i got dumped and im devastated...will he come back

[andreaangel]

My boyfriend of a year broke up with me 5 days ago. I am 22 he is 23. He has a bad temper (not being abusive or anything) in that he says things when hes angry that he doesn't mean and regrets them later. He has told me this himself (however its my only flaw with him) He broke up with me in a harsh way through an email since he was angry due to a fight. This isn’t uncommon, whenever we fight he doesn’t want to see me/hear my voice and does it through text/email because is easier I guess.

 

However, whenever we were at school we resolved things quickly in person. But this time it was long distance. We both just graduated 2 weeks ago from the same college and moved back to our home towns so we are 3 hrs apart...I am going to be 30 mins from him in the fall though when I start graduate school and the day before we graduated we discussed being together and had discussed this since November. The day before we fought I went to his house 3 hrs away and everything seemed perfectly fine Im very sensitive to that stuff so I am sure of that, if things seemed off I would have noticed. But after we fought and broke up the next day- I called him too much and sent him too many emails saying I missed him and to please stay with me and such which pissed him off even more. He replied in a mean way then eventually we exchanged a long chain of heated emails filled with insults. I have been absolutely devastated. I haven’t eaten a full meal since then and haven’t slept at all and I feel nauseous all the time.

 

Last night, after I calmed down I sent him an email saying I am sorry and that I have thought about the relationship and how to fix it (figuring out what makes him mad and such but I don’t want to go into too much detail here since it would take a lot of space) and to please give me another chance when he calms down. I know he checks his email right away (he has a Smart phone and it notifies him so its like texting) so after 30 mins I did something stupid and logged into his email. He gave me the password like 6 months ago but I have never done this before and I didn’t look through anything. However I clicked on my email and saw he wrote a draft email (hadn’t hit send yet) in reply to me saying things like:

"he was sorry things didnt work out"

"i never loved you I should have dumped you earlier"

"be strong you have a good heart and you're a great girl with a a great sense of humor"

"we are done" "#### you for *doing this to me*" (referring to something from the fight)

I thought it was weird at first he was so bipolar in it…but maybe he just feels sorry for me since I’m obviously upset and begging to stay together?

 

The cussing doesnt bother me...he always say * * * * when hes pissed off. In the past he would say that when hes angry and be like I love I love you the next day. Now I feel like a loser because I saw this response and logged back into my email and quickly wrote and sent several short emails responding to things he said in the draft. I think he doesn’t read long emails so I sent a few emails in a row with a paragraph in each. 10 mins later he hadn’t replied so I logged back into his email and saw he had clicked on all my emails and obviously read them. But he never hit send on the draft. Before I went to bed I checked his email again and it still said “draft” and not “sent” I was wondering if he just forgot to hit send so then I deleted his draft. I didn’t do this to try to trick him, I wanted him to see he hadn’t hit send and wanted to see if he’d retype the draft and actually send it to me. Today though I have no reply though so I guess he never did.

 

He created a draft and was about to hit send and then read all my reply emails…and still didnt send this email...I know it was stalkerish of me to keep checking and to eventually delete it. He may have not hit send cause he forgot to but I feel like eventually he would have noticed he didn’t send me a response and would have sent it...does him not sending it mean he is not completely sure? I know Im grasping at straws here.

 

I know I need to go no contact…but I want him to come back to me so badly. Maybe I should wait a few months and when I start graduate school in Sept and I am near him…send him an email saying Ive been working on myself and I want to try again? (He doesn’t answer calls usually unless it was me or his parents)

Edited May 29, 2010 by andreaangel

[sedgwick]

First of all, I'm really sorry you're hurting. Getting dumped sucks big time. That said, you MUST stop emailing and snooping! It's only going to push him further away, and you'll regret later that you didn't hang onto your pride. The only thing you can do now is go complete and total NC. Perhaps it's not a bad idea to block him from phone and email for a little while...