summerl0vesyou Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Ok, This is mostly an opinion question BUT back up your statement with a solid reason. Do you think it matters how soon you have sex in the long run? Ive heard of couples who had sex on their first date and end up happily married, people who never have sex and breakup, people who have sex years after dating and breakup anyway, people who get married without having sex first and everything in between. I know everyone has something different that works for them, but I dont want to mess up any more relationships and I made out with a guy that Im seeing (were heading towards being together and are exclusive but not bf/gf just yet) and Im starting to consider obviously when is right? I used to wait a month of being bf/gf, but Ive never even had an rship over 8 mths....so, any opinions on this? how long do you wait? is it different everytime, and do you think if youre actually meant to be with someone that how soon you do it actually matters?
Serenitynow Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 The best women I ever met/dated, had sex with me the first night we met. She was pretty forward. So its true that there are exceptions. But I would have to say that waiting at least a month minimum. Think about it, a month maybe be only 4 -6 dates on avg. Do you really know a person after meeting them a few times to have sex ? Also, guys tend to look down on women that give it up after a few dates. Even I second guessed when the girl I was with had sex so quick, but she quickly and repeatedly proved that she was a great person as our relationship grew.
Citizen Erased Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I will never sleep with someone before we are exclusive for a start. My first relationship it took me a year to sleep with him. We were together a year and a half. Next guy it was after a month and we were together 5 years. My current guy technically we were exclusive for about 4 months but we are long distance...when we met we certainly didn't take anytime. All very different time frames but like I said, all exclusive before. Provides way too much drama for my liking.
legallyblonde289 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 i usually go by a one month rule, seeing the guy 2-3 times a week, so about 10-12 dates even if theyre more casual. but i dont really know what the "right" answer is.
Author summerl0vesyou Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 Ive seen him 5 times now. yeah...well for me a month of actually being someone's gf, usually includes much more than 4-6 dates, usually the 8-10 range probably, depends on the situation cuz sometimes its even more than that.. and I talk to them everyday. and everyone has their own opinion on how well you should know someone. Im honestly mixed about it. Ive had sex while Ive been in love, and 1 night stands. i prefer to be in love and usually dont even have sex with someone i just 'like', i usually have to feel one extreme or the other (Dont know them, or love them) yeah....definitely good advice though. A month seems sorta short to me now, i just dated a guy who wouldnt have sex and we lasted 4 mths without it, I thought i was gonna die
somedude81 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 and everyone has their own opinion on how well you should know someone. Im honestly mixed about it. Ive had sex while Ive been in love, and 1 night stands. i prefer to be in love and usually dont even have sex with someone i just 'like', i usually have to feel one extreme or the other (Dont know them, or love them) Huh? So, you'd need to either be strangers or in love to have sex and there is no happy medium? Dude you crazy. I'd much rather have sex with somebody I like than a stranger. Question for any of the ladies. Is there any correlation between how soon you had the first kiss, and how soon you'd sleep with a guy?
legallyblonde289 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Huh? So, you'd need to either be strangers or in love to have sex and there is no happy medium? Dude you crazy. I'd much rather have sex with somebody I like than a stranger. Question for any of the ladies. Is there any correlation between how soon you had the first kiss, and how soon you'd sleep with a guy? im counting from pretty much the first date/kiss. if i like someone i kiss them on the first date. i dont think ive ever waited to kiss a guy i like, actually.
somedude81 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 im counting from pretty much the first date/kiss. if i like someone i kiss them on the first date. i dont think ive ever waited to kiss a guy i like, actually. So you'd kiss a guy on the first date, then have sex on around date 10? That seems like an awful lot of dates to go on without sex.
legallyblonde289 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 So you'd kiss a guy on the first date, then have sex on around date 10? That seems like an awful lot of dates to go on without sex. they dont necessarily have to be formal dinner dates, just spending time getting to know each other. and there are some in between steps between kissing and sex of course. i dont think thats a lot, i need to get to know someone and begin to develop feelings before them before i have sex with them. and besides, im worth it and if he doesnt want to put in the effort than hes not worth it to me:D
Ruby Slippers Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 When the two people are really compatible and into each other, I don't think it matters. 1
crimsonmike Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 IMO, whenever the woman is comfortable with it, but not the first date if you want it to be meaningful. I'll admit, I'm a hypocrit, but if a girl will have sex the first time I meet her, I'm not going to seriously date her. 3rd date at least is a good rule. Past that, whatever you're comfortable with. I'm gonna lose my man card, but if a man really likes a woman, he will wait until she is ready. [Within reason.]
brainygirl Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 IMO, whenever the woman is comfortable with it, but not the first date if you want it to be meaningful. I'll admit, I'm a hypocrit, but if a girl will have sex the first time I meet her, I'm not going to seriously date her. 3rd date at least is a good rule. Past that, whatever you're comfortable with. I'm gonna lose my man card, but if a man really likes a woman, he will wait until she is ready. [Within reason.] Nah, you loose your boy card and we issue you a man card.
Author summerl0vesyou Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 Huh? So, you'd need to either be strangers or in love to have sex and there is no happy medium? Dude you crazy. I'd much rather have sex with somebody I like than a stranger. Is there any correlation between how soon you had the first kiss, and how soon you'd sleep with a guy? hahahaha....crazy, maybe...never been called that before actually, I dont have 1 night stands anymore- but the reason I dont have sex with someone i feel in the middle about, "Like", is because I either completely attach emotionally due to sex or I can not attach at all...and the only way Im cool with attaching is if Im in love, and I wouldnt want to be emotionally distant from someone I like..Ive tried it before and it went one way or the other- i either ended up loving them, or falling for them quicker, or I stopped liking them....its a trust/emotional thing Hmm...well usually once I start kissing someone, the rest follows pretty quickly. Id say within 2 months is my norm.
Author summerl0vesyou Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 they dont necessarily have to be formal dinner dates, just spending time getting to know each other. and there are some in between steps between kissing and sex of course. i dont think thats a lot, i need to get to know someone and begin to develop feelings before them before i have sex with them. and besides, im worth it and if he doesnt want to put in the effort than hes not worth it to me:D This. 100% agreed. this is usually the way ive gone about it
reservoirdog1 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I don't really see how sex early on, on its own, can be much of a determining factor with respect to relationship longevity. Having said that... my three significant relationships in my life involved sex early on (in order: a week after meeting, second date, and the night we met). And all of them ended. Connection? Beats me.
somedude81 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Almost all relationships end. How long did they last. I'm actually surprised that you turned a same night lay into a relationship.
BentSpine Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Don't think early sex matters in general. But in my particular case, if the woman has a time-requirement then that's a deal breaker. The right occasion to have sex is when your feelings tell you to, and feelings can change from one moment to the next.
Author summerl0vesyou Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 Almost all relationships end. How long did they last. I'm actually surprised that you turned a same night lay into a relationship. actually thats happened for me too...met a guy on facethejury and we were just gona do the dirty, we did it and a week later decided to go to a concert and ended up liking each other...it lasted 3 mths, but still..
DanielMadr Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Lame and counterproductive thing to do is to post pone or rush it in order to pretend something. That's all I know.
You Go Girl Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 When I can talk to them about anything. If I can't talk to them about anything, why would I share my most intimate side?
Crazy Magnet Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 The one time I had sex with a guy the same day I met him ended up in a two year committed relationship. But that was the only time I ever jumped into bed with a man so fast. I have no idea what I was thinking. Other than that, I do wait for some type of exclusive commitment, so that sort of depends on when the guy wants to commit. If he doesn't want to, then he doesn't get any. I've waited anywhere from a year (the first guy) to (obviously) the same day. Both relationships lasted 2 years total. With the current BF, we just went with what felt natural. It was probably several weeks after meeting but maybe one week after being exclusive. ?? I honestly can't remember. Not very long though.
somedude81 Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Heh, these girls experiences of having sex with somebody the first day they met and then end up having a LTR, tells me that there is no such thing as having sex too soon.
TaurusTerp Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Lame and counterproductive thing to do is to post pone or rush it in order to pretend something. That's all I know. Sage advice, in my opinion. When you're ready, go ahead and have sex. I never understood the thought process of women who will deny themselves for no good reason. I want it, you want it. You want to leave both of us frustrated and somehow think that'll have me coming back repeatedly? If I like you enough for a serious relationship, sex isn't going to change that. If I'm immature and just looking for sex, sex isn't going to change that either. My 2 longest relationships were with women I slept with on the first night we went out, for what it's worth.
ADF Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 As you say, it depends. Mostly, it depends on what the man's intentions are. Many men in their late teens and early 20s are products of the so-called "hook up culture," for whom dating and relationships are not even on the radar. They are all about quick hook ups, one-night stands, and FWB relationships. If you are seeking a potential LTR, having sex early with men with that orientation is a huge blunder. In fact, having sex AT ALL with men from that milleu might be a mistake. They don't want what you want, and will quickly distance themselves from you after getting sex. You have to find and focus on guys who want the same kind of relationship you want. Unfortunately, until you reach your 30s, men like that are few and far between.
SoccerPlaya Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 I haven't read all the responses yet so apologies if I am repeating someone else. I think it depends entirely on the two people involved. I'm a girl, and for me it doesn't matter when I have sex with the guy - if I do it with him that means I genuinely care for him. I never have sex just to have sex. However in my most recent experience where sex came too soon, I do feel like it hurt the relationship. We dated for quite some time afterward, but the emotional connection was spotty. I soon realized that he was the type of person that needed to work for something in order to truly appreciate it..in all aspects of his life. He definitely cared about me. But did he ever TRULY appreciate me? I don't know I can't say 100% that "sex too soon" ruined it, but it certainly didn't help. From now on, I plan to be safe than sorry. I would probably be comfortable after a handful of outings (where alcohol is not always involved) and a sense that he likes me for me. Honestly, if the guy really likes you he'll wait it out. Otherwise he is in it for the wrong reasons so might as well get rid of him early.
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