Moonwalker1982 Posted May 30, 2010 Posted May 30, 2010 No matter what i tried...i couldn't give the thread title a normal name, when i put help or advice in it i received this error ---> The title you've chosen contains words or phrases that violate our Community Guidelines. We have attempted to automatically remove the phrases asking for assistance from your title. Please make sure your title still makes sense. I'm 27 years old, sadly been unemployed for almost 1,5 years now. Before that, i had a great job for nine years, but hey , it is what it is, right? I did get into a small depression and wasn't interested in trying to find a nice lady or whatsoever. Simply sat at home most of the time, with my dog and i was fine with that. Lately i'm really starting to feel like my old self again, i'm really trying to get a job, i'm following all kinds of projects which lead me to find a suitable job and things like that. I also am doing some voluntary work, so i am out of the house more and among other people...it's going great and i'm enjoying it alot. And lately the 'interest' in women is coming back too, i notice that when i walk outside with the dog or by myself, i look at ladies and greet them or just enjoy those simple things, simply looking and nothing else. However, lately particular ladies have cought my eye, but i just ain't really good at this in life. People say..go out...talk to girls, flirt with them...but no, i am not like that. I used to be incredibly shy when i was younger, and while i still might be alittle (as in not always looking people in the eyes when takling to them,not all the time that is) i am doing pretty ok in that. I'll explain what i'm talking about. At this voluntary job, there's this girl, and i think i like her. But that's not enough, not enough to flat out ask someone out for a drink. I'd like to get to know her better...and i've gotten a bit 'rusty' at that. I'd like to start a conversation with her, talk about things. I just don't know exactly what. Maybe this is not something to ask advice/help for and maybe it should simply go automatically so to speak. Today i haven't had the chance to talk to her much, just a little. I know that she's a cat person, that she considers the cat as family, just like i consider my bulldog my family. So i know i can start a conversation about that next time. But what else? Like i said..maybe i shouldn't even ask advice on this, but i don't know. I'm only gonna be doing this voluntary work for a week, so i really hope to have gotten to know her alittle better and then i might ask if she'd like to go out for a drink with me, you know? I ain't the outgoing person, with that i mean...clubs and things like that. That's not me. I also dont have friends in my neighborhood. All my real friends like like 2 hours away from me, it is what it is. I tried going to clubs by myself, or just concerts but it just aint really working for me..walking up to a nice lady and starting a conversation...tried, but didn't work. I have my own ways of trying to find a nice girl. I never tried internet dating sites, and for some reason i'm still not planning on doing that. Basically what is left for me is simply meeting someone by luck..in the park, in the store, anywhere. Or maybe on the working environment, anything like that. Long story short..what are great subjects to talk to a lady about with? I am the type of person that can have great conversations with someone, but sadly i must have gotten to know the person alittle first, especially girls. But anyways, i'm feeling real good...definitely some changes in my life now, with the project i'm following and the voluntary work, also going to the fitness club one day a week(part of the project too) so i might meet someone nice there as well. It's just that i don't like too many silent moments, i feel that its never good to have that. Nice and interesting conversations are much better, i just need to find out how, basically. When i still had a job, and when i still had a girlfriend, i was very self confident and didn't worry about any ofthis. But it's pretty obvious i've become rusty at this, lol.
alaskafire08 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 The best way to talk to anyone, male or female, professional or not is to just ask, "How do you like to spend your spare time?" This is an open ended question focused on their life away from work. You will find out everything you need to know about her with that question. Whatever her answer, ask her more about it - "Tell me more" or "I like that, too!" When you ask her out, ask her for something other than a drink. Booze isn't the ice breaker it's cracked up to be! Try meeting for coffee, tea, lunch, a walk... you get the drift. Besides, if she doesn't drink & says 'no' to your offer, you may feel rejected while that wasn't her intention at all! Being unemployed for that long does play games on your self esteem. Been there & still doing that! Sign up with temp agencies - it's a great way to try all sorts of different companies & jobs. Good luck -
Green Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I'm glad to hear you are trying to better your life. Good luck finding a job and woman. The same rule aplies for both... ask and you shall recieve. You have to apply and talk to the people at the places you want to work. Same goes for the girl at the place you volunteer at. Just talk to her about anything that comes to your mind and make sure you ask her out on a date and just be yourself... the confident version of yourself.
Author Moonwalker1982 Posted June 1, 2010 Author Posted June 1, 2010 (edited) The best way to talk to anyone, male or female, professional or not is to just ask, "How do you like to spend your spare time?" This is an open ended question focused on their life away from work. You will find out everything you need to know about her with that question. Whatever her answer, ask her more about it - "Tell me more" or "I like that, too!" When you ask her out, ask her for something other than a drink. Booze isn't the ice breaker it's cracked up to be! Try meeting for coffee, tea, lunch, a walk... you get the drift. Besides, if she doesn't drink & says 'no' to your offer, you may feel rejected while that wasn't her intention at all! Being unemployed for that long does play games on your self esteem. Been there & still doing that! Sign up with temp agencies - it's a great way to try all sorts of different companies & jobs. Good luck - First of all,thanks all for the great replies. This is definitely something that can help me. Cause like you said, the question about how she spends her time, i'd probably wouldn't have done that cause i was kinda thinking it was already too personal, but of course its not, thats just me . With drink i didn't nessecarily mean booze, or any alcohol, i personally don't like alcohol all that much at all, i'm much more of a cola or just any kind of juice drinker. I hate beer, can't stand the taste, and most alcohol drinks i don't like all that much. So i think i meant coffee or just anything like that Right now i'm following this project, if thats the right word for it. Its meant for people who are kinda stuck in terms of what kind of work are they searching for, what are the possibilities and things like that. Before last sunday(when in the evening the voluntary job started) i had a rather quiet week, except for the project. Now this week i have alot, in the morning the voluntary work and in the evening too. And during the day, i got that project. But this is working very well for me, so if friday the voluntary work stops, maybe i'll look for other voluntary work. I'm glad to hear you are trying to better your life. Good luck finding a job and woman. The same rule aplies for both... ask and you shall recieve. You have to apply and talk to the people at the places you want to work. Same goes for the girl at the place you volunteer at. Just talk to her about anything that comes to your mind and make sure you ask her out on a date and just be yourself... the confident version of yourself. Yesterday morning i worked at the voluntary work, which is basically taking care of homeless people. My mom asked me why i didn't come along for a week with her and i was like, why not? Basically we make sandwiches, tea, coffee and present that to them. So i either are at the bar and give the food and drinks to the visitors or i sit next to the door to open up when the bell rings. So yesterday morning i was sitting there, and after awhile that lady joined me and we started talking and it went great. No problems or running out of subjects. We talked about all kinds of things, what she's studying and about how long she's doing the voluntary work now. We laughed alot and had a nice time. I'd really like to talk to her more, but the problem is that i ain't sure if i'll be seeing her anymore this week. Yesterday morning she wasn't really listed to be working, but she came there because she wanted to. So it was just by coincedence that we started to talk. And maybe i'm reading too much into it, but the fact that she said 'well, maybe you want to work her permanently?' when i told her i was enjoying this, could mean something. Maybe she's hoping that i will. Maybe i have caught her eye as well, would be nice . But this whole talk was good for me, cause when i don't know people too well, (especially with girls i have that) i am still kinda shy and quiet and don't know how to get the conversation going. This was a nice sign for me that the social 'skills' for simply just talking...were fine, nothing to worry abuot.For me personally a big relief actually. Simply select topics, it can be her hobbies and things she wants to do on her leisure time. Add up the kind of food she wants to eat, the common and favorite places she usually hang out. You can Invite her for a walk and after that take her to her favorite place and order her favorite drink or food she usually get there. Have more time knowing each other. You can also talk about how she enjoy her work or when she celebrate Christmas and other occasions with her family and the likes. Find more interesting humorous topics along with your conversation to add up spices while spending your day together. Unlock Your Inner Magnet And Become The Ultimate Woman Any Man Desires Without The Embarrassing Slip Ups Or Useless Trial And Errors. http://www.themalemagnetformula.com/ That is a very nice idea yeah, she ain't from around the place. She lives like 1,5 hours away from that place. But since the working place is basically built inside the town, i bet she has been into town before. It's just that i dont know if i'll see her again, this evening i will go there again, tomorrow morning and evening too and friday as well. I doubt i won't be seeing her anymore, but personally i'd like to talk alittle more first before asking her out. But then again, if friday is really my last day there, i have to take the shot. I'll have to see if i can wait for a good moment, where she's just by herself and then ask something like 'I'd really like it to get to know you better, would you like to go out for some coffee or for a walk sometime?' . If she is already seeing someone, then i'll probably get a no, which is normal. But i have nothing to lose, right? Also....i remember last year, somewhere in may, a a lady working in a supermarket had cought my eyes and i thought it was vice versa as well, the eye contact was there i believed. Now, simply asking a girl out when she's working behind the counter, it ain't all that. Plus other customers and things like that. So i decided to visit the supermarket often and each time greet her and say something nice,and eventually ask her out. But each time i visited..she wasn't there. Turned out she was only there on saturday afternoons. The crazy thing was that i went each day there, for a whole week..and bought all kinds of small groceries, cause walking out without buying anything seemed kinda strange to me. Eventually i saw her again, and by that time i had written a small letter, simply asking that she cought my eyes..and if she'd be interested for going for a walk or just knowing eachother a bit better, i put my phone number on there as well. So when i had bought my stuff, and handed over the money, i slipped the note with it. At the end of the evening i received a text message which said that she thought the note was very sweet and nice, but she was already seeing someone. No big deal, but simply knowing that she thought the note was nice, thats good to hear. But when i look back at it, i personally find it kinda crazy the things i did for someone i didn't even know the slightest thing about. I realize that it was alittle 'over the top' to do all that, and next time i won't. Plus no doubt that with all these new things in my life now, i will change too. I will get more self-confident and probably have more 'guts' and simply greet a lady the next time, if a similar situation was ever to happen. Oh my....long story Edited June 1, 2010 by Moonwalker1982
Green Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I'm glad you had a nice chat with the girl. She probably likes you. Why not just ask her out on a date? Then when you run out of things to say you can KISS
Author Moonwalker1982 Posted June 1, 2010 Author Posted June 1, 2010 I'm glad you had a nice chat with the girl. She probably likes you. Why not just ask her out on a date? Then when you run out of things to say you can KISS Haha, yes but keep in mind that there's also a very good chance that it was just a nice talk for her. The fact that she said that i could try to work there permanently can also just be a 'offer' and nothing more, it doesn't nessecarily mean the interest is vice versa. But like they say in my country 'One who doesn't try/dare, is the one who won't win' . I just got back from the place but she wasn't there. So i hope she'll be there tomorrow morning or evening, cause i think thats the moment i should ask her, cause thursday there's no work and friday is the last day. And sure, i can always come back there, visit the place....and when i see her, ask it. But i much rather simply ask that when i am working there, and she's there as well. Cause just like now..i have no idea what days she comes there to work, so when i don't work there anymore..i have to just go at random days...and hoping she's there, that's really not gonna work. Last option COULD be, to leave her a note...if i don't see her again. Where i say, that i really liked our conversation and that it would be nice to get to know her better, then i could leave my phonenumber so she can text message me back if she finds it a nice idea as well.
Green Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Leaving a note where she has to call you is better then nothing... but you would have a much better chance at sucess if you just asked her out in person and you got her phone number so you could call her instead of making her call you. She might be to scared to call if you just leave your phone number. So you should ask her out in person if possible and set a time and place and then get her phone number
Author Moonwalker1982 Posted June 1, 2010 Author Posted June 1, 2010 Leaving a note where she has to call you is better then nothing... but you would have a much better chance at sucess if you just asked her out in person and you got her phone number so you could call her instead of making her call you. She might be to scared to call if you just leave your phone number. So you should ask her out in person if possible and set a time and place and then get her phone number My first 'plan' is to indeed ask her out in person, hopefully if she's there tomorrow and we work together and we're takling abit, i'll just 'slip' the question in there . However, there's also a chance i might not see her at all anymore, and if thats the case i can only go with the 'leaving a note' option. And do you think she might be too scared to call or text message me? It's not like i'm some random stranger, we have talked together about things, laughed, she knows about my education, she knows that i got a dog that i consider family, and from her i know she's a cat person. It's not like the lady from last year that i talked about here, who didn't know me at all. And even then she text messaged me and said the note was sweet and all. The other option is waiting..until they need volunteers again, so that we can go back to the place, but waiting for that...ain't gonna work, cause maybe they won't need more volunteers at all anymore. And the other option i talked about, where i could just go back to the place next week and hoping that she's there and ask it...that's in my opinion the least good option
Author Moonwalker1982 Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 Long story short.... She doesn't have a boyfriend, and she's 21, i am 27. Not that the last thing matters that much at all, but ah well. I didnt' had the chance anymore to ask her out in person, she wasn't present today and this evening will be my last day working there. I really don't expect her to come this evening, if she does...i will ask her out, but chances are slim that she'll be present. I wrote a few things on a small piece of paper, basically i say its me, and that it was a pleasure to meet her and that i thought she was a real nice girl. That i would like to get to know her better. Maybe have something to drink in town or a walk in the park with the dog. And she told me she's afraid of dogs cause she thinks they bite, so i said...i promise that my dog won't bite,lol. Cause just like her owner she's for peace. That i would have liked to ask her this in person but it just didn't happen like that. I left my phonenumber so she can text message or call me back. That's basically it
Green Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 The problem with just leaving a note is now all the EFFORT is on her. SHE HAS TO CALL YOU.... you also made it easy for her to REJECT YOu... she doesn't even have to say no... she just has to not do all the work of calling you. If you really like a girl you should always find a way to ask her out in person. Thats just my opinion. Oh and you didn't need to ask if she had a bf... SHE CAN TELL YOU IF SHE HAS A BF
Author Moonwalker1982 Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 (edited) The problem with just leaving a note is now all the EFFORT is on her. SHE HAS TO CALL YOU.... you also made it easy for her to REJECT YOu... she doesn't even have to say no... she just has to not do all the work of calling you. If you really like a girl you should always find a way to ask her out in person. Thats just my opinion. Oh and you didn't need to ask if she had a bf... SHE CAN TELL YOU IF SHE HAS A BF There really wasn't another option left. Well..one more..i could have asked a co-worker for her phonenumber and call her and basically ask her out that way, but i didn't particularly liked that idea. Like i said...no more work for me there. This evening was my last working time there. And if i decided to wait till next week and go to the place and ask her in person...it would be problematic. Cause i don't exactly know what times she's working there. Plus i have that project(mandatory) where i go to on daily basis. So it was either a note or not do anything at all..but why choose for the last one when i have nothing to lose? Never hurts to try, you know. Sure it's easy for her to reject me, and lets me know via a text message. But i doubt it she'll completely ignore it all, sure...i don't know her 100%, but i don't believe she's like that. Like i said..last year, a girl i didn't even know at all, just only seen her a few times , no talking ,nothing. But she textmessaged me and said she did liked the note alot, thought it was sweet. And let's not jump to conclusions now shall we? Personally i am NOT the type of person to ask a girl if she's seeing someone, for one...i don't even have the guts for it, but especially i find it rude. I'll explain how i know that she doesn't have a boyfriend. Like i said, i have been working together with my mom at that place. And last week on one day when i was working together with another co-worker. My mom was working with that lady. My mom told about how a visitor jokingly said 'i am gonna take you out for dinner one of these days' to that lady. She replied jokingly back with 'I am married, i can't' . So when all the visitors had left, and all the volunteers were taking a rest, my mom asked the lady if she was actually really married. And she replied...no not at all silly, that was all a joke. I don't even have a boyfriend. That's it Edited June 4, 2010 by Moonwalker1982
Author Moonwalker1982 Posted June 7, 2010 Author Posted June 7, 2010 New updates....and without making a reply, this wouldn't be noticed. To make a long story short... I received a text message yesterday night from her, she said the note was very nice of me. She wasn't sure yet what she was gonna do cause at the moment she was taking things easy, but she was gonna think about it. So the morning after i replied and said i understood and respect this, and that this no doubt was quite unexpected. Seconds later she replied again saying she likes surprises so thats ok, and then lots of questions about how my working week last week was. Several text messages back and forth and then she gave her MSN. We just talked for awhile, about the voluntary work mostly, education and the possibilities, a real good conversation though. Nothing about personal stuff yet...all in due time. I wrote that note not expecting anything, and i still ain't. I'll just see what comes of this, maybe just a nice new friendship, maybe more. Either way, this is nice.
Green Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 SHE LIKES YOU... Just ask her out. Suggest that you to have lunch just to Hang out and have fun. THEN KISS HER
Author Moonwalker1982 Posted June 8, 2010 Author Posted June 8, 2010 SHE LIKES YOU... Just ask her out. Suggest that you to have lunch just to Hang out and have fun. THEN KISS HER Wow, that's a bit fast..ain't it? I mean, it's great of you to say she likes me , but how do you know, on what do you base that? . Cause her first reaction to the note was 'I am not sure yet what i'm gonna do, i'll think about it'. Or is the fact that she already told me something that can be considered very private a indication of that? My plan is to just chat a bit on MSN, just wait for a week or so..if she hasn't replied to my first 'invitation' by then...i could invite her again for lunch indeed, nothing wrong with that. Or invite her at my place ( i live on my own) and make her dinner, that wasn't my idea..but someone else's. But might be great too. I just don't want to have her thinking 'come on dude, you said you had respect for what i said, and that i had to think abuot it first..and now you ask it again.' . For me it's not nessecary to hurry too much, i am a patient man, if thats needed. But then again....maybe i am completely wrong about this , and she indeed likes me. I can never tell so quickly.
Author Moonwalker1982 Posted June 9, 2010 Author Posted June 9, 2010 Had another great conversation with her on MSN, about all kinds of things, about stuff that i really consider that you only expect to hear when people know eachother for years, so she really trusts me, that's pretty obvious, which is very good of course. And all week it's been going like that...a few text messages during the day, nice conversations on MSN in the evening. Tomorrow she got a presentation for her study, so she's kinda nervous about that. I'm not gonna ask anything now. I might send a text message on friday, for something to do during the weekend for example. But i want the invite to be something cool, something smooth. The invitation shouldn't be the standard 'wanna go for a drink etc..' . Maybe not even a drink at all, maybe invite her to a standup comedy show (problem is, we dont get those too often here) but i am really gonna think about a nice place to go to...and invite her to that. Or do any of you have any good ideas?
Author Moonwalker1982 Posted June 11, 2010 Author Posted June 11, 2010 Well, this is the very last update..i promise 100% big update, definitely all the clarity i wanted I talked to her on MSN for a long time this evening, it was really cool. This time we talked about all kinds of things. We started talking about the things we do in our free time...and after awhile she said she normally has always plans for the weekend, but this time she didn't. And then she asked what plans i had, so i explained that i had to do a few things and then i thought...this is the perfect moment for it. So i said " I asked you this before, but it never hurts to ask again. Maybe you'd like to go do something together this weekend? Whatever that may be?" Then she said "Ouch, a concience question, it definitely sounds very nice, but at the same time it gives me a suffocating feeling.(or is Oppressive the right word?) because she had agreed with herself on taking it easy for awhile. She didn't exactly know what it was, but this was going on for half a year now, while normally nobody could stop her in the dating game. Last year she thought there was something but it turned out to be nothing, and this was for her a clear indication that she didn't want this for a long time. She also said that she thinks i'm a very sweet,nice en finally a good guy, but something is stopping her. Normally she wouldn't even reply to notes, but she thought mine was so sweet, she had to. But it was obvious that this needs time, she couldn't promise if she would be ready for a drink in half a year or a year, as innocent as that may sound. Well so there it is, i know what to expect now, just friends and thats fine too But i'll probably come back her to ask other questions, advice about other things.
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