LostLoveGnat Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 This is my very first post on a website like this. I had to do something or go somewhere to get this out. Hopefully someone can really read this and understand what i'm going through...my heart has felt so lost and unloved for a very long time. Just like any other women or person for that matter, i have needs. I cheated...a part of me feels bad, but another part feels relieved and alive again...let me try to explain... So here goes... I am a 26yr old women that has been in a relationship with another women for the past 3 years of my life. The issue is not about me being a lesbian, i knew that from day one . We have had a really rocky relationship for the past two years. I think i will be typing all day if I start from the beginning, so I will try to shorten the past problems that have created the current problems... I have slowly been falling out of love with the person I have been with for 3 years. We currently live together, have been for 3 years, have a dog and a child (not mine obviously)....so to get an idea of the situation..we have created our own family sort of speak. We were broken up for a short period of time in our first year together, she had a moment of weakness with an EX and became pregnant. I did forgive her (maybe stupid me ,) but we moved on from that and raised her together... However, for the past year I have slowly been drifting away and losing the love we once had for each other, and her daughter. We have had many problems leading up to this, and I believe I have just had enough. Can someone explain to me what it means when you really start to not care anymore. The arguements have become petty and frequent, there is no sex, no love....if there is, it seems forced. Its kinda of like when a mans girlfriend cheats on him, gets pregnant, he finds out a few months later, but ends up staying around and being the father because you love ur girl and wanna make it work....any guys who have been there, please comment too... I have felt empty inside, unloved, unappreciated, and unwanted. My heart has become cold. I have lost respect for her and actually DON'T want her to touch me sometimes. I have read a few posts on this site "why women cheat"....it sounds like I have the classic symptoms... When I was with the other women, I felt such a rush of emotions I have lost over the years and got back in touch with the loving person I once was. I feel kinda of bad because I don't want to hurt anyone or tear apart what we have created over the years, but I feel like I have completely lost myself and my love for everyday things. This stress and relationship has engulfed my life and made me feel like a horrible person. Its like my old self is tearing at me everyday struggling to get out. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not in a financial position to just walk away (the lease is in my name), and i'm not that cold to send her and her 3year old daughter packing. One thing I deffinately don't want to do is live under the same roof "seperated" and not speaking....even though thats kinda whats it's like already. I just want my life back, i want to be the fun loving, light hearted person I used to be.... I'm not looking for specific answers from people, I just want someone to listen and offer any advice. I don't have close friends where I live, as I am not from here. Thanks for listening...
TaraMaiden Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 gender is immaterial. if you felt bad about this relationship, and it's been going downhill for a while, you really should have called it quits before now, and advised your current partner that you wanted her to move out, and she had 6 weeks to do it.... then Go get some. As things stand, you've cheated already - but your relationship is over. So you'd better ask your partner to consider moving out, please, because you feel you cannot continue in this way any more. Hun - you can't have it both or all ways. it's either working, or it isn't. but something's got to give and it sounds as if it's already not far off. Cut your losses, move on, and do the right thing. It's not the end of the world.... people do break up, and unfortunately more often than you'd think. Cut it, ask her to move on, and give you and her the opportunity to move forward......
ComputerJock Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Have you thought of counseling either individual or marriage since this is a marriage. IMHO you have to decide if you want to save this marriage.
MyNameIsJane Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Have you thought of counseling either individual or marriage since this is a marriage. IMHO you have to decide if you want to save this marriage. I don't think they are married....
Author LostLoveGnat Posted May 29, 2010 Author Posted May 29, 2010 No we are not married. I have considered going to counseling and just talking it out, but honestly at this point, i really don't think it will change anything. I know my heart better than anyone, and once it's gone, it's gone... I think I am struggling with the fact that it IS time to move on. Its hard to realize and grasp the moment when you know a person is not right for you. It just feels really ****ty to give up everything and totally let it go...
tassie83 Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 it's sad for all three of you but it sounds like it is over. Maybe its time to consider what the next step is, emotionally and financially.
dazzle22 Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 No we are not married. I have considered going to counseling and just talking it out, but honestly at this point, i really don't think it will change anything. I know my heart better than anyone, and once it's gone, it's gone... I think I am struggling with the fact that it IS time to move on. Its hard to realize and grasp the moment when you know a person is not right for you. It just feels really ****ty to give up everything and totally let it go... It means the 'relationship has run its course'. No good guy/no bad guy/ (or woman for that matter:laugh:). Most people in our lives will come, and then go, and some recyle back in later. Appreciate the good times, learn from the bad, and wish her well.
Reality Drip Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 The worst thing you can do is stay for a child or simply because you can't stand the thought of being single again. That's typically what's at the core here. It stinks to invest 3 years with someone and watch it break down. If I were you I'd be very proactive in getting the financials in order for all parties involved. Get a plan together for how you'll divide things up, who will move where, and nail down that exit strategy of yours. Be brave.
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