Period. Just like you are using her. True that.
Author shawnm789 Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 please elaborate on how and why she is using me.....i need to understand more.....but i still think that with her husband still not knowing after a year that this is an A....
Fight4Me Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 please elaborate on how and why she is using me.....i need to understand more.....but i still think that with her husband still not knowing after a year that this is an A.... Of course it's an affair... you have both crossed lines and cheated on your respective spouses. That doesn't mean it's love. bentnotbroken....here is my problem.....i have physical and emotional hooks in this....and the last person i was intimate with was her....because me and my wife arent back to that stage yet in our marriage after our issues.....but i dont get on her end the initiation of cell phone contact on a daily/semi-daily basis when shes getting out of work every day and that she wants to still see me...if her marriage was that strong she wouldnt want to have anything to do with me,right? The physical and emotional hooks are just that, "hooks." Like a bass, she reels you in, then tosses you back. Rinse. Repeat. As to the last part I bolded, the more truthful phrasing should be, "if her integrity and moral boundaries were that strong, she wouldn't want to have anything to do with me, right?" This really isn't about her marriage as it is about her. She knows what she's doing with you is wrong because she is keeping you her dirty little secret. The more you engage her, the greater the wedge you are creating between you and your wife. The fastest way to get rid of the "hooks" you mentioned, is to come clean with your wife about what's been going on. When the light of truth is shed on these affairs, the romance and mystique wither and lose their appeal. A greater, stronger marriage can then be built, and it is far more satisfying than stolen moments with another woman.
Author shawnm789 Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 Re-read LB's post. She only wants you when she's bored or things are crappy at home and she's not getting the sex she wants. Sorry to be cruel, but you're a hard dick and an ego boost to her. Just like you're using her to get something you lack within yourself. jthorne-i did re-read lbs psot and conur with it.however,yes i am an ego boost to her because i do compliment her a lot and she shares with me her work and family success..but....as far as the sexual end....we have not had any physical contact since april...there has never been any intercourse involved....anything from cuddling,kissing and neck rubs to steamy make-out sessions and her giving me oral.....but what i dont get is that when we went out for lunch recently her boss came in and the look on her face was like-"oh,****!" if you know that you might get caught wtf you keep doing it anyway????
Author shawnm789 Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 Of course it's an affair... you have both crossed lines and cheated on your respective spouses. That doesn't mean it's love. The physical and emotional hooks are just that, "hooks." Like a bass, she reels you in, then tosses you back. Rinse. Repeat. As to the last part I bolded, the more truthful phrasing should be, "if her integrity and moral boundaries were that strong, she wouldn't want to have anything to do with me, right?" This really isn't about her marriage as it is about her. She knows what she's doing with you is wrong because she is keeping you her dirty little secret. The more you engage her, the greater the wedge you are creating between you and your wife. The fastest way to get rid of the "hooks" you mentioned, is to come clean with your wife about what's been going on. When the light of truth is shed on these affairs, the romance and mystique wither and lose their appeal. A greater, stronger marriage can then be built, and it is far more satisfying than stolen moments with another woman. fight4me-i am not in love with her..at all....like you said,if shes cheating on her spouse with me-whether its physical or emotional-shed do the same to me if i were her hubby.but to be a dirty little secret after a little over a year and to wonder how honest shes been about her home life up until now....
Fight4Me Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 fight4me-i am not in love with her..at all....like you said,if shes cheating on her spouse with me-whether its physical or emotional-shed do the same to me if i were her hubby.but to be a dirty little secret after a little over a year and to wonder how honest shes been about her home life up until now.... Well, I doubt she's been honest about her home life. She could be omitting a lot of key information, but regardless, it shouldn't matter to you what the reality of her home life really is. And even if you don't love her, you're still in an affair. If you want to know what I think about her behavior when her boss comes around, I think it's indicative that he is aware of past work indiscretions and she sounds worried that she might get caught again. The indiscretion could have even been with her boss... anything is possible. Because it's fun for her. Some people thrive on drama. And since when is oral not sex? If someone went down on your wife, wouldn't you consider that sex? I guess I'm still confused about what advice you are seeking. Neither one of you are interested in leaving your spouses. So your affair is what it is. Are you upset because she doesn't seem to have the emotional investment in it that you do? Why should she? Was wondering the same things.
Author shawnm789 Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 Because it's fun for her. Some people thrive on drama. And since when is oral not sex? If someone went down on your wife, wouldn't you consider that sex? I guess I'm still confused about what advice you are seeking. Neither one of you are interested in leaving your spouses. So your affair is what it is. Are you upset because she doesn't seem to have the emotional investment in it that you do? Why should she? jt-i know that oral IS sex....its just so funny that a few months ago she was telling me how we cross the line even when we go out(no ****..and i thought that was pretty ignorant of her to say that considering what we have been doing)..and we both have the same bday coming up....and it just so happens we are meeting up....with her husband and son going in town for a ballgame.....dont think anything is gonna happen but yeah,its what i dont get on her end....why keep me around when all we are doing is talking on a semi-daily/daily basis,hanging out once or twice a month and thats it?
Author shawnm789 Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 Well, I doubt she's been honest about her home life. She could be omitting a lot of key information, but regardless, it shouldn't matter to you what the reality of her home life really is. And even if you don't love her, you're still in an affair. If you want to know what I think about her behavior when her boss comes around, I think it's indicative that he is aware of past work indiscretions and she sounds worried that she might get caught again. The indiscretion could have even been with her boss... anything is possible. Was wondering the same things. thats the thing....why still have contact with me and hang out with me when her marriage is supposedly going well(hubby is more cuddly,they are making love(mind you....he has type 1 diabetes))its the psychology on her end that i dont get.....as far as work goes,its just the two of them....maybe,hmmm....good point.....but i think shes playing with fire more.....and have there been other transgressions on her part outside of that.....dont know,dont care.....let her hubby deal with it....
BB07 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 So she can string you along... So she can continue to get her ego feed knowing you still want her... So she can feel good about herself when you say nice things to her... What part of using you are you not understanding? Just because she isn't using you for sex, she still has you on the hook for it, right? And what about you? If you're not getting sex out of it, why do you hang around? Because it's exciting and a bit naughty? Both parties are using each other.....and getting their egos stroked and/or other things stroked too.
SavannahSmiles Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Both parties are using each other.....and getting their egos stroked and/or other things stroked too. Just ask Clearance Carter. We be strokin'!
Author shawnm789 Posted June 1, 2010 Author Posted June 1, 2010 So she can string you along... So she can continue to get her ego feed knowing you still want her... So she can feel good about herself when you say nice things to her... What part of using you are you not understanding? Just because she isn't using you for sex, she still has you on the hook for it, right? And what about you? If you're not getting sex out of it, why do you hang around? Because it's exciting and a bit naughty? hey jt-yeah,thats the biggest question i do have-why she is using me-could it be for personal gain?her marriage is not that good?the thrill of it for her?and the fact ive been a dirty little secret even now perplexes me....we arent doing anything sexual..its just emotional..but yes,for me it is exciting and naughty..shes a really beautiful woman that works out all the time and has a great body that ive had fun with.....and one more stupid question-i have heard the trem "on the hook for it" before....what does that mean?i forget...
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