francesth Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 hi, my first posting so please excuse me if this is in the wrong section... heres the problem... i have been dating (bf and gf status) for about a year now. we have sex whenever he wants it, in other words he is not deprived of sex. but since last month something weird happened. i always spend one a day a week over at his place. we like to hug each other to sleep and will remain hugging til morning... but one night i woke up to him trying to stick his finger in my mouth, he was telling me to suck it... so i did it and after 2 min or so he kinda just stop so i thought he just felt asleep... the next morning i asked him about it and he was like no, i dont remember anything like that... so i thought i was just dreaming... the next week came along, same thing happened, but this time he wanted me to suck on his nipples... then this week, i told him i am on my period when he was awake, but at night he started to attack me again, this time he wanted to finger me:confused:... every time i explain to him what happen at night, he tells me he doesnt remember it... i am worry he might be sick in his head or something...
Eeyore79 Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 My ex used to do something similar. He would grope my body in the middle of the night when I was sleeping, and often it would wake me up, which I found incredibly annoying. I thought it was disrespectful to treat me like a piece of meat to be groped while I was unconscious, and incredibly selfish given that it woke me up and ruined my sleep. I eventually dumped him for being a general pain in the ass, and I'm glad I did - other guys haven't been so inconsiderate as to treat me like a sex toy while I sleep.
jthorne Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 Stop doing what he requests. It won't matter to him if he's really sleeping through it anyway. Does he take sleep medication?
phineas Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 My STBXW claimed I would grind on her in my sleep. I honestly have no recollection of it. But asking to suck different body parts & trying different things while sleeping? Just reject him while he's sleeping. as another poster said. he won't know.
Darren Steez Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 There seems to be a gradual progression, first the finger, then the nipple, prizes for what comes next?
Viking Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 I do this to my GF every now and again. I'll finger her but she actually gets into it and we often make out and have sex in the middle of the night. I do it in my sleep or half sleepiness. I haven't heard her say she doesn't like it but it is probably pretty annoying that I wake her up. I tend to do it whenever I feel like we haven't had sex in a while. We seem to have sex once a week (sometimes more though). I just really like making her aroused. It is fun and exciting.
Arabella Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 I had two long term boyfriends do something like this to me. Both would get an erection and grind on me while completely asleep. Neither would try to pursue actual sex and they had no recollection of it whatsoever when they awoke. They actually felt pretty bad that it woke me up and apologized profusely. Seems to be a fairly common thing... but what your boyfriend is doing is a little strange. I would say that you should just reject him. If he's lying about being asleep, he will get the point. Arabella
Author francesth Posted May 29, 2010 Author Posted May 29, 2010 well his sister gave him 2 A.D.D pill... earlier i dont know if that has anything to do with this... and i just did what he wanted once, 1-2 min of doing so he just fall back asleep, other times i reject him and he will sort of put up a fight and go back to sleep... i ready dont believe this is intentional, we always have sex before we go to sleep so he is not deprived and it is annoying to aways wake up to such a nasty behavior i love him and i dont want to leave him because of this =[ I do this to my GF every now and again. I'll finger her but she actually gets into it and we often make out and have sex in the middle of the night. I do it in my sleep or half sleepiness. I haven't heard her say she doesn't like it but it is probably pretty annoying that I wake her up. I tend to do it whenever I feel like we haven't had sex in a while. We seem to have sex once a week (sometimes more though). I just really like making her aroused. It is fun and exciting.
rewe4reel Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 OP, If you're sleeping in the same bed with a guy then don't act surprised that he wants to have sex with you at any time. That's actually kind of ridiculous if you ask me. If you're not willing to have sex with him, then go sleep on the couch or something. Or make him sleep on the couch if it's your bed.
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 ADD medication is like speed. Why is he taking his sister's pills? It can interfere with sleep cycles, and he could be in a cycle where he is 'under' but not in a 'deep' sleep and can move, etc. Like sleepwalking, only with groping instead.
Feelin Frisky Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 ... i am worry he might be sick in his head or something... We're all a little idiosyncratic in some way or another but it seems you have real reason for serious concern at this point. The only way I'd buy that denial or don't remember **** is if he were on Ambien or another in that class of "hypnotic" drugs. I can't remember a daggone thing when I'm medicated that way. I'll then wake up normally but to jeers and stange looks and then get read a litany of things I supposedly did, not a crumb of which I have any recollection of at all. I could driven somewhere and did anything and gotten back home and into bed and not remember a single second of it. If he isn't on Ambien or something in the same class (called "the hypnotics)", you have a serious problem on your hands. He's a liar or lunatic of some kind. (IMO of course). (Just a side note on Ambien, Lunesta, etc, FWIW: every time I would nod off while on the med, I'd awaken not remembering that I had already taken the medication if you're also a recreational drug user with supplies on hand you can not remember having used them yet either. Hint, this can be how a Heath Ledger OD's. He may be prescribed Ambien et al because of Jet lag or suddenly altered sleep cycle, the he may fall into that pattern of taking other things to enhance it without remembering that he already went through the same total cycle 10 or more times. Suddenly he nods out and his lungs lose their autonomy and the person's mind may be too medicated to roust him that he suffocating. This is something the makers of Ambien, Lunesta etc have a strong lobbying presence to try to keep secret. The cause of death appearing to be a drug overdose siting things you predictably see as cases for respiratory failure like Oxicontin while Ambien sits on the list but is not given proper impetus because it's a hypnotic and not a known central nervous system depressant or stimulant. It just keeps your mind from proper memory function).
SadandConfusedWA Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 Not to derail this thread, but Ambien is great, I have been taking it for years and never had a single episode of losing memory and doing things while I am asleep. It just makes me sleep and that's it. I am pissed off at people making out Ambien to be this "evil drug" while it is really a life saver for severe insomniacs such as myself.
shunter Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 Either the guy is honest and can not control this, in which case you can try and figure out why (maybe it is the meds the takes) or he doesnt have the courage to ask you what he wants while awake so he plays this game while sleeping. maybe he wakes up, wants to stick his finger in your mouth (from his dream) and so he acts it out. maybe he really knows he is doing it too. but whats wrong with that? that seems to be your gripe (more so than just losing some sleep) ... maybe if you didnt treat him like a freak he would be more willing to stick his finger down your throat while you are awake and wouldnt do it at night. so (a) he is honest and you need to decide if you can live with it or fix it or (b) you should be more accepting and encourage him to play fantasy when he is awake -- either before bed or when you guys wake up in the AM
legallyblonde289 Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 Either the guy is honest and can not control this, in which case you can try and figure out why (maybe it is the meds the takes) or he doesnt have the courage to ask you what he wants while awake so he plays this game while sleeping. maybe he wakes up, wants to stick his finger in your mouth (from his dream) and so he acts it out. maybe he really knows he is doing it too. but whats wrong with that? that seems to be your gripe (more so than just losing some sleep) ... maybe if you didnt treat him like a freak he would be more willing to stick his finger down your throat while you are awake and wouldnt do it at night. so (a) he is honest and you need to decide if you can live with it or fix it or (b) you should be more accepting and encourage him to play fantasy when he is awake -- either before bed or when you guys wake up in the AM who ever said that she treats him like a "freak" or is sexually reserved. all she ever said is that they have sex every night so she doesnt think he's deprived. it should also be noted that mature people dont pretend to be sleeping so they can get trick their partner into meeting their needs, they talk about their fantasies and desires in mature adult conversation.
BB07 Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 OP, If you're sleeping in the same bed with a guy then don't act surprised that he wants to have sex with you at any time. That's actually kind of ridiculous if you ask me. If you're not willing to have sex with him, then go sleep on the couch or something. Or make him sleep on the couch if it's your bed. What a attitude you have! A woman has a RIGHT to control her body and say no........also she doesn't have to go to another room to do that. Comments like yours, make me wanna go puke.
BeautifulMan Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 This is fairly common, they even made a documentary of it on discovery! I didn't get a chance to watch it all but they did exactly what your boyfriend did, sometimes forcing their girlfriend to have sex and not remember a thing.
rewe4reel Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 What a attitude you have! A woman has a RIGHT to control her body and say no........ That's right. She can get up out of his bed, if it's his, if she doesn't like what he's doing; or, if it's her bed, she can tell him to leave it. also she doesn't have to go to another room to do that. Nor does she have to be in a relationship with him in the first place. Let me repeat it since I guess I didn't make the concept clear: If a woman chooses, voluntarily, to sleep in the same bed with a man, she shouldn't be surprised if he wants to have sex with her. If she doesn't like that, she should make other sleeping arrangements. I never said she had to sleep with him in the first place. A common euphemism for having sex is "sleeping with" someone. There's a reason for that. Comments like yours, make me wanna go puke. Bulimia much?
Author francesth Posted May 29, 2010 Author Posted May 29, 2010 ok, maybe i made have made it sound like there is some problem with our sex life... which we do not, we are very open to each other's wants and needs when it comes to sex and we respect each other for that... the reason why i brought our sex life up is to give an idea that i know for a fact that our sex life style is not a problem, but what the problem here is him!!! instead of sleep walking hes sleep touching... i worry that it is some sort of health issue not relationship issue one... i like to thank everyone here who is worry that my bf might not be treating me right, but i only posted this because I AM WORRY ABOUT HIS HEALTH. as a reply to the ADD pills, his sis has ADD and got some pills, she gave my bf some so he can try it out... he took the pills once to try it, and he said that it remember every word the teacher said in lecture... and the second time he took it was to study for finals... i mention the pills because he took the first pill around the first time this sleep touching is happening, and the second time around finals which was around last week or so... i was just trying to connect the dots... who ever said that she treats him like a "freak" or is sexually reserved. all she ever said is that they have sex every night so she doesnt think he's deprived. it should also be noted that mature people dont pretend to be sleeping so they can get trick their partner into meeting their needs, they talk about their fantasies and desires in mature adult conversation.
spookie Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 My bf is a HUGE sleeper-creeper, too. In addition to trying to have sex and trying to go down on me, he's said some dirty s1ht, too. It bothers HIM that he does this, but I don't have a problem with it. If it wakes me up and I don't want it, I just roll him over and go back to sleep.
tkgirl Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 ok, maybe i made have made it sound like there is some problem with our sex life... which we do not, we are very open to each other's wants and needs when it comes to sex and we respect each other for that... the reason why i brought our sex life up is to give an idea that i know for a fact that our sex life style is not a problem, but what the problem here is him!!! instead of sleep walking hes sleep touching... i worry that it is some sort of health issue not relationship issue one... i like to thank everyone here who is worry that my bf might not be treating me right, but i only posted this because I AM WORRY ABOUT HIS HEALTH. as a reply to the ADD pills, his sis has ADD and got some pills, she gave my bf some so he can try it out... he took the pills once to try it, and he said that it remember every word the teacher said in lecture... and the second time he took it was to study for finals... i mention the pills because he took the first pill around the first time this sleep touching is happening, and the second time around finals which was around last week or so... i was just trying to connect the dots... yeah.. whatever his behavior is lately has little to do with your sex life and more to do with him taking new meds. Does he have a MD he sees? he should NOT be taking pills that weren't perscribed to him as they could have adverse affects... be glad the "touchy" thing at night is all that's happened. BUT if it's not because of the meds, then my response would be just go with it! he's been your BF for a year now and it sounds like he just wants to get a little freaky... which in the middle of the night and half asleep can be kinda hot IMHO!
2sunny Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 he's probably still sleeping and wouldn't remember... if you don't like it - don't sleep over = problem solved.
Alma Mobley Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 I think people are being over the top about this, saying he's sick in the head or a lunatic. It's simply a sleep disorder and not that uncommon. My husband has this problem and it is more likely to occur when he goes to sleep after being sleep deprived the night before. He is also a sleep talker. I find it annoying because he wakes me up, but I have never been offended. OP, if this is of great concern to you, your boyfriend can go to a sleep clinic. BTW, there is a website about this.
Author francesth Posted May 30, 2010 Author Posted May 30, 2010 I think people are being over the top about this, saying he's sick in the head or a lunatic. It's simply a sleep disorder and not that uncommon. My husband has this problem and it is more likely to occur when he goes to sleep after being sleep deprived the night before. He is also a sleep talker. I find it annoying because he wakes me up, but I have never been offended. OP, if this is of great concern to you, your boyfriend can go to a sleep clinic. BTW, there is a website about this. what will the clinic do?
Alma Mobley Posted May 30, 2010 Posted May 30, 2010 Sleep clinics diagnose and treat sleep disorders. Did you go to the website I posted? You can read other people's experiences too.
Author francesth Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 Sleep clinics diagnose and treat sleep disorders. Did you go to the website I posted? You can read other people's experiences too. i did and i also showed my bf... first thing he saw was a chance to be on tv... but he didnt take me seriously, he still think i am sorta of making this up and that i am the one who attacks him... he made it into a joke and called me crazy... but its ok now, i told him i am just going to record him groping me and show all his friends... so since there was some constancy with this issue, if he doesnt group me when the camera is recording then that means he's faking it and if he does grope me then i have proof that he is the crazy one and that he should seek help =D
Recommended Posts