Is my bf using cocaine?

[frisky]

i been with my bf for almost 10 months now and i think hes using cocaine. I been reading about all the sign of someone using cocaine and some of the signs he shows. Theres been a lot of tissue everywhere even in his pockets. Plus he does go to the bathroom a lot. But his additude has always been the same. hes always hyper and active. But idk if its because hes on cocaine or if thats just him. I also read about how some men dont finish when they are having sex when their on cocaine. My bf doesnt finish all the time and im thinking its maybe because hes using cocaine. I just want to know if theres more signs that i can know from people that he may be does that im not seeing. if someone can please help me with more information about this drug. i dont know a lot about cocaine. But i just want to know if hes really using it without confronting him about it.

[Malenfant]

this is a copy of a reply i posted in another thread, i hope it helps.as you think he's always done it since you knew him, you may think some of this behaviour is normal for him, but when seen written down and in conunction with other signs may give you an idea.

These symptoms would be apparent the day after taking a lot

 

pale skin

Clammy, sweaty skin

Watery eyes

dramatic change in mood, usually very edgy

tiredness

sniffs a lot, like has a runny nose

area around nostrils is redder than normal

 

These symptoms would be apparent if he was actually high when you saw him

 

wide eyes, large pupils

high amount of excitement over rather normal things

talking quickly and forgetting what he's saying half way through sentance.

becoming transfixed on one thing, eg. a puzzle, or cleaning etc.

sniffs a lot, like has a runny nose

area around nostrils is redder than normal

 

as coke only last about half an hour, expect a mood shift between talkative and excitable to edgy, until another hit is taken.

 

generally, if a lot of coke is taken (i mean, most days) the memory will be affected quite a lot, as normal sleeping patterns are messed up, ie, sleeping through the day, or just getting hardly any sleep.

 

i know all this because i have used, and because i know people who do.

It is easier for me to tell, obviously because I have been there but once you spot these symptoms together, it will be obvious.

 

if he's only doing it at weekends, the signs are less obvious, but generally his mood would be at its lowest on Tuesday or Wednesday, as after taking any 'high' ceratonin levels in the brain continue to deplete, until they are at their lowest around 4 days later.

 

as far as behaviour goes (not visable signs) these would be my hints that drugs are being used alot:

secrecy

vagueness

unreliability

never having much money

generally 'not being themselves' (i know that sounds vague, but you know what I mean)

being distracted alot

no concentration

lack of affection

lack of appetite

fatigue in the middle of the day

needing high caffene based drinks to get through middle part of day

 

only when used in conjuction would i say these are signs.

Just cos someone likes a coffee, doesnt mean they are a user!

[You'reasian]

Ask him to get tested and go with him.

 

Some employers test randomly and regularly. See for yourself.

 

Best of luck!

[frisky]

you'reasian: the thing is i dont want to confront him about it. I dont think he would like it if i confronted him about using cocaine.

 

 

malefant: The information you gave me is very helpful. Today he slept a lot. But he worked 12 hours so i think that would maybe be the reason too. Hes a hard working man. Hes working over time right now. But he did go to the bathroom for a long time when he woke up.Hes been getting dried lips. is that another sign? When he came out of the bathroom he was horny and there was a lot of tissue again. I dont want to confront him about anything because i feel like i will ruin things between us. I just want to find out with help so i know instead of asking him to get tested.

[Malenfant]

you'reasian: the thing is i dont want to confront him about it. I dont think he would like it if i confronted him about using cocaine.

 

 

malefant: The information you gave me is very helpful. Today he slept a lot. But he worked 12 hours so i think that would maybe be the reason too. Hes a hard working man. Hes working over time right now. But he did go to the bathroom for a long time when he woke up.Hes been getting dried lips. is that another sign? When he came out of the bathroom he was horny and there was a lot of tissue again. I dont want to confront him about anything because i feel like i will ruin things between us. I just want to find out with help so i know instead of asking him to get tested.

 

trying to think back to when i and someone i knew did it (bearing in mind i have tried to forget as much as possible) i dont recall having dry lips, although there is a certain amount of 'mouth' action involved with any class 'A' type of drug, eg. jaw clenching, gurning etc.

does he clench his jaw alot? does he grind his teeth in his sleep?

 

if you think he was taking coke in the bathroom and you see him directly afterwards, his eyes would be watery (or sparkley) his heart rate could be quick and somewhat thumping. he would look wired.

 

the horniness could be an indication, especially if he wasn't before he went into the bathroom.

 

It could be that he is taking something, but not necessarily coke. there are so many new drugs it could be one of many.

 

you could try this site:

http://www.talktofrank.com/

 

it should help you a bit more than I can.

 

I agree about the confrontation, it is much better to be well informed before you say anything. without all the information, you could be fobbed off, and a drug user may react badly to being confronted by a person who they think is making assumptions.

youre right to be concerned. it might be glaringly obvious to me because of my experience, but if you are suspecting, and you dont know anything about drugs, i think that indicates something is going on.

let me know how things work out.

Good luck

[frisky]

well i actually got him to talk about his past. which he said he did meth. I think thats what it is then. i think hes just saying he stopped but he didnt. And i saw a small little bag that had this powdery stuff still in it but it was empty. So i think it is something. He does grind his teeth though when he sleeps and does breathe fast. But as far as i know hes doing some kind of drug coccaine or crystal would my guess because i saw that small bag. So im at the point where it doesnt matter what it is but its still affecting the both of us. So im just going to walk out and see how things go. it might be better for me.

[Malenfant]

well i actually got him to talk about his past. which he said he did meth. I think thats what it is then. i think hes just saying he stopped but he didnt. And i saw a small little bag that had this powdery stuff still in it but it was empty. So i think it is something. He does grind his teeth though when he sleeps and does breathe fast. But as far as i know hes doing some kind of drug coccaine or crystal would my guess because i saw that small bag. So im at the point where it doesnt matter what it is but its still affecting the both of us. So im just going to walk out and see how things go. it might be better for me.

 

IMO you're doing the right thing. you know people wont get off drugs until they want to. being emotionally involved with an addict, especially one who keeps it secret is very unhealthy for you.

i dont have any experience with crystal meth but i've read enough stuff and seen pictures to know its really, really bad to put it mildly.

you're very sensible to walk away, alot of people think they can help and end up getting very hurt. I was in a similar situation, and was not as sensible as you, the person I knew died from an overdose and I very nearly ended up with a habit of my own.

Good luck xx

[frisky]

yea its very unhealthy plus so hard to brreak up with. im still thinking of what to say. i really want to try and help but what if things turn out bad. i just dont want that on myself. plus lastnight he showed a lot of mood changes and he was grinding his teethe a lot lastnight. so its either crystal or coccaine im thinking. But m just thinking about what im going to tell him when i break up with him.This is soo hard and hurtful.

[Vcygnus1]

look its time to just ask him flat out. Say you found the bag and that you want the truth or your leaving. worse comes to worse you have to stick to your word then leave. If that happens know that he isnt human. crystal makes zombies

[carhill]

Try getting some support from a hotline service. Trained professionals can assist in identifying the issue, supporting you and referring you to local resources. You're not alone.

 

He's using some kind of drug. Since he's a past methamphetamine user, that's likely his drug of choice. Assuming you do not approve of or participate in the drug lifestyle, I'd recommend discontinuing association with him until he is in active treatment.

[Malenfant]

yea its very unhealthy plus so hard to brreak up with. im still thinking of what to say. i really want to try and help but what if things turn out bad. i just dont want that on myself. plus lastnight he showed a lot of mood changes and he was grinding his teethe a lot lastnight. so its either crystal or coccaine im thinking. But m just thinking about what im going to tell him when i break up with him.This is soo hard and hurtful.

 

of course its hard. i totally sympathise.

try thinking about it this way..

there's always the possibilty that this will make him realise that he's messing his life up and he'll gain the motivation to quit.

Not guaranteeing that this is likely, but generally when people do quit its because they've been given a major wake up call, but they have to come to that place on their own, and usually takes alot of time.

 

if it doesnt bring him back to reality, then it was a lost cause anyway and nothing you could do would have helped him.

 

staying with an addict and accepting it is enabling his behaviour, so you're not really doing him any favours by staying with things as they are now.

 

i'd never tell you outright to stay or go, but you must do what feels right for you, dont do anything out of pity for him, dont feel obliged to stay to help him through it. remember you are the thing you need to be looking out for, because he isnt putting you and your relationship first.

xxhugsxx

Edited June 2, 2010 by Malenfant