Viking Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 Hello, I have been dating my GF since early September 09 and here recently I've been feeling like I am anxious, stressed and depressed. There's nothing wrong with our relationship other than she is a lot busier than I am and I find myself lacking stuff to do. This is something that has been bothering me for a while. And by nothing wrong, I mean we aren't fighting, she isn't mad at me etc. About three/four weeks ago, I started having full 40 hour work weeks for two weeks straight and then a 32 hour work week, so I was really quite busy. I graduated from college last year, so I don't have that to occupy me really. My girlfriend is still in school (she's 21 and I'm 24 and we're almost 3 years apart, so she has a lot more of the "self discovery" to do yet). Anyway, she's been really busy with work, school, a project for her business class (two years of her time has been spent on this), and she was doing cycling for our university. Needless to say, I have a lot more free time on my hands because I now have 24 hour work weeks again. She's coming into the week before finals and then the week after that is finals, so she's going to be very busy again. I guess my question is, how does one get over the anxiety/depression of not seeing your GF much? I know there is nothing wrong with our relationship other than she's busy more than I am. I went into it knowing that she would be. I'm trying not to look/sound/act needy, clingy and in general, whiny. I had a talk with her the other night because I had hit a point where I needed to get the stress off my chest and we ended up talking for quite a while, and I felt like I expressed myself fairly well. I always keep talking though and I think that's a problem I have, so she might have thought "Problem solved, we chatted!", I feel like "We chatted, I need to keep explaining just in case she didn't really understand what I was saying." I really like this girl a lot. I have yet to tell her I love her because of her view on the relationship (she is focusing on school, so the relationship isn't as important. I'm important to her, but I told her to focus on school though.) I haven't received any signs that she wants to call it quits and go it solo, but I feel like I just haven't been given the attention I need. I think that is a problem of my own though. When I'm in a relationship, I want the other person to be just as involved, but she can't because she has school, business projects and work. In the near future, she will be gone for 2.5 weeks in late June-early July and then at the end of July to early August, she'll be gone for 1.5 weeks. Because of this, she's going to have to work a lot and I'm already not going to see her because of her trips. I was originally going to go on the 1.5 week one because it is a family reunion, but was uninvited because it is her family/friend time (she goes to the east coast). I totally understand this though. What kind of advice would you be able to offer someone who is stressed out because of the lack of seeing his GF, depressed because she's busy and in general having anxiety over the whole situation? Not to mention, she's also on her period now, so sex is out of the question for a while. I guess I equate (probably my own insecurity) sex to her being invested emotionally. What's wrong with me???:lmao:
sagetalk Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 You're focusing on the negative things in your life too much. You have a girlfriendshe likes youyou like her I fail to see what your problem is. Enjoy life and only worry about stuff that is actually worth it.
Author Viking Posted May 29, 2010 Author Posted May 29, 2010 You're focusing on the negative things in your life too much. You have a girlfriendshe likes youyou like her I fail to see what your problem is. Enjoy life and only worry about stuff that is actually worth it. Seriously, I know I am/was worried about nothing. Last night I went downtown with her and a former roommate of hers and played pool and hung out. It was a serious stress relief because it was like nothing was the matter. It was all in my head and I think the hardest part of the whole situation is to not freak her out due to my own problems and anxiety, so it is hard to pretend everything is fine inside of me when in reality, I was being a little worry wart. I think the best thing I can do is to relax and try not to think about the problems that I am making up and causing myself to produce. Thanks for outlining the good parts. I often focus on the negative side of things. I do have a girlfriend. She likes me and I like her.
You'reasian Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 S Thanks for outlining the good parts. I often focus on the negative side of things. I do have a girlfriend. She likes me and I like her. Congratulations!!!
skydiveaddict Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 wait till after school is done and see if she wants to spend more time w/you. I really dont think you have a problem though
Author Viking Posted May 29, 2010 Author Posted May 29, 2010 wait till after school is done and see if she wants to spend more time w/you. I really dont think you have a problem though The problem is that 3-4 days after school is out, she's headed for her first 2.5 week trip. I guess another thing that digs at me is the fact that she is wanting/going to China for a year after she is done with school. She doesn't know if she'd want to do a long distance relationship and I told her that I would be more than willing to go with her for part of the trip. I see future potential in our relationship once she is done with her school and China trip. Initially, I had planned on going to Germany for a looooong time, so that put an expiration date on our relationship in her mind. I'm working to try and change that for her because I'm going for a month in the fall. I love my gf, I just haven't told her yet because I don't know how she'd react. She might pull away because she can't commit to me as much as she would want to. I've only told her that I really really care about her.
skydiveaddict Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 I've only told her that I really really care about her. And what is her response?
Author Viking Posted May 30, 2010 Author Posted May 30, 2010 And what is her response? She has told me that she likes me too, but that she is so busy with other important things like school, her projects and work that she feels like she's a bad girlfriend because she isn't able to put as much into the relationship as she thinks I do. That sounds kind of harsh, but I went in to our dating knowing that she was going to be busy. Our relationship started out more as a fun thing because I was planning on going to Germany for an extended period of time and the longer we were together, the less and less I want to spend a long time apart. Part of the reason I wanted to go to Germany was to just find a foreign girlfriend and not have to worry about anything here in the States. I even told her that, that I was wanting to go abroad so I could have a clean start so to speak and then that's when I met her and began to fall for her. Nothing is wrong is what I have to tell myself, because frankly nothing is wrong in our relationship. We work together quite well, "play" together fine-she likes ballroom dancing and I have always wanted to learn, so there is something I might try to do, and we're very compatible on an intimate level. She finds me very attractive and I find her to be very attractive. I feel like as if she might be the one for me if I can keep my anxiety under control and just keep going along.
Author Viking Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 I've come to the conclusion that I am worrying about nothing and that I'm completely out of line with my amount of stress and worry. For us, I think I just have to wait until she is less busy and then I think my stress levels will go down, and then I won't be worrying so much. She is going to Detroit for 2.5 weeks, and she called it practice for when I go to Germany for a month, so I assume she sees this relationship progressing into the future. I need to tell myself that I have a girlfriend and that she likes me. We're fine and she's got a whole lot more happening right now than I do, so it is nothing to worry about because I am going to make myself crazy if I don't get my problem under control.
sagetalk Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I need to tell myself that I have a girlfriend and that she likes me. We're fine and she's got a whole lot more happening right now than I do, so it is nothing to worry about because I am going to make myself crazy if I don't get my problem under control. The less insecure you feel, the more it will cause her to be attracted to your confidence. Don't get needy, don't get sappy. Show her you love her with your actions, but don't do it too much with neediness. Talk about the distance in a lighthearted way by saying something like, "Well, I've always wanted to talk to a naked girl on Skype anyway" . Treating like it will still be fun will help cut the tension and sadness you both feel being apart. Also, talk about stuff you want to do when she gets back that she's going to love!
Author Viking Posted May 31, 2010 Author Posted May 31, 2010 The less insecure you feel, the more it will cause her to be attracted to your confidence. Don't get needy, don't get sappy. Show her you love her with your actions, but don't do it too much with neediness. Talk about the distance in a lighthearted way by saying something like, "Well, I've always wanted to talk to a naked girl on Skype anyway" . Treating like it will still be fun will help cut the tension and sadness you both feel being apart. Also, talk about stuff you want to do when she gets back that she's going to love! She is completely unaware that I am ripping myself apart due to my stress that I am creating on my own. She doesn't know that I am feeling insecure because when I see her, I am in control and my usual self. She even thinks I have a problem with being cocky sometimes because of how I act and talk. It is just something that I am creating all on my own and that ticks me off because it builds on itself and makes me sick. I will plan out things to do together for when she gets back. Namely hiking and being outdoors with the nice weather. I know that I can snap out of my funk, just need to know that everything will be alright.
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