Green Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 A good buddy of mine is in his early 30s with no sexual experience. He's had some relationships. He tells me that women looking for LTRs turn him down repeately because of his inexperience even thought they themselves have only had a few partners. The response when given is they don't want to train him. There have been women with many sexual partners but not looking for an LTR that would like like to have a fling with him which would get him the experience. He says no to them. Is this trend typical? How do I convince my buddy to change his thinking and start with the woman with many sexual partners? So he is a virgin? If I were you I would just stay out of it. Here's a non PC answer to give. Tell him to lie. If you know what ur doin, help him out. Its what I did when I was 22 and lost my virginity... Not only did I omit the fact I was a virgin but implied I had been with many women lol I tell him lie lie lie, but he won't do it and says she will find out anyway. He makes a good salary, is decent looking and lives in one of the best areas of the city. In short, he's a a catch on paper. He doesn't understand that much of the mating process is counterintuitive. How do I convince him? Unless you have a seriouse gf or a wife you should just worry about getting women for your self... If you do have a seriouse gf or a wife and you feel like taking the major risk of setting him up with people do that... but really I would just leave him alone he has enough incentive to figure this out on his own. she will find out anyway after they have sex. as a woman you know if you've had sex with a virgin if they dont know what they're doing or finish in 20 seconds. also there's the chance his nerves will get the best of him and he might experience "technical difficulties". I remember when I lost my virginity... the next day the girl asked me... "was that your first time" I'll have to say I still think she enjoyed it even though neither of us really orgasmed lol... haha I'm like a woman with my orgasm I have to get in the right mind frame and took me a few times until I could orgasm during sex. Point is I lied and it worked. Even when she asked the next day... I was still like hahah no I don't think you can convince him. He has certain values he wants to stick to in his pursuit and I think as his friend you should respect that. But I would encourage him to downplay his lack of experience. And have him read some women's romance/porns to get some ideas of what women enjoy and like. I don't think he will convince a 30 year old man of anything... The man himself has every incentive to try new things and learn from his mistakes so I say don't worry about it and just enjoy his friendship He's had a total of three relationships. The longest was two months. All three women broke his heart. His social skills are so so at best. He's let so many opportunities fall through the cracks. Let's cut to the chase. Most women will drop him like a hot potato if they find out about his inexperience. Would you? I can tell you he would be devestated to be 51 and still have no sexual experience. I've known him for over half his life. Its very unromantic for a man his age to come to women with no experience... at minimum he should just not mention his virginity or lack of sex.... As I keep saying give him ur opinion if he asks but I would get frustrated if I felt I had to help such a person. He himself might get frustrated with your "help" so just don't worry about it. I actually believe that the lack of relationship experience is what the women notice and don't want to deal with. Granted, they probably don't want to train a guy in the bedroom either, but if they think that he has no idea how to be a "proper" bf (being part of a couple), that really seems to be the huge issue. And having flings won't help him with that. I am afraid that most women will be afraid of having to be a nanny/mommy in addition to being his gf, that's a tough sell. No women wants to feel like the experienced women with the unexperienced man... very rare.. especialy if the man is 30
Author Dragon1 Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 I'm in a situation that's similar to your friend's.Like him I'm in my 30's (38) and have no experience with women(relationship or otherwise). Usually when a guy is 30+ and is still a virgin its due to confidence or self-esteem issues.However this guy has had relationships;And I'm assuming that he approached/initiated contact with these women.So he has something to build on there. If he ever becomes intimate with a woman he can fake his way through if he educates himself prior to anything taking place.However,if he is like me and has never kissed a woman...It will be obvious (after the first kiss) that he's inexperienced. My buddy has kissed 5 or 6 women. I don't see him being able to hide his inexperience.
Author Dragon1 Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 i never said anything about reading minds. i said it is likely the woman would be able to tell from him not really knowing what he's doing, finishing extremely quickly or becoming so nervous that he has technical difficulties. im talking about physical manifestations here, not reading minds. You are right. Most women can pick things up. Even if the sex is great, most women have a knack for picking up the smallest details.
Author Dragon1 Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 So he is a virgin? If I were you I would just stay out of it. Unless you have a seriouse gf or a wife you should just worry about getting women for your self... If you do have a seriouse gf or a wife and you feel like taking the major risk of setting him up with people do that... but really I would just leave him alone he has enough incentive to figure this out on his own. Its very unromantic for a man his age to come to women with no experience... at minimum he should just not mention his virginity or lack of sex.... As I keep saying give him ur opinion if he asks but I would get frustrated if I felt I had to help such a person. He himself might get frustrated with your "help" so just don't worry about it. No women wants to feel like the experienced women with the unexperienced man... very rare.. especialy if the man is 30 No sexual experince means virgin. My buddy wants the help. I'm currently single, but I have much more experience. Unromantic? No way. He is very capacle of love and romance. He needs to shut up sometimes. You are right in the last point. Most women want more experience in romance. That's why him being so inexperienced is such a challenge.
Green Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 No sexual experince means virgin. My buddy wants the help. I'm currently single, but I have much more experience. Unromantic? No way. He is very capacle of love and romance. He needs to shut up sometimes. You are right in the last point. Most women want more experience in romance. That's why him being so inexperienced is such a challenge. If you are currently single the best thing you can do is lead by example and get urself a gf. Once you have your own gf you will be free to set him up with friends of ur gf.
Author Dragon1 Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 If you are currently single the best thing you can do is lead by example and get urself a gf. Once you have your own gf you will be free to set him up with friends of ur gf. Sorry Green. That makes no difference. I'm enjoying my singledom right now and if the right girl comes along then I will take the opportunity.
make me believe Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 looking for LTRs turn him down repeately because of his inexperience even thought they themselves have only had a few partners. The response when given is they don't want to train him. Well, there is a HUGE difference between a virgin and somebody who's only had a few partners. My boyfriend has only had a few partners before me, but all of them were long-term relationships, and I definitely don't consider him "inexperienced" because of it. You can't convince this guy to have flings if he doesn't want to. If you DO manage to convince him & then he does it, he'll probably feel crappy afterwards because he knows deep down that a fling isn't what he wants. I think he shouldn't mention his virginity until he's actually in a relationship. If a woman hears straight out "I'm a virgin" from a 30 year old guy... it's going to be a turn off. But if she's already involved & emotionally invested, she will probably have a different reaction. Oh, but he should absolutely NOT lie about it!! Most women WILL be able to tell, as evidenced by green's story when he lied but it was so obvious to the girl that she brought it up the next day.
Author Dragon1 Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 Well, there is a HUGE difference between a virgin and somebody who's only had a few partners. My boyfriend has only had a few partners before me, but all of them were long-term relationships, and I definitely don't consider him "inexperienced" because of it. You can't convince this guy to have flings if he doesn't want to. If you DO manage to convince him & then he does it, he'll probably feel crappy afterwards because he knows deep down that a fling isn't what he wants. I think he shouldn't mention his virginity until he's actually in a relationship. If a woman hears straight out "I'm a virgin" from a 30 year old guy... it's going to be a turn off. But if she's already involved & emotionally invested, she will probably have a different reaction. Oh, but he should absolutely NOT lie about it!! Most women WILL be able to tell, as evidenced by green's story when he lied but it was so obvious to the girl that she brought it up the next day. We all agree that he should not bring it up, but if he's asked early on, is there really a choice?
florence of suburbia Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 His issue isn't learning how to have sex, it is an inability to flirt. He would have women knocking down his door if he knew how to be playful and charming. However, I don't know if this can be taught.
Author Dragon1 Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 His issue isn't learning how to have sex, it is an inability to flirt. He would have women knocking down his door if he knew how to be playful and charming. However, I don't know if this can be taught. The playing and charming isn't his forte. I did it without even trying.
brainygirl Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 We all agree that he should not bring it up, but if he's asked early on, is there really a choice? Have him be like a politician with one line. "I've had previous Gfs, but I don't want to focus on the past, I want to focus on the future" if the woman has any class she wont ask to begin with.
CLC2008 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 But if she's already involved & emotionally invested, she will probably have a different reaction. Yes. This is very true if she has genuine feelings towards him. In the case of your friend, I do not think he has an "automatic obligation" to tell someone, something that is sensitive for him, something he may feel insecure over. If it's something that is going to be harmful to the other person, then yes, it's an obligation to disclose.
Author Dragon1 Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 Have him be like a politician with one line. "I've had previous Gfs, but I don't want to focus on the past, I want to focus on the future" if the woman has any class she wont ask to begin with. Oh my my. That's super. I'm telling him that when I see him tomorrow. I want to see if he can say it with a straight face even though it's true for him. That's the only potential rub.
bac Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 What experience are you talking about? All he needs to stick his thing in and out for a short time. It is the easiest thing in the world because he has within himself all he needs to perform. He has instinct, testosterone in blood and his d...k. How good a man is in bed depends on his talent in sex. A man either has it, or not. They might have tons of experiences such as ONSs, FWBs, relationships, marriages, but they still might be terrible in bed just because they do not have what it takes. Sure, older men are more confident about their sex skills and many believe that their skills are great, but it might not be true for their female partners.
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