Sunshine16 Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 I'm new here and am looking for some guidance in finding a good marriage counselling kind of retreat. My wife and I are on the verge of divorce after nearly 25 years. It was a good one but I messed it up with an affair. We've been separated for a year now but still love each other and, until recently, were working toward reconciliation. We've been seeing a decent therapist for a few months but haven't really been making headway. While I am committed to doing whatever it takes, and have been, my wife says she just hasn't been able to find that connection that was once there, and now she's given up and wants to proceed with a divorce. She says the trust is gone and she doesn't think it'll come back. She says she's afraid to try anymore at the risk of being hurt again. I don't blame her. The collapse of our marriage has been all my fault. But I don't want to let it go and would do anything to save it. The one-hour therapy sessions we had every three or four weeks didn't seem to have a significant effect, and I was wondering if a more intensive retreat-type thing, where we could get private couple-on-couple counselling away from the hassles of day-to-day life, might be helpful. I've googled and found a few things that seem to fit the bill, but they're all out east -- Vermont, Ontario, places like that. So here's what I want to know: does anyone know of any good marriage retreats in the Pacific Northwest or thereabouts? And, please, nothing religious.
Tony T Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 I think the more you struggle to keep your marriage, the less likely it will come together. Relax, let her go. If it was really meant to be she will return. It actually makes women quite uneasy when a man grovels. I know you didn't ask for this advice so please ignore it if I'm out of turn. Your wife has stated she doesn't want to be in the marriage anymore. No retreat anywhere in the universe will teach her how to trust you again. However, if you act gently and go with the flow of things, chances are she'll do some thinking. If you drag her to a retreat she will likely resent having her time being taken up by that. The more effort you put into this, the more of your transgression will come to her mind. The more at peace you become, the less you talk about this, the more you just go with the flow and forgive yourself...the greater your chances of restoring what you once had. As for the retreats, call the places in the east you found in Google and see if they have any kind of affiliate or correspondent facilities close to where you are.
Author Sunshine16 Posted May 29, 2010 Author Posted May 29, 2010 You might be right. But I've tried that sort of play-it-cool approach and I always end up wondering if she thinks maybe I just don't care all that much. My response so far has been to tell her that I won't resist proceeding with a divorce, but that I'm still here if she changes her mind. Is that grovelling?
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