KingKongSchlong Posted May 30, 2010 Posted May 30, 2010 I am dating a new man, and one that I am extremely interested in. He is really attractive, and so am I, and so we have the physical attraction set. He is also intelligent, witty, blah blah blah, to where I feel comfortable being in a relationship for a long time. We are a pretty set match, except for our sex. I am really excitable and animalistic, and sadly, he is a quickshot missionary man. I have confronted him before, asking what can I do to make him last longer, or could he please hurt me like I want. But everytime the sex begins, its over before my heart starts going, and I feel like it could break us. Also, I have to initiate sex, or he will lay in bed, and not acknowledge his own swollen penis. What can I say to change any of this? I feel like I am in a standstill. Also, despite the name, I am a woman.
Engadget Posted May 30, 2010 Posted May 30, 2010 Know the way I made myself last longer years ago? Masturbate, and don't finish for a long time, like 30 minutes or more. Do it enough and you'll train yourself not to orgasm quickly.
123BeachFan Posted May 30, 2010 Posted May 30, 2010 Chances are, you won't change him, certainly not to the level of your needs and desires. You need to accept that the sex is as good as it's gonna get, or you need to decide it's not a match for you, and move on. If there's a small amount of sex drive difference, there's hope. But you two are on different ends of the spectrum, don't you think?
Knittress Posted May 30, 2010 Posted May 30, 2010 Get out now. Both of you are likely to start resenting the other, which will ruin the relationship anyway.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 If he hasn't shown any improvement or willingness to adapt yet, this won't change.
summerl0vesyou Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I have confronted him before, asking what can I do to make him last longer, or could he please hurt me like I want. But everytime the sex begins, its over before my heart starts going, and I feel like it could break us. Also, I have to initiate sex, or he will lay in bed, and not acknowledge his own swollen penis. What can I say to change any of this? I feel like I am in a standstill. Also, despite the name, I am a woman. idk about that, that one might be hard..ill never hurt anyone in bed even if they want it. as for the other stuff, damn thats rough. its so hard when ur not sexually compatible...thats one reason i try to find out relatively fast. he wont try another position? how fast is this quickshot? if he literally is in minutes you might have a long road. but i had a guy that would get off in a few min, but wed go at it again a few min later and hed last a lot longer. doesnt sound like this guy has a huge sex drive...you might be incompatible if u cant change it
Knittress Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 (edited) Yes, as a women who OVERLOOKED this issue for a man she spent three years with, you can d@mn well believe I know what I'm talking about. Talking to a man about how he isn't doing it for you in the bedroom is not going to bring out the sexual beast in him - it's likely gonna make him more insecure and uptight. She's not complaining about a lack of skill, she's talking about a prissy downer attitude towards sex - AND THAT WON'T CHANGE. But sure, give it a shot first. Just don't invest years in this person expecting one or the other of you to feel differently. Edited June 1, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Knittress Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 That was a derisive snort, Morals. Although if I come across as revolted by you, it's mostly because of how you feel that my breasts entitle you to make generalizations about my temperament and character. You're not worth a 'tantrum.' However, your wording indicates an overly-defensive attitude - you must identify rather strongly with the guy in OPs post. Seriously, OP - no matter what the jaded dudes here tell you, you don't OWE some near-stranger anything more than honesty. Your purpose in dating is to find someone that fits you, not fit yourself to whoever finds you. We're all worth more than that.
CLC2008 Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 My thinking is along the lines of Morals. I don't think there is really enough information here to make assumptions, let alone a decision. Maybe he is nervous, maybe he doesn't feel comfortable enough yet. Maybe he comes into full blossom once he's established a deeper, emotional connection. Who knows. If the OP's main criteria in her relationship, is based more towards sexual gratification, then maybe she prefers to find someone who is compatible in that regard.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I am really excitable and animalistic, and sadly, he is a quickshot missionary man. Also, I have to initiate sex, or he will lay in bed, and not acknowledge his own swollen penis. He might be adaptable on the first point, but the second? If a man just lies there right next to his ready-for-lovin' girlfriend with a boner and does nothing about it, there's something very weird going on.
DanielMadr Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I am dating a new man, and one that I am extremely interested in. He is really attractive, and so am I, and so we have the physical attraction set. He is also intelligent, witty, blah blah blah, to where I feel comfortable being in a relationship for a long time. We are a pretty set match, except for our sex. I am really excitable and animalistic, and sadly, he is a quickshot missionary man. I have confronted him before, asking what can I do to make him last longer, or could he please hurt me like I want. But everytime the sex begins, its over before my heart starts going, and I feel like it could break us. Also, I have to initiate sex, or he will lay in bed, and not acknowledge his own swollen penis. What can I say to change any of this? I feel like I am in a standstill. Also, despite the name, I am a woman. I'd say he is afraid of his sexuality. The more mistakes he makes, the more afraid he will be. If you want to help him...hmmm do it often with him and raise his confidence by complimenting him (faking orgasm). He has to last longer the second time. There is a chance he will get rid of the worries. He thinks/is afraid too much thats why he has problems, I guess. And he probably still thinks that women give sex. And that they don't want to be dominated. Actually, lack of good sex is the reason for most break ups. And since this is LS...are you trying to find cure for him or excuse to dump him? If the latter...yeah dump his wussy azz.
kiss_andmakeup Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Hmmm yeah...I'm not going to say what you should do...but given your situation, I would probably move on. Especially if he doesn't seem open to talking about it. Even if you might be able to "train" him to last longer as some have said, you probably won't change the fact that he's not very adventurous. Again, everyone is different, but that is a definite deal-breaker for me.
Jersey Shortie Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 OP, talk to your partner. If you are having sex, you should be able to talk about sex. Don't make it sound like a critism. Just tell him something along the lines of wanting to connect with him and experience new things with him in the bedroom and be playful. Ask him if there is anything he ever wanted to do or if he likes other positions. Open up the conversation. Also, there might be some medical health isses that he is dealing with that he doesn't want to admit. Men often feel insecure about their lack of libido. Maybe he gets hard but he looses his erection when it's time to perform? I don't really know. I do know that you should talk to him first if you care about the relationship.
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