Butterflying Posted May 30, 2010 Posted May 30, 2010 Are you seeing anyone right now? This question ALWAYS comes up when I meet someone new. If I say no, then the next question is, why not, or what's wrong with me. If I say yes, it's guaranteed to make the person run away, otherwise, if they still want to date me despite my involvement with someone else, that's not the type of man I want. Usually, I answer this question by telling the truth: I'm dating, but not anyone exclusively. So far, everyone I've told this, even my family and friends, they all take this to mean that I'm having sex with a lot of different men. So they judge me. Then the guys just assume that it's okay for me to be their friend with benefits since I already have so many others. In the end, I end up with nobody taking me seriously. At this rate, I will never have an exclusive relationship..and I want one. So I'm hoping there is a better way to answer this question so I'm not judged negatively and overlooked by every man I date.
123BeachFan Posted May 30, 2010 Posted May 30, 2010 How about "I don't have a significant relationship at the moment." You don't have to elaborate. If someone asks what's wrong with you, just say that you certainly have had relationships in the past, just nothing right now. If they press it, ask them why are they so concerned. Yeah, recently I met a guy (who was a loser by the way, no one I'd date) who said, "you're so pretty, certainly some guy's been interested in you." When I retorted that I'm just not involved with anyone at the moment, he replied "well, you SEEM like such a nice and normal girl." That merited my turning heel and walking away. Sometimes people are rude and you need to let them know it.
USMCHokie Posted May 30, 2010 Posted May 30, 2010 Luckily guys don't have this issue because we're almost never asked this...at least I'm never asked this...and if I am, I can say no without consequence...
Author Butterflying Posted May 30, 2010 Author Posted May 30, 2010 Luckily guys don't have this issue because we're almost never asked this...at least I'm never asked this...and if I am, I can say no without consequence... Or if you say no, the girl doesn't believe you. At least I have been guilty of doing this to guys a few times. Sorry! And not to sound like the double sword, I wouldn't mind a guy who tells me that he's dating, as long as he isn't dating anyone exclusive. The problem is it's rare to find a good guy who is absolutely single. He usually has at least one exclusive girlfriend or a host of lovers. In either case where I'm concerned, I don't want to interfere with an existing relationship and I don't want to be added to the list of women.
USMCHokie Posted May 30, 2010 Posted May 30, 2010 Or if you say no, the girl doesn't believe you. At least I have been guilty of doing this to guys a few times. Sorry! And not to sound like the double sword, I wouldn't mind a guy who tells me that he's dating, as long as he isn't dating anyone exclusive. The problem is it's rare to find a good guy who is absolutely single. He usually has at least one exclusive girlfriend or a host of lovers. In either case where I'm concerned, I don't want to interfere with an existing relationship and I don't want to be added to the list of women. ::raises hand:: What would make you not believe a guy if he says that he's "absolutely single"?
Author Butterflying Posted May 30, 2010 Author Posted May 30, 2010 Because I've never met a decent guy who told me this. And the few times I did, it was a lie just so he could add me to the list. But now after answering your question, I can understand the reason that a guy may feel the same way if I told him that I absolutely wasn't dating anyone. They think either I'm lying or there is something wrong with me. So it doesn't work either way.
USMCHokie Posted May 30, 2010 Posted May 30, 2010 Because I've never met a decent guy who told me this. And the few times I did, it was a lie just so he could add me to the list. But now after answering your question, I can understand the reason that a guy may feel the same way if I told him that I absolutely wasn't dating anyone. They think either I'm lying or there is something wrong with me. So it doesn't work either way. I don't get this. Why would anyone think there was something wrong with not actively dating...? Does that make people assume that you're not good enough or attractive enough to date...? That's just foolish...
BS76 Posted May 30, 2010 Posted May 30, 2010 Are you seeing anyone right now? This question ALWAYS comes up when I meet someone new. If I say no, then the next question is, why not, or what's wrong with me. If I say yes, it's guaranteed to make the person run away, otherwise, if they still want to date me despite my involvement with someone else, that's not the type of man I want. Usually, I answer this question by telling the truth: I'm dating, but not anyone exclusively. So far, everyone I've told this, even my family and friends, they all take this to mean that I'm having sex with a lot of different men. So they judge me. Then the guys just assume that it's okay for me to be their friend with benefits since I already have so many others. In the end, I end up with nobody taking me seriously. At this rate, I will never have an exclusive relationship..and I want one. So I'm hoping there is a better way to answer this question so I'm not judged negatively and overlooked by every man I date. Best answer is right here: http://roissy.wordpress.com/2010/05/26/two-words-women-love-to-hear/ I tried to give the long complicated TRUTHFUL answer back in the day when I didn't know any better and it just got me nowhere. Over time I found short and concise plus a heaping of mysteriousness wins out any day. Same goes for why you NEVER tell a woman you like her. It kills the mood, so to speak, and you stop being a challenge. Anyway, read the article, listen to the advice the woman tells him, and learn from it.
Author Butterflying Posted May 30, 2010 Author Posted May 30, 2010 The only problem I have is that telling someone it's complicated is a lie for me because my love life isn't complicated at all. It's actually very simple, stress free, and balanced. The only thing missing is someone exclusive to share it with. I fear telling someone "It's complicated" will lead them to belive exactly that. And for a guy who is ready to settle down, this type of answer could make him run for the hills because the last thing anyone needs in their life is complications.
legallyblonde289 Posted May 30, 2010 Posted May 30, 2010 i would say no one serious. i dont think that denotes promiscuity because you could be seeing one guy, just not seriously or exclusively.
sagetalk Posted May 30, 2010 Posted May 30, 2010 And not to sound like the double sword, I wouldn't mind a guy who tells me that he's dating, as long as he isn't dating anyone exclusive. The problem is it's rare to find a good guy who is absolutely single. He usually has at least one exclusive girlfriend or a host of lovers. . If that's your problem, I think your people picker is broken. The bolded sentence will absolutely be true for most jerks or bad boys, but there are hoards of normal guys that do not fall into this category. You may want to look back and see if everyone you have dated or want to date falls into those two categories. If they are always jerks and bad boys then I seriuously doubt you will ever be happy in a LTR with them.
BS76 Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 (edited) The only problem I have is that telling someone it's complicated is a lie for me because my love life isn't complicated at all. It's actually very simple, stress free, and balanced. The only thing missing is someone exclusive to share it with. I fear telling someone "It's complicated" will lead them to belive exactly that. And for a guy who is ready to settle down, this type of answer could make him run for the hills because the last thing anyone needs in their life is complications. That's fair, the effect "it's complicated" has one men and women is different. For women it can be intriguing as the article discusses, but for men it could sound like she's playing games or is a slut in hiding. To be honest I thought this thread was for a guy. For a woman my advice is never discuss other guys, even if you're seeing others. To the guy you're talking to he wants to think he's your entire world, and talking about other guys just ruins it and makes you seem cheap and unworthy of investing in. If that's your problem, I think your people picker is broken. The bolded sentence will absolutely be true for most jerks or bad boys, but there are hoards of normal guys that do not fall into this category. You may want to look back and see if everyone you have dated or want to date falls into those two categories. If they are always jerks and bad boys then I seriuously doubt you will ever be happy in a LTR with them. Not really. A super high quality guy, prince charming so to speak, will have a at least several women pining for him trying to get into his sexual field of view. So while he may not be dating or hooking up with all these girls, at a minimum he'll have options and will know it, not to mention the women being catty trying to disrupt the relationship so they can have their chance with Mr Perfect. Life has shown women have the capacity to sabotage relationships like nobody's business. Often times though the guys are dating around and taking advantage of the benefits of being high value like that. Tiger Woods is an example, as are tons of celebs that cheat or simply never settle down for any serious length of time (ie George Clooney). Edited May 31, 2010 by BS76
alphamale Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Are you seeing anyone right now? "no but i am on the market"
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