rough_diamonds Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 So my bf doesn't really make me a priority. The last time I saw him was 5 days ago. I told him the other night that it'd be "agess since ive seen you" to which he agreed with. He told me he was "going to the movies on saturday night" - so basically ruling me out of hanging with him that night (he doesn't invite me to hang out with his friends) But basically today he hasn't done anything except sleep in and hang on facebook all day. Like he could have made the effort surely to invite me over or something given i told him I would be doing nothing all weekend. The annoying thing is if he's free or bored tomorrow when he's done hanging with other people or something he'll be like "let's do something" should i just be like too busy? Is this even a relationship?
BS76 Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 So my bf doesn't really make me a priority. The last time I saw him was 5 days ago. I told him the other night that it'd be "agess since ive seen you" to which he agreed with. He told me he was "going to the movies on saturday night" - so basically ruling me out of hanging with him that night (he doesn't invite me to hang out with his friends) But basically today he hasn't done anything except sleep in and hang on facebook all day. Like he could have made the effort surely to invite me over or something given i told him I would be doing nothing all weekend. The annoying thing is if he's free or bored tomorrow when he's done hanging with other people or something he'll be like "let's do something" should i just be like too busy? Is this even a relationship? How long have you been seeing each other? How old are you two? Have you even discussed exclusivity? How far apart do you live?
Author rough_diamonds Posted May 29, 2010 Author Posted May 29, 2010 How long have you been seeing each other? How old are you two? Have you even discussed exclusivity? How far apart do you live? A) bout 14 weeks friends for 18 months b) 22 both c) no, but it's kinda an unsaid rule d) live about 25 min drive away He says he misses me and stuff but this seems to be a constant cycle.
Krytie TV Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 He's still in high school boy mode. What you see is what you get until he has his revelation. This could be next week, but will more likely be in a few years. We're beginning to see the result of the internet/gaming age and that is people who don't really understand how to have meaningful relationships and place priority on technology. You need to think long and hard about your situation. Don't expect it to change simply because you want it to. Is this the kind of partner you want?
Author rough_diamonds Posted May 29, 2010 Author Posted May 29, 2010 Wow you're right. Is it very 'high school'. Not sure how to deal with situation though. He seems to be pretty happy with the current arrangement.
reservoirdog1 Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 A) bout 14 weeks friends for 18 months b) 22 both c) no, but it's kinda an unsaid rule d) live about 25 min drive away Obviously I don't have your on-the-ground experience with this guy or with your interaction, but it sounds to me like you and he aren't on the same page with things. The fact that the exclusivity is "kinda an unsaid rule", to me, suggests that it's, well, not much of a rule at all. Or, at least, that he figures things between you and he aren't all that serious and thus he's not putting in the effort that one would expect from a significant other. It's also possible, sorry to say, that he's "just not that into you". If I were in his position and really liked a girl I'd been dating, and knew she had a free weekend at the same time as me, I'd want to spend it with her. Talk about an opportunity being dumped in my lap! I think he sees things between you two as very casual and not much of a big thing.
norajane Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 Wow you're right. Is it very 'high school'. Not sure how to deal with situation though. He seems to be pretty happy with the current arrangement. It's not good enough that he's happy with how things are if you aren't happy with how things are. You are half of this relationship and if you aren't getting what you want, why are you in it? Have you been specific with him about what you need? What I mean is, instead of just telling him "it's been ages since I've seen you", have you said, "I'm not happy seeing you only once every week or couple of weeks, last minute when you're bored or decide you don't have anything better to do." Do you invite him to do things, instead of waiting for him to invite you? Again, instead of just throwing out "it's been ages", do you specifically say, "I'd like to see you this coming weekend. Do you want to [see a movie, hear a band play, etc.] on Saturday? If you do all those things and he turns you down or does nothing to change anything, then you really have no reason to say in this relationship. Plenty of fish in the sea, and you shouldn't waste your time on the ones who don't give a crap if they see you or not.
Krytie TV Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 My guess is that the OP is not actively making plans or decisions. Could be wrong.
Author rough_diamonds Posted May 29, 2010 Author Posted May 29, 2010 You're right. I didn't actually specify anything to do, other than just 'hang'. But about 5 weeks ago I told him I didn't like seeing him once a week and being his cuddle buddy and he said "we'd work on that" but not much has changed. I don't think I should give the ultimatum talk again - guys don't really like that. I'm sure he'll get the hint if I make my myself super busy.
2sunny Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 you are not HIS priority. he has other things going on that he prefers over trying to see you. this tells you everything. since you aren't his top priority - break up with him - and find someone who values you enough to MAKE time to see you. i hope you're not having sex with him - if so, he only makes time when he gets horny enough to see you and fulfill his needs.
Author rough_diamonds Posted May 29, 2010 Author Posted May 29, 2010 does he have a job? Only about 15 hours a week. you are not HIS priority. he has other things going on that he prefers over trying to see you. this tells you everything. since you aren't his top priority - break up with him - and find someone who values you enough to MAKE time to see you. i hope you're not having sex with him - if so, he only makes time when he gets horny enough to see you and fulfill his needs. I don't think "i'll break up with him" - I mean it's not like we have a strong relationship atm. I just gotta take it casual too.
2sunny Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 Only about 15 hours a week. I don't think "i'll break up with him" - I mean it's not like we have a strong relationship atm. I just gotta take it casual too. you are settling. you deserve more and you know it. why are you willing to settle for so little effort on his part? this is not healthy for YOU. look out for YOUR best interest... no one else will... why are you so willing to give him so much power that he doesn't make you a priority?
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