Older men dating younger women

[brainygirl]

What exactly is wrong about what he said? Can you deny that many women do act like that?

 

Uhm, I don't pole women (or men) about how they act, but I do know that when I've broken up with men, including my ex husband, it was after lots of fighting, talking, and anguish which didn't end for me just because I had left the relationship. There are days I still grieve for what should have been.

 

I DO think that woman generally have more to loose in terms of potential for their futures than men do and so may tend to appear to drop guys without cause.

 

I my case, the ex was lying about lots of things and preventing me from working while complaining about money. There were also abuse and death threat going on. But I'm sure my leaving while he was (conveniently) in jail on theft charges was completely in called for. I'm also sure that the years I've spent building back up from where I was then (homeless with three kids and two suitcases) to where I am now weren't well spent as far as guys are concerned.

 

What I don't understand is this: He's a dead beat, barely sees his kids, doesn't pay his support or bills and has a total of four kids by three women, but he has a girlfriend with kids who lets him live with her.

 

Mean while I take care of my kids with no help, work a full time job, am finishing a degree, and am still young and cute, and I can't get a guy remotely interested in a relationship with me. They either are WAY not interested, or tell me I am too good for them.

 

I don't get guys at all.

[MrNate]

Uhm, I don't pole women (or men) about how they act, but I do know that when I've broken up with men, including my ex husband, it was after lots of fighting, talking, and anguish which didn't end for me just because I had left the relationship. There are days I still grieve for what should have been.

 

I DO think that woman generally have more to loose in terms of potential for their futures than men do and so may tend to appear to drop guys without cause.

 

I my case, the ex was lying about lots of things and preventing me from working while complaining about money. There were also abuse and death threat going on. But I'm sure my leaving while he was (conveniently) in jail on theft charges was completely in called for. I'm also sure that the years I've spent building back up from where I was then (homeless with three kids and two suitcases) to where I am now weren't well spent as far as guys are concerned.

 

What I don't understand is this: He's a dead beat, barely sees his kids, doesn't pay his support or bills and has a total of four kids by three women, but he has a girlfriend with kids who lets him live with her.

 

Mean while I take care of my kids with no help, work a full time job, am finishing a degree, and am still young and cute, and I can't get a guy remotely interested in a relationship with me. They either are WAY not interested, or tell me I am too good for them.

 

I don't get guys at all.

 

The first part is just silly. It's a great feat you pulled off. My dad is also a deadbeat who has several children with different women. I finally found him after 21 years of being alive and he absolutely REFUSES to accept my existence. So much for my curiosity of finally meeting my father. My mother also raised me and two siblings by herself, as her husband got in a fatal accident and he was no longer able to help in anyway. To this day, I wonder what it would have been like to have a dad to go fishing with, bbq with, have good discussions with. I will never get that chance. But I'm grateful that I had many uncles in my life to look up to. So I understand 100 % where you're coming from.

 

Second, we can help you if you let us. But you have to drop the pride. Or just keeping blaming us for all your problems. You have to realize your accomplishments though commendable, are not enough to land you to a man.

Edited June 2, 2010 by MrNate

[Woggle]

Women love guys like him. I know a guy who lives in an RV, drinks like a fish, uses drugs and is pretty much a pig yet he has women over him like he is a rock star. He also seems to have all this money coming that nobody can figure out where it comes from. My guess is he is doing something illegal. I hate to say it but to many men you are not exciting.

[Lovelybird]

Uhm, I don't pole women (or men) about how they act, but I do know that when I've broken up with men, including my ex husband, it was after lots of fighting, talking, and anguish which didn't end for me just because I had left the relationship. There are days I still grieve for what should have been.

 

I DO think that woman generally have more to loose in terms of potential for their futures than men do and so may tend to appear to drop guys without cause.

 

I my case, the ex was lying about lots of things and preventing me from working while complaining about money. There were also abuse and death threat going on. But I'm sure my leaving while he was (conveniently) in jail on theft charges was completely in called for. I'm also sure that the years I've spent building back up from where I was then (homeless with three kids and two suitcases) to where I am now weren't well spent as far as guys are concerned.

 

What I don't understand is this: He's a dead beat, barely sees his kids, doesn't pay his support or bills and has a total of four kids by three women, but he has a girlfriend with kids who lets him live with her.

 

Mean while I take care of my kids with no help, work a full time job, am finishing a degree, and am still young and cute, and I can't get a guy remotely interested in a relationship with me. They either are WAY not interested, or tell me I am too good for them.

 

I don't get guys at all.

That was tough, brainygirl

[brainygirl]

The first part is just silly. It's a great feat you pulled off. My dad is also a deadbeat who has several children with different women. I finally found him after 21 years of being alive and he absolutely REFUSES to accept my existence. So much for my curiosity of finally meeting my father. My mother also raised me and two siblings by herself, as her husband got in a fatal accident and he was no longer able to help in anyway. To this day, I wonder what it would have been like to have a dad to go fishing with, bbq with, have good discussions with. I will never get that chance. But I'm grateful that I had many uncles in my life to look up to. So I understand 100 % where you're coming from.

 

Second, we can help you if you let us. But you have to drop the pride. Or just keeping blaming us for all your problems. You have to realize your accomplishments though commendable, are not enough to land you to a man.

 

My point was, from the outside it may have looked like I walked away without a second glance, but there was a lot of internal strife that went into that choice, so when people say women are heartless and will drop a guy in an instant, I take offense, because no one knows what's really going on in a relationship but the two people there.

 

My second point is, his history has no impact on his ability to get a LTR even though even a cursory examination of it reveals him to be of dubious character. Mean while, my history works against me.

 

And believe it or not, I am not a couch potato, I just hate traditional "working out". I swim (am currently burnt to a cinder because of swimming actually), hike, camp and fish with the best of them. I DO know how to dress in a feminine manner, and I am actually bubbly and fun to be around in person (the net is my venting place). But for all that, I'm the dateless wonder and he's in a relationship.

 

I don't get it.

[Yamaha]

his history has no impact on his ability to get a LTR even though even a cursory examination of it reveals him to be of dubious character. Mean while, my history works against me.

 

 

Not trying to be mean but it would seem the (some,not all ) female species are less discriminating than most male species.

[Woggle]

Don't take this as an insult but just because you look great on paper does not mean that you are good relationship material. My point is that men have a number of reasons for dating and not dating certain women.

[MrNate]

My point was, from the outside it may have looked like I walked away without a second glance, but there was a lot of internal strife that went into that choice, so when people say women are heartless and will drop a guy in an instant, I take offense, because no one knows what's really going on in a relationship but the two people there.

 

Some people will say that, but a lot won't. There are more than enough men out there with rational minds who don't run to conclusions about a woman. Her accomplishments however, will not be enough to create attraction.

 

My second point is, his history has no impact on his ability to get a LTR.

even though even a cursory examination of it reveals him to be of dubious character. Mean while, my history works against me.

 

Why are you wasting your time comparing yourself to a convict you used to be married to, but left for the sake of you and your kids?

 

And believe it or not, I am not a couch potato, I just hate traditional "working out". I swim (am currently burnt to a cinder because of swimming actually), hike, camp and fish with the best of them. I DO know how to dress in a feminine manner, and I am actually bubbly and fun to be around in person (the net is my venting place). But for all that, I'm the dateless wonder and he's in a relationship.

 

Comparing yourself to him won't get you anywhere. As I said earlier, all those things you listed are not enough to attract a man.

 

What is the real problem you are having?

 

I don't get it.

 

There's a lot more to men than you give us credit for. That's why you won't begin to 'get it' until you recognize, and then internalize this fact.

[MrNate]

Don't take this as an insult but just because you look great on paper does not mean that you are good relationship material. My point is that men have a number of reasons for dating and not dating certain women.

 

Yes, yes and yes.

[brainygirl]

 

Some people will say that, but a lot won't. There are more than enough men out there with rational minds who don't run to conclusions about a woman. Her accomplishments however, will not be enough to create attraction.

 

 

 

Why are you wasting your time comparing yourself to a convict you used to be married to, but left for the sake of you and your kids?

 

 

 

Comparing yourself to him won't get you anywhere. As I said earlier, all those things you listed are not enough to attract a man.

 

What is the real problem you are having?

 

 

 

There's a lot more to men than you give us credit for. That's why you won't begin to 'get it' until you recognize, and then internalize this fact.

 

Why compare?

 

Because there are days I feel like I've been penalized for making the right choice in a bad situation.

 

Because I KNOW I have lots of good qualities but I feel like all people see when they look at me is problems.

 

The REAL problem I am having? I'm tired of being alone, doing everything alone, having to be emotionally tough because that's the way it has to be.

 

I know guys are complicated and not at all like women, that's why I signed up on these boards, it doesn't make me any less frustrated with situations I can't change.

[Pink Cupcakes]

The thing is, if you are looking for a women 15+ years younger, you'd better be loaded. Otherwise, there is really no incentive to date you. I'm just being honest. The guy I slept with recently I admit, I was attracted to his wealth and success (high powered exec).

Younger women will look at other couples who are both the same age and wish they had that. The only attraction a man that much older will have for a woman is money, sorry, but that's how it is.

Men - are you loaded?

Otherwise - forget it. Sorry.

[MrNate]

 

Why compare?

 

Because there are days I feel like I've been penalized for making the right choice in a bad situation.

 

Because I KNOW I have lots of good qualities but I feel like all people see when they look at me is problems.

 

The REAL problem I am having? I'm tired of being alone, doing everything alone, having to be emotionally tough because that's the way it has to be.

 

I know guys are complicated and not at all like women, that's why I signed up on these boards, it doesn't make me any less frustrated with situations I can't change.

 

Now, that we have finally gotten to the root of this problem, the first thing is you have to stop blaming all men for this.

 

You need to make more of an effort to approve your situation/appearance. Take an honest examination of yourself. You can't get rid of the kids, and you can't get rid of your past, so leave that out. Examine what you can change about yourself. Do you feel you are overweight? Lose some weight. You say you don't like traditional workouts, but like to swim, so swim longer, swim harder. Also, maybe consider adding a bit of walking or maybe some light weights. Men love a nicely shaped body. (NOTE: the definition of 'nicely shaped' varies with each man, so do not rush to conclusions here.) Women were given curves for a reason! So make the most of them. Flaunt what you got.

 

Make a commitment to yourself to not complain about why this is, just do it! You need to take things up a notch.

 

If you have some guy friends, take them shopping with you, try on some outfits and see what they think. You may wind up with a new look in the process.

 

The main point I'm trying to get you to realize is that nothing will change unless you start changing.

 

But again, the first step is to stop blaming men for your problems.

[kassy]

I disagree, I am crazy about a guy who is 11 years older than me (40, 29), and he's not loaded - in fact he must be pretty broke.

[MrNate]

The thing is, if you are looking for a women 15+ years younger, you'd better be loaded. Otherwise, there is really no incentive to date you. I'm just being honest. The guy I slept with recently I admit, I was attracted to his wealth and success (high powered exec).

Younger women will look at other couples who are both the same age and wish they had that. The only attraction a man that much older will have for a woman is money, sorry, but that's how it is.

Men - are you loaded?

Otherwise - forget it. Sorry.

 

Of course we know this isn't true in all cases, but regardless, I find this comment oddly refreshing in a way.

[brainygirl]

The thing is, if you are looking for a women 15+ years younger, you'd better be loaded. Otherwise, there is really no incentive to date you. I'm just being honest. The guy I slept with recently I admit, I was attracted to his wealth and success (high powered exec).

Younger women will look at other couples who are both the same age and wish they had that. The only attraction a man that much older will have for a woman is money, sorry, but that's how it is.

Men - are you loaded?

Otherwise - forget it. Sorry.

 

I've always had the theory that if you get with a guy for his money, then you end up earning it.

 

I have found that men who feel like they have a financial standing over you tend to use it, so I would rather date people who are in similar situations that people who are "above" or "below" me in terms of income and age. (I mean in magnitude, not that I am better than or worse than on a fundamental level than anyone else).

[Dragon1]

I have found that men who feel like they have a financial standing over you tend to use it, so I would rather date people who are in similar situations that people who are "above" or "below" me in terms of income and age. (I mean in magnitude, not that I am better than or worse than on a fundamental level than anyone else).

So if a man makes too much you won't date him? Why limit yourself. I have an acquantance who easily makes 500k a year and he's a humble, down to earth man.

[brainygirl]

So if a man makes too much you won't date him? Why limit yourself. I have an acquantance who easily makes 500k a year and he's a humble, down to earth man.

 

No, but I wouldn't pursue "rich" guys over any other sort. I have friends who wont date a guy unless he makes a certain amount of has some other outward evidence of wealth.

[Pink Cupcakes]

I disagree, I am crazy about a guy who is 11 years older than me (40, 29), and he's not loaded - in fact he must be pretty broke.

 

Unless my math is wrong, 11 is less than 15.

[Green]

Unless my math is wrong, 11 is less than 15.

 

Don't you know 10 years of age difference really upsets most women. She is 29 for god sakes and he is FORTY... this kind of thing would really upset a lot of women who post on this site. They would pull out their favorite word Creep... Pedo wouldn't be far behind.

 

Yes your math is wrong... 11 years is more then enough of an age difference especialy because she is still in her twenties when he started dating her. That part really upsets women. When you are midle aged and you start dating some one in their twenties

[Rudderless]

For myself, when I was 20, anyone over 30 was simply not physically attractive to me

For some women of 20 anyone under 30 is not physically attractive to them (if we're applying blanket rules)

and I felt that a man that age was lusting for me because of my youthful beauty and not for my immature psyche.

That was exactly the point. Women who are immature at 20 are the type to find something wrong with an older man going for a younger woman because they can never put themselves in the same place as they type of woman who is mature and socially adept and more likely to have a connection with an older guy by that age.

 

An immature psyche has only a certain amount to do with age by the way. You can clearly see that according to some of the women on this forum who still have the emotional capacity of a teenager.

 

 

iGenerally, young women who think it's creepy (and older women who were young once! haha) who think it's creepy really really aren't thinking as deeply as you present. .

 

Actually they're not thinking that much at all, except about all their problems with immature boys.

[Yamaha]

The thing is, if you are looking for a women 15+ years younger, you'd better be loaded. Otherwise, there is really no incentive to date you. I'm just being honest. The guy I slept with recently I admit, I was attracted to his wealth and success (high powered exec).

Younger women will look at other couples who are both the same age and wish they had that. The only attraction a man that much older will have for a woman is money, sorry, but that's how it is.

Men - are you loaded?

Otherwise - forget it. Sorry.

 

I think it has more too do with our youth obsessed culture. The fact this guy is in his 50's freaks you out, makes you feel old. I would venture a guess you would only go up 3 years but down 7 in age. It's all your perception of age.

[Pink Cupcakes]

I'm not really too interested in someone 7 years younger, either. Really 3 years younger to 5 years older would be ideal. I honestly think that's what most women want, too, as well as men, if you look at hard stats - most marriages are those in which the couples are close in age. There are ones where the man is significantly older, but there are also ones in which the female is significantly younger. There is, overall, not a huge amount of marriages percentagewise where the man is 10 plus years older.

[janie423]

1. For some women of 20 anyone under 30 is not physically attractive to them (if we're applying blanket rules)

 

That was exactly the point. 2. Women who are immature at 20 are the type to find something wrong with an older man going for a younger woman because they can never put themselves in the same place as they type of woman who is mature and socially adept and more likely to have a connection with an older guy by that age.

 

3. An immature psyche has only a certain amount to do with age by the way. You can clearly see that according to some of the women on this forum who still have the emotional capacity of a teenager.

 

 

1. Re-read what you wrote, it's confusing me. Is this what you meant to say?

 

2. I apologize for what I am about to say, but all woman (and men) are immature at 20. Zed gave a great explanation for that. That said, I would sell my soul to be 20 again (or at least look and feel like it!)

 

3. Very true, and that also applies to men. I have met men over 50 that have the emotionally maturity of a 14 year old.

[Jersey Shortie]

Jersey Shortie all I said was I have no problem with Older men dating younger women. If you choose to be threatned and creeped out by that please know that it has no effect on me. and yes Jersey Shortie you have hatred for men if you think that just because a man is older and dates a younger women he is automaticaly WRONG

 

Back the train up. Not only are you making statements that are directly opposite to anything I've said, you continue to ignore two very simple questions.

 

I will ask again. Will you deflect or engage in a normal converation? The choice is yours. My questions that you still fail to answer are:

 

1. What is it that you want women to learn? That some men consider us expendable based on our age?

 

2. When a woman turns 30, do you kick her to the side? Do you spend the rest of your days with her pining for her younger counterparts or perhaps shoving it in her face that she is less worthy as a woman to you then she was when she was in her 20s?

 

You continue to ignore these very simple questions. Which makes me believe that your ulterior motive over-rules any real conversation you want to have with women. And your ulterior movtive seems to do more with women hating then anything else.

 

Above you mention that I am threatened. Yes, there is something threatening about being told by men, where one day I would love to have a close important romantic relationship with one that will last, that my worth as a woman is less then his worth as a man. That he can continue on into old age holding a place of importance in the world and his worth only increases while that same man is telling me that mine decreases. Who wants to be told their worthless Green? No one. But that's what you are saying about owmen. Of course that is threatening. And if you were in that position, you know you would agree.

 

So this nonsense about hating on men is a thinly veiled attempt to cover what is really hate towards women and your own feelings of being threatened that you might not be quite as important as a man that you want to believe. If you weren't threatened by the opinion some women hold on this, you wouldn't rally so hard on it. At least I can admit that yes, there are aspects of this for women that are infact threatening. Because we still want to live our lives being important to the men in them and not tossed overboard. No matter our age.

 

Since no one remains 23 forever. What would you like women to do? What would you have women do? We can't stop aging. If we could, we sure would because maybe that would ensure that a man could love and care for us. But since we can't, I guess we better smile the next time a man wants to drag us out back and shoot us down like an old dog? Or maybe we should lay down and crawl in to a hole while we still feed your ego and give you props for being such a great man? You certainly aren't giving us women much to look foward to. You are basically saying women are worth less then men. I will say it again, you are basically saying that the worth of women is less then your worth as a man. That's not cool Green. And you know what, It's not true. Withough women, you and all the other men would never be here. Without the love of a mother, the kindness of a sister or aunt, the romance of a partner, you men would be sitting around scratching yourselves, fighting and be completely lost of any love and companionship. And the thanks you give any woman, 20 or 40, is your hate and degradement of women everywere by telling women they are less worth while then you. That's your own insecurity.

 

You continue to make completely untrue statements saying I said anyone was "creepy", I infact didn't ever say this. I infact said quite clearly that while I don't consider such a relationship "creepy", I don't consider it healthy either. A 30 year old man that can relate to a teen girl doesn't bode well for his own maturity and relationship health. Lastly, I never once said such a relationship was "wrong" or "right". Where do you even get this stuff?

 

 

Yes your math is wrong... 11 years is more then enough of an age difference especialy because she is still in her twenties when he started dating her. That part really upsets women. When you are midle aged and you start dating some one in their twenties

 

No. What upsets women is that you want women to feel worthless based on their age. It's one thing to date a younger woman, it's another thign to focus on it and tout your own importance to the world while you degrade a woman's. And it doesn't matter if the girl is 23 or 40. You aren't doing that 23 year old girl any good either. One day she will be 40 do. You aren't just degrading older women. You are degrading all women.

[Jersey Shortie]

I don't get guys at all.[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]

 

Either do I Brainy. And the things I think I get, make it seem like everything is working against me.

 

Alot of my friends husbands and boyfriends always tell me I'm so cool and wonder why I don't have a boyfriend. I've gone out on dates with a wide variety of men. short guys, fat guys, bald guys, tall guys, guys that didn't have college degrees guys that had ivy league educations and I still don't understand then or am closer that is just as excited about me as I am him.