DadofTwoGirls Posted May 30, 2010 Posted May 30, 2010 I was wondering which is it...infactuation, love or just convience when your spouse falls for OM/OW?...How can someone who has been in a long relationship and still living with the 'suddenly shocked spouse' (after being told the old..I'm not happy,etc. excuses) actually fall in 'love' with another person and the 'shocked spouse' not have an inkling?..did the spouse who wants out actually fall in love 'again' with another?..or are they just so fed up with current spouse,life, etc. that now they think being involved with another that makes them 'feel happy' truly love?..maybe they just don't care what it is.
Ronni_W Posted May 30, 2010 Posted May 30, 2010 Hi DoTG. I'm not so sure there is necessarily only one, clear-cut, easy-to-identify "reason" that this happens. There could also be the illusion that one really has "fallen in love" with the new person -- we truly believe that we are "in love" with her or him...but our beliefs could be based on our own inaccurate, misguided or distorted thoughts and feelings, which we're not recognizing as such. I know that it would be nice or easier to just have an "answer" that we can totally understand, intellectually and that also makes "rational sense", emotionally...but I think trying to find such an answer, or trying to force one out of our estranged spouse, is most often just a crazy-making and futile endeavour. I think, a lot of times they don't even know all the bits and pieces that went into their "falling in love" and their subsequent decisions and choices. (We're mostly an unconscious bunch, I mean.) Life, emotions and relationships are just too complex, I think. Most often not subject to examination using only logic/intellect.
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